Dear Texas: Leave, please.

I wrote yesterday about a petition on the White House Web site asking the Obama administration to let Texas secede from the Union.  The petition now has over 96,000 signatures, well over the 25,000 needed to elicit a White House response.

Then this morning, Gabe Ortiz noted that before Texas is permitted to leave, someone might want to check its pockets.  It seems Texans, in the immortal words of Bill O’Reilly, have a habit of “wanting stuff.”  And now that y’all are finally moving out, we’d like our stuff back, thank you very much.

Of course, Texas secession isn’t the only petition of note today.  There’s a new petition on the White House website that’s also picking up steam, and getting closer to the required number of signatures that would require President Obama to take action. Who can argue with this one?

Hey y’all! Don’t come back now, ya hear?

We can only hope that Texas’ drinking buddies, Alabama and Mississippi, and the rest of their freeloading Dixie family, join them in their big, racist Winnebago and drive away forever.

Thankfully, though, the fun people of Austin want to stay.  They too have their own petition, and it too is doing pretty well, with over 4,000 signatories.

White House Petition Austin USA

Austin, we like you — so glad you’re staying.

We like Austin.

They, Atlanta, and New Orleans are welcome to stay.

And Charleston too, because John likes their buttermilk biscuits, and their accent.

But Lindsay Graham has got to go, we don’t want him playing on our team, along with Karl Rove, both George Bushes, and a good chunk of the Baptists.  And don’t forget the ghosts of Jesse Helms and Lee Atwater, and all the other neanderthals the south has sent to Washington over the years, both living and dead.

Y’all want to elect crazy, more power to you.  But don’t expect us to make you any more $17 billion cups of black coffee next time you come home late with an electoral hangover and the political equivalent of an STD from palling around with the wrong party.

An American in Paris, France. BA in History & Political Science from Ohio State. Provided consulting services to US software startups, launching new business overseas that have both IPO’d and sold to well-known global software companies. Currently launching a new cloud-based startup. Full bio here.

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83 Responses to “Dear Texas: Leave, please.”

  1. Matthew says:

    I’m tired of this “Austin is very liberal” spiel. Austin is more conservative than Dallas or El Paso; not less. Which makes sense if you think about it; which most people won’t

  2. Cindy says:

    Thank you for this article! I thought I was the only sane person that really wanted Texas to go so I came online and found this. In fact, I secretly had wished they would be “kicked out” of the Union due to the arrogance, outright meanness and poverty that so-called state promotes, but Liberals are just too lenient for their own good, sometimes. I think I will go sign the petition now, and help them SECEDE! :D

  3. I so agree with you judybrowni! You did make me smile when you said “Republicans like their voters barefoot and uneducated.” Sooooo, true Judy! The pathetic tea baggers live and breathe Fox News propaganda.

    “Do you want to know about current events? You can’t go wrong with the New York Times, NPR, or even “The Daily Show.” One thing you might want to avoid, however, is Fox News. A new poll shows that people who watch Fox News are less informed about current events than people who don’t watch any news.”

  4. jail bankers now... says:

    It would a great pleasure to watch those soft shoes in fort worth and houston face off against the rest of the world…Texas is the home of the most dangerous people in this country…we should wish Texas was still Mexico…a fraud from the beginning.

  5. Naja pallida says:

    I didn’t miss it at all. The petition has just over 110,000 signatures… out of just over 25,675,000 million Texans. A fraction of a percent of the population. If they can barely get a fraction of a percent of the state to anonymously sign an internet petition, chances are even fewer would actually support it if they were actually confronted with the issue. Even popular conservative outlets, like Red State, have blown off the secessionist whiners as nothing more than a distraction from reality, and a merely means of avoiding doing the real work needed to rebuild the conservative movement back to being a viable option for the majority of the country.

  6. turdman mcpoop says:

    You seem to think a lone group of conservatives are deciding the fate of millions of Texans. Not so. Whatever the majority wills, the majority gets. If you still wanted to be a citizen of U.S. you would be; just living in a “foreign” nation.

