FRC: “Man’s man” Jesus is coming back with AR-15 “Sandy Hook” assault rifle

In one of the more vulgar bastardizations of the word of Christ in recent times, one of the lead religious right groups, the Family Research Council, suggested that the Second Coming of the Lord will involve a testosterone-filled Jesus sporting an assault rifle.

And because Jesus’ blood lust apparently knows no bounds, he’s not just coming back with any assault rifle – the son of God’s apparent weapon of choice is the AR-15, the assault weapon used to kill nearly two dozen teachers and small children at Sandy Hook Elementary.

Sing hallelujah!

AR-15 assault weapon (photo credit:  TheAlphaWolf)

AR-15 assault weapon, Jesus not included.
(Photo credit: TheAlphaWolf)

After this many years of reading and watching the filth and the lies that come out of the religious right hate groups – and make no mistake, the Family Research Council was officially designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center a few years ago – they still manage to surprise me with just how un-Christian and vile they really are.

Jesus packing an assault rifle.  Really.

And even better, Jesus is apparently rabidly heterosexual, his veins pumped full of testosterone. Here’s the FRC’s Executive Vice President Jerry Boykin at a “men’s prayer breakfast,” few months back (I suspect RightWingWatch just got the audio to some of this, that’s why we’re hearing about this now).

As Boykin explained, Jesus was a carpenter and stone mason for most of his life, which required him to be constantly lifting heavy pieces of wood and stone. All this lifting, in turn, meant that Jesus had calluses on his hands and “big, bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms, thin waist, [and] strong shoulders.”

Um, ok.

“He was a man,” Boykin said. “He was a man’s man, but we feminized him in the church … He was a tough guy and that’s the Jesus that I want to be like. That’s the side that I want to be like. But we’ve feminized Jesus in the church, and the men can’t identify with him anymore; not the kind of men that I want to hang out with, they can’t identify with this effeminate Jesus that we’ve tried to portray. He was a tough guy. He was a man’s man.”

Get a room, already.

Oh, and you might not be surprised to find out that Porno Jesus was actually the architect of the Second Amendment. More from Boykin at a separate event:

The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 is says when he comes back, he’s coming back as what? A warrior. A might warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe … I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies ’cause he’s coming back as a warrior carrying a sword.

And I believe now – I’ve checked this out – I believe that sword he’ll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15.

He’s “checked this out.” Oh ok.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but Jesus is about as likely to arm himself with an assault rifle as would Dumbledore.  When you’re almighty, you don’t need the weapons of man in order to make your point.  Ergo, Noah’s flood.  God could have bought a Glock, but instead he went with water.  Same thing happened when it came time to deal with the Pharaoh in Egypt – you didn’t see Moses walking around with an Uzi (though it would have made for some beautiful anachronistic poetic justice). No, Moses and God did just fine with locusts and hail.

Oh, but there’s more:

Jesus' face courtesy of Shutterstock. Renata Sedmakova /

Rambo Jesus (Jesus’ face courtesy of Shutterstock. Renata Sedmakova /

Now I want you to think about this: where did the Second Amendment come from? … From the Founding Fathers, it’s in the Constitution. Well, yeah, I know that. But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples ‘now, if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.’

I know, everybody says that was a metaphor.  IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you’re going to have to fight at times. You won’t build my kingdom with a sword, but you’re going to have to defend yourself.  And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that’s where the whole thing came from. I can’t prove that historically, and David [Barton] will counsel me when this is over, but I know that’s where it came from.

And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don’t have one, go get one. You’re supposed to have one. It’s biblical.

No, not biblical. Just nuts.

(I’m told that in order to better see my Facebook posts in your feed, you need to “follow” me.)

CyberDisobedience on Substack | @aravosis | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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94 Responses to “FRC: “Man’s man” Jesus is coming back with AR-15 “Sandy Hook” assault rifle”

  1. djny10003 says:

    And that stuff about loving your enemies? Total BS.

  2. lilyannerose says:

    I would like for them to be more specific is Jesus coming for an atheist like me before or after he guns down the gay folks?

  3. Indigo says:

    Okay . . . that’s two!

  4. 2karmanot says:

    There are the matching homemade, crocheted, beer tab bikinis for the ‘gals.’

  5. 2karmanot says:

    Born to be Brie.

  6. Sweetie says:

    Not just evangelicals. I went to the Vatican exhibit and the blond and blue-eyed Jesus with the hairless chest and prominent exposed pecs, the Chippendale disciples statues, and on and on… And this started early. There’s a mosaic of Jesus or some disciple and the guy has light blue eyes.

