GOP congressman: I oppose abortion because fetuses masturbate (video)

In a rather amazing story that lit up Twitter around midnight. Republican congressman Michael Burgess (R-TX), who is an OB/GYN, told a US House committee on Monday that he thinks abortion should be banned after 15 weeks as that’s when male fetuses begin to masturbate.


The story was first reported here, and subsequently Raw Story found a link to the entire hearing posted on the House Rules Committee Web site.  Here is the money quote from Burgess, followed by the video, that I excerpted as it was over an hour long:

This is a subject that I do know something about…. There is no question in my mind that a baby at 20-weeks after conception can feel pain. The fact of the matter is, I argue with the chairman because I thought the date was far too late. We should be setting this at 15-weeks, 16-weeks… You watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. They feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?

Yep, it’s always about the boy’s pleasure, not the girl’s.

Of course, it’s ironic that Republicans are now anti-abortion because they’re pro-masturbation.  You’ll recall that no less a Republican than Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia once lamented that the court’s ruling in favor of gay rights, and against sodomy laws, would limit the states’ ability to regulate masturbation.

Here’s Scalia’s dissent in Lawrence v Texas:

State laws against bigamy, same-sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, masturbation, adultery, fornication, bestiality, and obscenity are likewise sustainable only in light of Bowers’ validation of laws based on moral choices. Every single one of these laws is called into question by today’s decision; the Court makes no effort to cabin the scope of its decision to exclude them from its holding.

The Republican party’s new-found embrace of masturbation – underage masturbation at that – is perhaps evidence that the GOP’s new “rebranding” might finally paying off.

Don’t get me wrong.  The Republicans still don’t like women, blacks, Latinos or gays.  But at least they’re finally in favor of masturbation.

Well, for fetuses at least.

It’s a start.

PS And the jokes have already begun:


CyberDisobedience on Substack | @aravosis | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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73 Responses to “GOP congressman: I oppose abortion because fetuses masturbate (video)”

  1. Oh fuck. As if the jails in the US aren’t full enough of harmless pot smokers, Scalia wants to outlaw masturbation (boys “touching themselves”) at the very same time the “fetus personhood” movement is going full bore. Masturbatory fetuses doomed to a life of toil at a for profit private prison for a crime they can’t even remember. It’s as God intended. Born in sin. Enjoy.

  2. karmanot says:

    My brother saw this in Saudi Arabia. Sickening and horrible beyond human comprehension and these regressive animals are America’s No. 1 friend in the Middle East.

  3. karmanot says:

    “because y’all also don’t want to give the mother or the baby adequate healthcare” Are you sure ya’ll didn’t wander into the wrong blog? God bless yas little pea-pick’n heart.

  4. karmanot says:

    You mean like the ‘choice’ to murder innocent civilians by stealth drones?

  5. karmanot says:

    As I understand it, Dr. Mengele was also an expert. Moron.

  6. Naja pallida says:

    They do say that men come out of a woman, and then spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in.

  7. Naja pallida says:

    After all, pleasuring oneself between the legs has nothing to do with masturbation.

  8. frankiet says:

    Studies show that infants (not fetuses) make their first attempts at directed hand movement at about 20 weeks AFTER BIRTH. If Burgess still has a medical license, it should be revoked.

  9. BillFromDover says:

    Why not just ask the NSA for his records?

  10. BillFromDover says:

    “…we have to consider what is being done to other living beings in the name of choice.”

    Ya mean, like when we invaded Iraq?

  11. BeccaM says:

    Condescending much?

  12. BillFromDover says:

    I believe (in the Biblical sense, of course) that it has to contact the ground: Genesis 38:8-9. So the fetus should clear that hurdle.

  13. BillFromDover says:

    Well, rather than having to take a piss, why do you grab your gentiles for pleasure?

  14. Naja pallida says:

    Well, everyone should know that a woman’s body has ways of shutting down the urge to vote Republican too. :)

  15. KingCranky says:

    These rat bastards consider “The Handmaid’s Tale” a blueprint, not a warning.

  16. KingCranky says:

    It’s not “pro life” to value the mother’s life less than the fetus.

  17. debiannj says:

    Probably before – that way they can get the mother too.

  18. debiannj says:

    Maybe they just need to look at his computer and medical journals to see if he’s been studying kiddie porn.

  19. debiannj says:

    Because the anti-choice movement (I’m not going to call it pro-life because y’all also don’t want to give the mother or the baby adequate healthcare) keeps trying to make the CHOICE to have an abortion – or not – illegal, you are also legislating morality, thus passing a religious law, which is against the Constitution.

  20. debiannj says:

    Yep. I don’t think there is one person who advocates using abortion as birth control. Shoot, the majority of women who are pro-Choice wouldn’t choose it for themselves, but the think it should be there just in case someone needs it.