  7. DontMessWithTexas says:

    I think you accidentally used two phrases that you don’t know the meaning of. It’s OK, it happens to a lot of idiots.

  8. Shoelace Toyota Rockenstein says:

    I think you missed the part where literally hundreds of thousands of Texans are in favor secession.

  9. Pinhead Larry says:

    A lot more than .3% are idiot nutter Republicans, and hundreds of thousands of them want to leave…so let’s get the ball rolling! Yeeeee haaaw

  10. QUALAR says:

    I think it’s a wonderful idea. We can replace the disloyal by awarding statehood to Puerto Rico. Wouldn’t have to add another star to the flag. We can build a fence on the border and require all Texans to carry papers to enter real America. Also, place all Texans on the “No Fly List.” Oh, and don’t forget to blockade any subsidized oil being exported from their shores. We could place a huge tax meter on the Keystone Pipeline and rake in the royalties. Go Texas Go!!!

  11. Buford says:

    This whole deal is such nonsense. So .3% of Texans who are idiot nutter Republicans signed a petition because they don’t have the cognitive ability to deal with disappointment… so what? Why is this news?

  12. BlueIdaho says:

    Perhaps you were going for “666”? Sounds like another brain-washed christian nut.

  13. BlueIdaho says:

    Well in all fairness most of the air pollution in El Paso comes from the factories just across the border in Juarez Mexico.

  14. BlueIdaho says:

    Also the writer shouldn’t capitalize County and “Washington give”….well it appears a grammar lesson is in order.

  15. BlueIdaho says:

    Connie, do you live in Texas?

  16. BlueIdaho says:

    LOL, that is so not nice!

  17. Cerberus79 says:

    So long, Texas…and take that border-line moron you elected governor with you.

  18. please let me be the first to sign

  19. maybe but at least they don’t have rick perry. that’s a plus

  20. Dakotahgeo says:

    ROFLMBO!!! Priceless!!! Thank you sooo much! <49 states sounds soooo delicious, especially when they're moochers!

  21. colleen2 says:

    We built the prisons. You don’t get to keep them.

  22. pcf says:

    I am a Texan. I have been a Democrat all my adult life. Texas is a big state with big crazies. Please don’t dismiss all of us. Obama won San Antonio, yet no one ever mentions wanting to keep us!

  23. mike31c says:

    Yes, please leave. Don’t forget to take your air and water pollution with ya (I was stationed at Ft. Bliss, Tx so I know what I am talking about!)

    So not going to miss you and your ignorance!

  24. Stacy says:

    I’m from Texas! I don’t want to go! I’ve always hade an extreme amount of pride for my state, but this is just getting embarrassing. I hope this is all just angry super conservative fools and they quiet down in a bit.

  25. Do they get the mineral rights?

  26. judybrowni says:

    Hello Conservative!

    So, you lost, huh? Sorry to hear that. I know how hard it must be for you. I heard you were thinking of heading to Canada, but then you discovered they have socialized medicine up there and you changed your plans. You may be wondering what free-market havens you can head to now that your country is dead.

    Good news! I’ve compiled a list of the top three destinations you can go to to get your Freep on.

    I’m sure you are hoping to get away to a relatively wealthy nation. Unfortunately, all the other countries in the list of top ten nominal GDPs, outside of the United States, have national healthcare, even India and Brazil. In fact, to find a country without a national healthcare system, we have to go all the way down to lucky number 18, Indonesia.


    You’re sure to appreciate the rampant deforestation and pollution caused by lax or non-existent environmental regulation. Beautiful Buyat Bay is teeming with arsenic and other heavy metals from the unregulated dumping of tailings from Grasberg Mine, the largest gold mine in the world. Perhaps you’ll even enjoy long swims in the toxic water, it’s not like hair and teeth matter, anyway.