  7. Sweetie says:

    true Christianity = oxymoron

  8. Anonymous says:

    Unfortunately religion allows hateful people to do things with impunity. Religious law is lawlessness. You can’t tell me a law based on superstitions results in a fair trial, adequate punishments or even crime prevention. Theocracies are bad. Religious “exceptions” are bad.

  9. The_Fixer says:

    Oh no, he’d be saying “Oh, You! Oh, You! Oh, You!” while in the throes.

  10. The_Fixer says:

    ‘Cause everyone knows that the most important question of our time is whether Ford rules and Chevy sucks, or if real men drive Dodges. Because, y’know, nutsacks. Or something like that (I never got why this is important once I moved beyond grade school).

    Yeah, I always wondered why those decals were ever able to be sold. I would think that those would be a copyright or trademark violation. Maybe they fall under satire?

    Regardless, they are stupid and miss the point of the comic strip.

  11. The_Fixer says:

    Well, the bible is basically fictional, as far as I am concerned. So this fictional representation of Jesus being a gun-toting gym rat falls right in line with it, in my mind anyway.

    I have a feeling that a lot of the Jesus stories may be based on a person who was a traveling preacher/magician/entertainer sort of guy. Maybe he actually thought of himself as the son of God, in the sense that if there was a God, we’d all be sons and daughters of that God.

    I had never heard of the two-Jesus theory, but it does make a whole lot more sense than what is presented as truth in the bible. For some reason, people seem to think that there was something unique about the name “Jesus” and that there was only one person with that name. I doubt that was the case.

    There’s just too much wrong with the Bible for it to be considered a reliable historical document. Given what we know about human nature and our propensity to incorrectly relate a story 5 minutes after it happened, it’s completely unbelievable that it could be a reliable source of information as it was written well after the events it describes happened.

    The more we learn about history, the more we know that it can’t be right. All of this arguing over Jesus being a model of hypermasculinity is pointless; take the best of what he was preaching about being good to one another, try and live by that, and using ones brain will get you (and the rest of humanity) further than any theological belief system will get you.

  12. cambridgemac says:

    Umm, dude. That IS Jesus. Just not in his usual outfit.

  13. cambridgemac says:

    On his facebook page the General calls the Southern Poverty Law folks supporters of terrorism.

  14. RAdkinson68 says:

    Racist, fascist, bigot, misogynist! Racist, fascist, bigot,misogynist!

    Racist, fascist, bigot, misogynist! Racist, fascist, bigot,misogynist!

  15. AnthonyLook says:

    Now you’re getting the hang of it. Daily the Republicans and tea party birthers gives us examples, so daily they make it easy to point out. Messaging is working.

  16. RAdkinson68 says:

    Question much ?

  17. Not_Phyllis says:

    Copy/paste much?

  18. RAdkinson68 says:

    Hell yes! All 3 in one post!

    Racist, fascist, bigot! Racist, fascist, bigot!

    Racist, fascist, bigot! Racist, fascist, bigot!

    Racist, fascist, bigot! Racist, fascist, bigot!

    Racist, fascist, bigot! Racist, fascist, bigot!

  19. AnthonyLook says:

    Racist, Bigoted Extremist Fascist Fake Christian Terrorism Cults have taken over true Christianity.

  20. mtblaze says:

    God didn’t have to wait for the Second Coming to lay waste to humans. Hell, he even killed 76,000 of King David’s people simply because David counted them.

  21. mtblaze says:

    All religions teach peace (and so Buddhism does count), it’s the practitioners who twist the teachings and are violent.

  22. mtblaze says:

    But really Jesus’ hair is dark brown and his eyes are brown, he just uses Just for Men and colored contacts.

  23. Fentwin says:

    So, where is the sanest pace on Earth? It sure ain’t this bat shit crazy country. These “laws” they are trying to pass reminds me of the Nuremburg laws that were passed in the 1930’s.

    Scandinavia? Some little Island atoll in the Pacific? Is there such a place?

    I’m sick and tired of this ideological cultural war bullshit. I’m tired of the mealy mouthed bible based bigots screeching like a bunch of harpies about how persecuted they are since they can’t force everyone to suck the cock of God.

    I’m sick and tired of the lies and distortions spouted in the name of Cheesus.

    I’m tired of pedophile priests and the protection they get for the sake of baby Jebus

    I’m tired of a government that lets the big banks launder money for the cartels yet want to bust small banks for depositing money made from the legal sale of marijuana. (not religious, but still, god damn)

    I’m tired of guns; guns gnus guns, we all have to have a fucking gun according to the NRA, anything else is UnAmerican. Jesus with an AK? Which fucking BIble are these recto-cranialy impacted brown-shirt bible-thumpers reading? I’ve got a BIble and no where does Jesus even have a sword fight, much less a shoot out at the O.T. Corral.