  21. debiannj says:

    And free.

  22. debiannj says:

    Well, if they are pregnant they certainly couldn’t have been raped. :) Couldn’t resist.

  23. phreedm says:

    How easily one is lead astray…at no time does the doctor claim masturbation. Let’s see…he’s an OB/GYN. I’d say he knows far more then any of us posting here. To claim he said “masturbation” moves the target from the topic he’s discussing. Of course, if anyone took the time to listen to an expert, they would have to question their bias…and we all know that will never happen.

  24. pappyvet says:

    Isnt dropping his seed also a sin?

  25. BeccaM says:

    I am 100% certain this is something we absolutely do not want to know.

  26. BeccaM says:

    He hates women having a choice.

    As many have said, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a guaranteed civil right and available on demand. Just like their boner pills.

  27. BeccaM says:

    That’s exactly what they have in mind.

  28. BeccaM says:

    I notice how you so economically spent not a single word mentioning the compelled breeder who, under the law being debated by Congress, would be forced to carry a dead fetus to term until naturally expelled or her life was put into imminent danger.

    These are adult women. We feel pain, too. And we have brains capable of intelligent cognition and communication, and the ability to make moral judgments on our own.

    The point of the argument is you fetus-fetishists never give a single damn about the life and health the women and girls whose bodies you’d enslave any time any male manages to fertilize an egg inside her — even if that fertilization was the result of rape or incest, and even if the developing fetus is so damaged it will never survive outside the womb.

    Until you put these women at least on equal footing with those fetuses and blastocysts and freshly fertilized eggs — and care enough to guarantee adequate medical care for every pregnant woman and for her kids after they’re born — you’re engaging in narrow-minded misogynistic sociopathic immoral hypocrisy.

  29. BeccaM says:

    Male fetuses jacking loads into their mother’s wombs? Isn’t that the textbook definition of ‘motherfucker’?

    Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

    And I find it fascinating how Congressman Burgess (R-TX* (of course)) seems to think that only boys masturbate.

    (* = Hey, Texas citizens: Are you folks ever gonna be properly ashamed of the ignorant goobers you keep sending to Washington? Or is this some elaborate practical joke we’re just not getting?)

  30. mike31c says:

    And this idiot is an expert of a male fetus masturbating because…???

  31. Naja pallida says:

    Over 34% of Texas women have no health insurance. A good 20% of women in Texas haven’t even seen a doctor in over a year because they can’t afford it. They’ve cut public funding for family planning so heavily, that about half the clinics that offered it in the state have closed. So even if women could afford it, there are fewer places to get care. Keep in mind, this is while the actual state-wide need for women’s health care has increased by over 10%, and Texas is leading the nation in things like teen pregnancy.

    Remember, they keep saying Texas should be an example state for us all. This is how “conservatives” want the whole country to be.

  32. karmanot says:

    Well done! A two-fer. :-)

  33. karmanot says:

    Do we stone them before or after birth?

  34. karmanot says:

    He should be thrown out of the profession and have his license revoked. How is it that every cretin in Texas is elected to Congress. I miss the days of Molly Ivins and Ann Richards.

  35. karmanot says:

    Well, there is that.

  36. karmanot says:


  37. karmanot says:

    Skin is crawling

  38. karmanot says:

    OMG, I would not want to see a pregnant woman within a mile of this quack. Run Texas women run. Simply incredible. Maybe the story was recounted wrongly. Some say the fetus was actually giving Dr. quack the finger.

  39. mikeyDe says:

    Will we soon see video of dozens of FBI agents raiding this man’s house looking for fetus porn on his computers?

  40. nicho says:

    So, you pretty much hate people having “choice.” OK. We’ll just do what a bunch of child rapists in the Vatican tell us to do.

  41. Naja pallida says:

    Of course, the vast majority of abortions occur by 12 weeks, and typically only happen after that if there is some other complication to the pregnancy… which generally means either the fetus is not viable, or the mother’s life is at risk.

    We don’t make silly jokes because there is something sexual involved, we make silly jokes because people like Mr. Burgess are a silly joke, and deserve to be treated as such.

  42. Naja pallida says:

    I want to know what makes conservative men seemingly disproportionately become ob/gyns. There are four Republican ob/gyns in the House right now, and they’re all idiots when it comes to the rights of women… not to mention Tom Coburn in the Senate, who also likes to profess his expertise on the uterus.

  43. Monoceros Forth says:

    No problem! There’s a very simple way for you to make a “moral decision”: next time you get pregnant, don’t get an abortion. Leave the rest of us to sin in private.