    There are a couple of problems, however. Even though Indonesia doesn’t currently have a national healthcare system, they are in the process of implementing a program that will provide 100% coverage by 2014. The country was also the home of Barack Hussein Obama for four years. So, maybe it’s not exactly perfect.If Indonesia doesn’t tickle your fancy, you could give Somalia a try.


    Following the collapse of communism and a civil war, Somalia became a Libertarian paradise. The country has no functional government, which should set your anarchist heart a twitter. There really is no better place to let your free-market spirit run free than Somalia. Sure, you may have to battle pirates and rape gangs, but that’s a small price to pay for freedom.

    Of course, Somalia is on the eastern most cost of Africa, so, you know, blah people.Don’t feel like battling pirates? Then Honduras may be the place for you.


    In Honduras, the quality and availability of healthcare is directly tied to income level. Sure, they speak Spanish in Honduras, but you’d technically still get to be an American. In the past 20 years, Honduras has continuously moved toward decentralization and privatization of just about everything.

    If you decide to move to Honduras, you might want to hire a bodyguard, as Honduras has the highest intentional homicide rate in the world. Don’t worry, though, there are surely plenty to find in the free-market.So, there you go. Three places built on the conservative values you cherish. Have fun and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

  27. judybrowni says:

    Goodness me, but for some reason tea baggers are never armed with facts when they try to enter a discussion.

    Now why would that be? Because Republicans like their voters barefoot and uneducated.
    So go, you can personally take your self to any U.S. embassy in the world, and renounce your citizenship. Fact.

  28. judybrowni says:

    ” This country was founded on the secession of the queen”

    Okay, genius, Great Britain was ruled by a king (and a mad one at that) when the U.S. declared independence.

    Even if they’d had a queen, it wouldn’t have been she who was “secessioned.”

    The rest of your screed, makes even less sense, if that’s possible.

  29. judybrowni says:

    The “County” of the United States?

    If you were a teensy bit more uninformed, your head would have to be hollow.

  30. judybrowni says:

    It’s spelled “speech”: and freedom of speech, doesn’t mean freedom from consequences.

    They don’t want to be U.S. citizens? Fine, let’s help.

  31. Webster says:

    Which reminds me of the comment from General Sheridan: “If I owned both Hell and Texas, I’d rent out Texas and live in Hell.”

  32. Naja pallida says:

    The sad part is, back in the mid-1990s, it wasn’t. The Austin area was called the Silicon Valley of the South, because it had a huge and booming tech market. Big companies like Dell, Motorola, Raytheon, IBM, etc, etc, all had plants here, with good paying jobs. Even the fast food places had to offer hiring bonuses and 10+ dollars an hour pay rates, because they had to compete with the thousands of phone tech support jobs, which would hire pretty much anyone – even high school kids. Then they decided that all those jobs could be shipped to India, Mexico and Slovakia, where they could pay their workers a fraction of the salary… voila, tech bubble bursts, majority of those jobs vanish almost overnight. They turn most of the campus of what was an IBM fabrication plant into a yuppie shopping center.

  33. Naja pallida says:

    Yeah, but if El Paso gets to seceded from Texas, then it probably becomes either part of New Mexico or old Mexico. Neither seems to be a particularly great choice. Not to knock NM, lived there for years and love the state, but its politics leave something to be desired… and it is among the worst states for needing federal money. :)

  34. A reader in Colorado says:

    In a two party system, choosing among two pre-approved and selected candidates of two pre-approved parties with a lock on power is not akin to “overthrowing a government”.

  35. Naja pallida says:

    They do step down and let it happen. Every four years after something we call ‘elections’, where we go with the majority vote on whether to overthrow the current administration and implement an all new one, or stay with the status-quo. It has been a remarkable and repeated process. Just because the minority doesn’t get their way, the Constitution still doesn’t allow them the right to overthrow, nor even leave, the existing government. They have another four years to get their shit together and try to gain enough support to get their way next time around. Stomping around like a bunch of spoiled children whose mommy won’t buy them the expensive toy they want is probably not the best first step towards that goal… but hey, its a free country. Its your party, you can cry if you want to.