    I’m tired of people like Delay who insist that jesus bled the ink he used to write our Constitution.

    God damn it, I’m tired of all of this bullshit.

    (thanks for letting me rant…I’ll be over here doing my best Yosemite Sam impression)

  24. TheOriginalLiz says:

    We won’t be the first empire to be destroyed by hateful, warped Christians. History is littered with them.

  25. Badgerite says:

    Oh my lord. And this guy was a Lieutenant General in the United States Army and Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence during George Bush’s administration from 2002-2007.
    If he has a brain, it is not on display in these comments.

  26. FLL says:

    And don’t forget the light brown or dishwater blond hair and blue eyes for the Anglo-Saxon look that was so typical of the population in the ancient Middle East.

  27. perljammer says:

    I think you folks are looking at this from the wrong angle. The Second Coming of Christ is all about the final judgement. If your final disposition is to burn in the fires of Hell for eternity, does it really matter whether your send-off is a pat on the head or a magazine-emptying burst from an automatic weapon?

  28. arcadesproject says:

    Man’s man? Hey, that can only mean One Thing, right? Guess they weren’t blowing smoke when they said Jesus loved John.

  29. kingstonbears says:

    Don’t forget the huge “package” dressed to the left.

  30. rmthunter says:

    “big, bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms, thin waist, [and] strong shoulders.”

    You can almost see Boykin drooling.

    It occurs to me that a real “man’s man” doesn’t need a penis substitute — er, assault rifle.

  31. rmthunter says:

    The Jesus portrayed by the Gospels is based largely on mythic archetypes current in the Middle East and Europe: the Hero, whose birth was marked by signs and portents, not the son of his titular father (if he had a father at all) but of a god, who displayed unusual abilities in his youth, and whose role was to change the world. That gets mixed up with the Sacrificed God (Osiris, Tammuz, Adonis, Dionysus, Shiva, John Barleycorn), whose sacrifice is for the benefit of the people.

    It doesn’t really matter whether or not there was a historical Jesus.

  32. Anonymous says:

    It’s funny, if you belong to a religion that’s in the majority, it still has “cult” elements but it’s not seen as a cult. The majority really has a way of warping your perspective. Culture is learned, not genetic. If we grew up somewhere else, we’d believe something entirely different. People take it all way too seriously. They have no sense of self outside these group attachments.

  33. Anonymous says:

    You could use that argument to ban guns entirely – hah…

  34. Anonymous says:

    Christians supposedly follow the prophet that doesn’t date kids…tell that to Warren Jeffs & the Duck Dynasty crew

  35. Anonymous says:

    “It is the meek who inherit the earth.” But when? It’s been millenia. Though, religion has provided a pretty high attrition rate with those “holy wars” they love to fight.

  36. Anonymous says:

    They cherry pick for the “hate” parts. No such thing as a peaceful religion with an actual God – Buddhism doesn’t count.

  37. Anonymous says:

    So basically God was whatever you want him to be. Makes sense.
    These quotes are becoming humorless to me. Unfortunately they really do believe this crap, it’s not a joke or satire. It’s beginning to bring me down how dumb some people are.
    Please just give these people some sort of lump sum payment as they need their daily pat on the back. Anything that will make them feel like their “activism” has sufficed. Just appease them so they go away.

  38. trista niap says:

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    Sedan from only workin part time on a home computer… go to this website C­a­s­h­D­u­t­i­e­s­.­ℂ­o­m

  39. pappyvet says:

    I’ve always wondered about that phrase “the law and the prophets”……..weren’t they an early backup band for Lou Reed?…..or was it Lou Rawls?

  40. pappyvet says:

    snort ! guffaw ! wheeze ! Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s ass. Which is why I have a strict rule of living at least a block away. ;]

  41. chris10858 says:

    I think when Jesus said, “love your enemies” he probably meant don’t kill them.

    I think there are a lot of violent, hate-filled people who shroud themselves in religiosity and fake patriotism in order to somehow try to justify their hatred for others.

  42. BeccaM says:

    Funny, I thought it was ‘Blessed are the cheesemakers’, although I would assume he meant it in a general way, to include all makers of dairy products…

  43. BeccaM says:

    The birth and death narratives of the NT are seen by all reputable scholars as purely fictional accounts.