  44. jane says:

    I understand that this person thinks he can speak with authority on the subject because he is an OB/gYN…but ewwww he is essentially sexualizing a fetus! What a pervert! I bet he’s the type of dirty old man whose conversation is dripping with sexual innuendo….yuck. I hate to imagine what is going thru his mind when he examines his patients. Yuck.

  45. thebobbob says:

    Texas Congressman Michael Burgess (R-Texas) admits to watching young boys masturbate!!
    More ignorant spew from the Party of Stupid, Texas style!

  46. samizdat says:

    …and no therapy. Just the psycho.

  47. samizdat says:

    You mean like the woman in Ireland who was murdered by a Catholic hospital because they wouldn’t let her abort the her dying fetus, and thus brought about a fatal case of sepsis? That moral decision?

  48. BillFromDover says:

    He obviously didn’t graduate until he was in his 40s as they were determined not to leave him behind.

  49. clevetromba says:

    I don’t know about fetuses masturbating, that’s a new one to me, but clearly masturbation wasn’t the point of the argument. The whole point is that fetuses are at a stage of development by 15 weeks that allows them to feel pain. Are we all so stuck in adolescense that the mere implication of something sexual causes us to start making silly jokes and completely miss the point of the argument? Regardless of your opinions about “Choice” as human beings with the ability to make moral decisions we have to consider what is being done to other living beings in the name of choice.

  50. Naja pallida says:

    I’ll be sure to ask the rector for a hand in figuring it out on Palm Sunday.

  51. God's Phallus says:

    Holy shit! If god is the father son and holy spirit THEN… God entered Mary’s belly then masturbated turning himself into Jesus who also masturbated and the holy spirit is gods jizz! That explains EVERYTHING! O_O

  52. Anomaly 100 says:

    Me too!

  53. I love it when girls talk dirty ;-)

  54. Anomaly 100 says:

    Where is the Congressman’s other hand in the pic?

  55. Lalock says:

    If the fetus is masturbating, then of course it needs to be born, so these psychotic godbags can start condemning them as perverted sinners who should never have been born.

  56. Wildeye says:

    Project much?

  57. S1AMER says:

    My head aches.

  58. olandp says:

    If the baby is in the womb, is it masturbation, I mean, he is inside. Wouldn’t this be a double fisting too?

  59. lynchie says:

    Does this mean twins perhaps diddle each other, and what about triplets would that be the original menage e trois. Quads and quints must have the mother shaking like a person getting tasered. The mind boggles.

  60. Sally says:

    Geez, he was born in Minnesota, and got his med degree in Houston. The best part is he took over Dick Armey’s seat when he left to become an advisor to the NRC and a Fox pundit. I’m sure these guys have their eye on the real prize: a lucrative gig at Fox, just like Sarah.

  61. Sally says:

    Hmm…if the fetus had a hand between its legs, just how does the guy know it is male? I’m betting his attitude would change if he thought the fetus feeling pleasure was a ‘she.’

  62. DRoseDARs says:

    *Fry squint*
    The congressman is 62. Think harder. Math better.

  63. Max_1 says:

    Notice where his right hand is…
    … Is he feeling “pleasure” just then, too?

  64. Jim Olson says:

    Ah, yes. Well, *some* Christians might believe that there is only eternal damnation for you. I don’t happen to be one of them. There is a fairly wide stripe of Universalism down the middle of my otherwise Reformed theology. I think we’ll all be just fine.

  65. EdA says:

    The nadir of Republiscum intentional ignorance — to be both from Texas AND to be a physician — a double whammy. And female fetuses don’t sometimes end up with their hands between their legs? Why does this guy get himself prosecuted for watching kiddy porn?

  66. nicho says:

    The GOP has become a psychotherapy group — with no facilitator.

  67. BillFromDover says:

    These are the results one can expect when they teach to the test.

    I believe this all started in Texas under then governor George Bush and his No Idiot Left Behind initiative!

  68. BillFromDover says:

    Holy shit, Jim… now I finally understand baptism and original sin.

    Christ in a foreskin, I never thought about it this way before!

    BTW, I’m doomed for eternal damnation and there is no possible salvation, so Christians, don’t waste your prayers on this heathen!

  69. I was gonna post this in the morning, but figured this one couldn’t wait LOL

  70. Jim Olson says:

    The sin of Onan is clearly forbidden in Scripture. If fetuses are masturbating, they are committing a horrible sin.

  71. BillFromDover says:

    “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. They feel pleasure,…”

    And then they go back to their face… how yucky can a fetus get?

  72. Phil says:

    Clearly something happened to him as a fetus. And the March of Dimes missed him. What is it with the TX GOP??

  73. Ty Morgan says:

    Who the fuck gave this guy a medical degree?

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