  36. HolyMoly says:

    Two further thoughts:

    (1) The Declaration didn’t call for the overthrow of the government of Great Britain; it called for separation from it (hence the word “independence”).

    (2) If we were “allowed” to overthrow our government anytime we wished, why would we ever have to take up arms to do it? Would they just step down and allow it to happen?

  37. HolyMoly says:

    The Declaration of Independence became a dead document once we achieved independence. It’s significant as a historical document, but it is not a governing document. The ONLY governing document is the U.S. Constitution, in which there can be found no provision allowing for the overthrow of the government.

    Sharon was talking about “sedition,” not the Sedition Act, whichever one you’re referring to (there were two). Both of them violated the Constitution by suppressing free speech, like opposition to World War I, or criticism of the government.

    I’ll let you squeak past with a D- in history because I’m a nice guy.

    They’re talking about secession, anyway, not revolution…quite a different animal. And what those crackpots are talking about is essentially renouncing their citizenship (and taking their land along with it).

  38. Green Eagle says:

    We “libtards” are tired of people in Republican States living off of our money while they smugly lecture us about how to live. Pay your own way, moochers, and then maybe we’ll take you seriously.

  39. Green Eagle says:

    How do you know that, Jonathan? Through mental telepathy? There is absolutely no way to tell the economic status of someone who signs one of these petitions to the White House, nor should there ever be. In fact, like right wingers everywhere, you just made up that supposed fact. You still refuse to recognize the real fact that Democratic leaning States support most all Republican States, and if you guys got your way, the South would quickly deteriorate until, in a couple of decades it would resemble nothing so much as a great big Guatemala.

  40. Let’s not just “let them go.” Wouldn’t it be much more satisfying kickin’ their backward asses out of the Union instead?

  41. Green Eagle says:

    I have a suggestion for President Obama, should this movement pick up any steam. As a matter of urgent national security, he should immediately begin closing all military bases in these States, and moving all military contracts (i.e. Lockheed in Marietta, Georgia) to companies in parts of the nation that can be counted on to remain.

  42. Harley says:

    The County of the US is not what it used to be. It is time for change, It is time we the people try something different. We hate to do this but Washington give us no other option. The US government is so corrupt.

  43. Not to mention their lack of front teeth!

  44. KingCranky says:

    It’s the taxpayers in the blue areas here in Texas-the cities-who are carrying the dead weight of the rural areas.

    If Texas wants to secede from the Union, then we here in El Paso get to secede from Texas.

  45. Brogue says:

    The point that Chris and others seem to be missing is that “Texas” doesn’t want to secede. More than 40% of the votes cast for president on Nov. 6 in Texas were for Obama. This type of divisive and dismissive rhetoric plays on ridiculous stereotypes and is frustrating to the many Texans who would actually agree with you on most things. You’re not hurting the Texas conservatives and Republicans with this kind of nonsense, they already think you’re ‘librul commies’. This generalized derision and dishonesty about all Texas and Texans, because there is little distinction made, that Chris seems utterly amused by in the way a kid on the playground would find spitting in your hair amusing, is silliness, and it’s offensive.

  46. FunMe says:

    No not yet. I will have to get my mother and sister and her family out before this happens! BUT WAIT! I think Austin and San Antonio are fine and we should keep them.

  47. What’s hilariously overlooked by the author of the exile petition… IS THAT THE PEOPLE SIGNING THE SECESSION PETITIONS ARE TAXPAYERS. Not food stamp recipients, welfare recipients or the unemployed. I HOPE YOU GET YOUR WISH. Your bankrupt liberal utopia will be realized immediately!