    Aye, especially since:

    1. They contradict each other endlessly on the details
    2. The details that are in there are often provably wrong or anachronistic
    3. They describe a version of crucifixion that was not how the Romans did it

    4. Married men almost always have sex with their wives if able, especially if newly wed, and would probably go berserk if their young wife said she was pregnant not from him but via an ‘angel.’
    5. An unmarried 33 year old man from a Jewish family? Riiiiiiight…

  44. BeccaM says:

    That would be the usual Calvin, of Calvin & Hobbes fame… loved the comic when it was running, hate what the d-nozzles did to the kid.

  45. BillFromDover says:


  46. pappyvet says:

    Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

  47. BillFromDover says:

    Ya forgot chocolates and condoms.

  48. BillFromDover says:

    Too bad someone didn’t supply Him with one sword to compliment the bread and fishes?

  49. BillFromDover says:

    Why does He just come back as Bill Clinton? Fuck the veins!

  50. BillFromDover says:

    Bring it on. I’ll meet Him in one of these:

  51. eahopp says:

    Yeah, well, I doubt that “Man’s man” Jesus could stop this duo….

  52. 4th Turning says:

    I think I’ve heard there are several websites that cater to that type-just saying.

  53. 2karmanot says:

    Oh god, yes, yes, oh god…….

  54. Indigo says:

    Yeah, that’s one element of Midwestern culture I don’t miss.

  55. Indigo says:

    Now, what I decoded out of those claims was that the Family Research Council is actually an apocalyptic cult, a sort of low-key Baptist version of Heaven’s Gate. Maybe . . .

  56. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    I thought that maybe the three wise men were going to visit with new gifts.

  57. iamlegion says:

    I did not know that. Thanks – I will use it with greater enthusiasm from now on!

  58. mtblaze says:

    Especially when the back window has a cut-out of a little boy peeing on a Ford.

  59. mtblaze says:

    “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

  60. AdmNaismith says:


    To paraphrase Captain Kirk in the underrated (yes, I said underrated) Star Trek V:
    Kirk: ‘What does God need with a [gun]?’

    And the end of that exchange:
    McCoy: I doubt any God who inflicts pain for his own pleasure.


  61. Sameboat1 says:

    So wrong on SO many levels.

  62. Mike_in_the_Tundra says:

    The churches named “King of Peace” will need to change their names. They’re not going to like that.

    About this: “big, bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms, thin waist, [and] strong shoulders.” A lot of us would like to date him, especially with that wonderful beard.

  63. JaneE says:

    When Jesus said that peacemakers would be called the children of God, he wasn’t talking about a Colt revolver. It is the meek who inherit the earth.

  64. 4th Turning says:

    Was just googling “Noah” trailer and wondering if we’d get to see Russell in a speedo-(I think it
    or nothing is de rigueur in Aussieland). Got lost in the ‘comments’ wilderness again.
    (The next Jesus-bien caliente!)
    Andrew Haym2 days ago
    Movies today are always about the end of the world and special effects to propel the story, instead of the actors, or the writing. And every movie soundtrack sounds plagiarized with the same loud drums and epic harmony. Talk about the death of Hollywood.
    ry alfrd2 days ago
    did you even know that by mocking scripture your actually making prophecy come to be, so i dont mind,the more the merrier.go for it.
    Matthew Larsen
    +ry alfrd Oh you mean that bit in the bible where it foretells scoffing. See even back then they knew the what they were writing would be recognised as crap
    you said it my
    darksorcerermusic2 days ago
    i hope they show the scene when Noah throws the phone at the bellboy….

  65. BeccaM says:

    You inspire me, dearie

  66. nicho says:

    The use of the word “cretin” is ironic. It came about as a corruption of the word “christian.” Christians were seen as meek and dull and the term came to be applied to people of limited mental faculties.

  67. nicho says:

    The Jesus “sword or no sword” mystery could be solved by a very prevalent school of thought that the early Christian mythology of Jesus was based on different characters with the same name. For those who aren’t aware, this was before not only 24-hour cable news, but tv itself, and even newspapers. A lot of the mythology was word of mouth and things got messed up.

    Many scholars believe there were at least two “Jesus” characters. One was the itinerant preacher, talking about love and forgiveness and telling people not to use swords. The other was what was known as a Zealot, who the Romans considered terrorists, since the goal of the Zealots was to overthrow the government. This would be the guy telling people to go out and buy a sword — two if they could afford it.

    It’s more likely that the Romans would crucify a Zealot rather than an itinerant preacher who was only saying nice things and telling his followers not to cause trouble. And even then, it’s doubtful they would have done it the way the mythical bible story tells it. Romans at the time were into mass executions and could do a couple of hundred in an afternoon. Unlikely they would crucify a preacher at all (especially one who hadn’t really bothered them) and more unlikely that they would break loose a platoon of soldiers to do it.

    The birth and death narratives of the NT are seen by all reputable scholars as purely fictional accounts.

  68. UncleBucky says:


    Hey, and Truck-Nuts, I never knew about that. But they remind me of phallic images of the Celts (?) and the cod-pieces worn during the Renaissance.

    The Nation is going over the edge, I think.

  69. PeteWa says:

    your additions are most excellent!

  70. UncleBucky says:

    These people (christianiSTs) wouldn’t know the meaning of the Beatitudes, Parables, the Lord’s Prayer (up to but not incl. the “doxology”), related passages, and the letters of Jesus’s brothers, James and Jude.

    Further, they have created a “god” (in this case a kind of warrior hercules/jesus) and have decided that worshiping IT will persuade the main “sky god” to give them a ticket to “heaven”. This is actually Old Testament blasphemy, or worshiping false gods, or graven (printed) images…

    It’s all there, these psychos are dangerous, boys and girls.

  71. Silver_Witch says:

    Not cheerios….Frosted Flakes…

    Oh shoot you said cheetos…my bad.

  72. BeccaM says:

    Trying being stuck in traffic behind such an adorned truck.

    It’s incredibly gross.

  73. keirmeister says:

    Okay…I had to Google Truck-Nuts.


  74. iamlegion says:

    What a despicable cretin. Boykin is a disgrace to the uniform, to Christians, and to America.

  75. BeccaM says:

    My understanding is that ergot-fueled psychosis is often like that.

    It takes some seriously twisted f*cks to look at the demented imagery of an obviously insane author and say, “Y’know, the Gospels were way too positive and just having those letters from Paul of Tarsus didn’t really hammer home the “you’re all going to HELL!” message. Let’s finish off the Bible with these ‘revelations,’ shall we? If that doesn’t terrorize people into giving us all their worldly possessions, nothing will.”

  76. I think these people missed whole message of the four gospels. They love Revelations and the Old Testament but like to not talk about the gospels.

  77. BeccaM says:


    – Subscription to Hustler
    – One (1) pair of Truck-Nuts, extra veiny
    – Dodge Ram from which to hang the aforementioned Truck-Nuts

    Because, y’know, compensation.

  78. heimaey says:

    We don’t know if “Jesus” said any of this. He’s an amalgamation of so many stories floating around at that time period. But if he DID say that then yes, he clarified by saying assault rifle instead.

  79. PeteWa says:

    checklist for all powerful god creatures while vacationing on earth:
    – Bowie Hunting Knife
    – Box of toothpicks
    – Cigars, lots of cigars
    – Sweatbands / Headband combo
    – AK-15s and 47s
    – Suitcase nuke
    – Suntan oil
    – Cheetos

  80. heimaey says:

    In his defense if these people’s “god” ever did return, it sounds like it would be fucked up. Revelations is fucking horrifying.

  81. PeteWa says:

    I remember that one time when Jesus roundhouse kicked the living daylights (and life) out of Lazarus and then had to raise him from the dead cause Mary was all, “dang Jesus, stop killing all your friends and learn how to play right!”

    it’s in the Bible.

  82. Naja pallida says:

    The natural extension of the fetishization of Jesus that has been ongoing since about the third century.

  83. 2patricius2 says:

    Of course Boykin conveniently ignores this passage: “‘Put your sword back in its place,’ Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.” (Or maybe there is a lost passage in which Jesus said “take up an assault rifle instead”….)

  84. keirmeister says:

    Whenever I talk to religious nuts like these, I make it a point to agitate them using their own language. They HATE being called false prophets and told they’re doing the work of Satan.

    But outside of that, reading the stupidity that is Boykin…seeing his Jesus lust on full display…I can only think of Patrick Stewart’s line from “Jeffrey”:

    Oooo! Get her!

  85. 2patricius2 says:

    The reason Jesus is coming back with an assault rifle, is that his aim in using storms and lightning and bird kills and floods is pretty awful.

  86. Dave of the Jungle says:

    And, Mary looked like Jean Simmons – not Yasur Arafat.

  87. BeccaM says:

    Aryan Jesus, obviously. Not that swarthy Middle-Eastern Jewish fellow, Yeshua bin Yusef…

  88. Dave of the Jungle says:

    Spank me, Jesus.

  89. God’s bottom.

  90. When he’s not sexually harassing women or berating minorities, Jesus goes to Florida to stand his ground.

  91. BeccaM says:

    Boykin clearly has an unusual sexual fantasy life… He talks like a total bottom.

  92. Dave of the Jungle says:

    John Rambo – The Son of God
    This time we gonna win.

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