  48. Karl Marx says:

    This country was founded on the secession of the queen.. On stolen land, Don’t worry though.. I hear those reservations(/prisons) are just peachy (: Sad sad pigs, You only play deeper into a game you will never win., Chase your paper money, But remember the law of karma: That which is stolen, Will be stolen back eventually. Only this time, China will not treat you as kindly as you “think” you’ve treated the world.
    Tl;dr: Wait and see.. As rome before you, A new leader will rise.

  49. karmanot says:

    “the 15th largest economy in the WORLD” That’s true because it’s workers are paid like serfs, can’t afford insurance, have food insecurity and shitty public schools and the list goes on. Texas competes with third world populations in poverty rates. Texas is a corporatist cesspool.

  50. karmanot says:

    Let’s throw in North Carolina.

  51. karmanot says:

    Ann Richards and Molly Ivins we need you!

  52. Matt says:

    Its not only texans signing it. And whoever made the petition to strip the citizenship of the people is more unamerican then the people who want to secede. Its called freedom of speach.

  53. samiinh says:

    You must be from Texas.

  54. There is a popular myth that Texas has a right to succeed from the Union. In 1845, Congress admitted Texas as a state, an annexation which eventually started the Mexican-American War of 1846. (Texas had successfully seceded from Mexico in 1836.) Contrary to some popular myths, the documents governing Texas’ accession into the United States of America do not mention any right of secession. Further, the idea of succession was decided for certain in the 1869 U.S.Supreme Court case Texas v. White. The Union, the Court said, “never was a purely artificial and arbitrary relation.” Rather, “It began among the Colonies. …It was confirmed and strengthened by the necessities of war, and received definite form, and character, and sanction from the Articles of Confederation.

  55. MikeinSanJose says:

    I’d like to keep Galveston too…

  56. GoBlue says:

    The Berlin wall came down. Is the Austin wall about to go up?

  57. Mark Cowan says:

    Probably a very small percentage of folks who signed the petition actually want to secede. Their goal is probably similar to mine. To let the federal government know that we are tired of the libtards taking our money and giving to those who are too lazy to work. We are also tired of the federal government making laws on subjects which are constitutionally supposed to be left up to the individual states to decide for themselves.

  58. madam says:

    Texas is in the top 5 states who pay in more. If TX freeloaded so much it wouldn’t have the 15th largest economy in the WORLD. <<
    Facts mean everything and opinions mean nothing. We bring more to the table then any of these states alone. We can be bad on our own. We shouldn't have to pay for all these "foodstamp and section 8" dependant families that dont need it just because barack says so. I like having options and rights, besides, that's what my father faught in the war for right? The government is going to completely own us with our hands tied and our mouths sewn shut, so hell yeah! All for texas taking care of itself, and not only because we "want" to but because we "can". I'm not ignorant enough to think we can do this all on our own, of course we'll need allies but if we wanna split because we can and think it would be better for us does that have to make us enemies? Why suffer when you dont have to?

  59. karmanot says:

    Maybe if we had a national Morlock’s day they would go away.

  60. Mark Cowan says:

    There are 13 federal prisons in Texas which is the most of any state. If anything Texas would have to export other State’s federal prisoners back to their home state.

  61. Naja pallida says:

    Actually, that trend has reversed. Texas used to pay a lot more to the federal government in taxes than it received back, but under Bush and Perry, they have steadily eroded that all away… and it was about 50/50 for a while, then from 2007 until 2010, they received more than they paid to the federal government, and since then they’ve gone back to being about an even split. The idea that Texas is this big donor state, “paying for all our lazy asses” is simply not the case. They pay for their own lazy asses, on a good year. On bad years, other states are helping them. The economy of Texas is hanging off the oil industry almost entirely… and their lack of proper attention paid to health care, education and its growing Hispanic population is going to bite them on the ass in the not too distant future… not that it isn’t already.

    By your argument, one could never ever be tried as a traitor or for sedition, because they could simply cite the Declaration of Independence and claim it was their duty to try and overthrow the government. History and legal precedent has proven this to not be the case, at all. But I will agree, sore losers impotently crying on the internet hardly rises to the level of actual sedition.

  62. emjayay says:

    This reminds me of a lot of the Yahoo News posts. Occasionally I write a reply asking for some sort of details to back up their general accusations, as do others, but I’ve never seen a reply. Like: OK, interesting, exactly what fraud are you talking about? What corruption? Please explain. Or in the case of other Yahoo News comments:, OK, please explain how Obama is a dictator/communist/socialist/liar/Kenyan/reasons why he should be impeached,etc.

    Of course most comments here are more informed and intelligent and interesting.

  63. Badgerite says:

    Well, sure, they can leave. It’s called a passport. The world is their oyster. They will have to leave the land behind though, so, drop us a postcard. Don’t be a stranger! Did I mention that I’m enjoying this immensely.

  64. dula says:

    Fox has failed you again. The people in Blue states earn higher incomes and are better educated than those in Red states. Don’t you hate being misinformed?

  65. Naja pallida says:

    Let’s get real here. This whole thing is nothing but a distraction by a very few ignorant loudmouths who are stomping their feet and holding their breath because they didn’t get their way in a representative democratic election. While mocking them is the right thing to do, this topic certainly did not warrant three separate blog threads.

    Even if you round up all the totals on the sedition petitions to the nearest thousand people, you’re still talking about less than 0.001% of the population of the country… that are willing to sign an internet petition which means absolutely nothing. If you actually made them put their money where their mouth was, instead of playing games anonymously on the internet, probably only a fraction of those would still support sedition against the United States.

    Sore losers will always be sore losers, that’s just how it goes. Laugh at them and move on to something worth discussing.

  66. Minarum says:

    Seems someone needs to go back to school to learn what a traitor is and what the Sedition Act was about. Because going by what both of them mean, Obama would of been thrown in prison and executed before his 2nd year in office. And given the Declaration of Independence, we are allowed to overthrow our government when they have become too corrupt to govern. But I guess you failed history Sharon. But either way going back on topic. I agree with ayekamercury. “Chris in Paris” is an idiot and obviously doesn’t have a clue whats going on in this country. Texas freeloading? Lol, we pay for all your lazy asses to not work because we HAVE a great economy with (mostly)smart people running our state government. Oh well, this is wishful thinking for it to be peaceful. But we shall see :)

  67. nicho says:

    Yeah, if they don’t like it here, why don’t they just move? I’m sure some country would love to have them. (HA)

  68. MoonDragon says:

    If Tejas wants to secede, fine. But please note, the US will not interfere if Mexico chooses to reclaim its territory.

  69. nicho says:

    Let’s take it for a test drive. Remove all Border Patrol personnel from Texas. Check back with them in a month of so. See how many people still want to sign the petition then. Oh, and give them back all the Texas residents who are in federal and other prisons.

  70. SkippyFlipjack says:

    I’m going to create a petition to get rid of this whole petition system on account of its abuse by those secession idiots.

  71. SkippyFlipjack says:


  72. Sharon Boyd says:

    What part of traitor or act of sedition do you not understand ?

  73. timtiminhouston says:

    I have started a petition to let Houston, TX leave Texas! We are not all traitors down here! Maybe we could join Austin in making a new state! here it is
    this is the url
    I need 150 signatures

  74. NotYou says:

    “We can only hope that Texas’ drinking buddies, Alabama and Mississippi, and the rest of their freeloading Dixie family, join them in their big, racist Winnebago and drive away forever.” That must be the open-minded tolerant side of you. Good job on not mentioning the petitions created after previous elections, all the “I’m moving to Canada” complaints when GW was elected, or even that states outside the South have created petitions. Nah, it’s much easier to lump everyone together in one easy to understand (or label) pigeon hole. Good job on fueling the fire.

  75. A_nonymoose says:

    I think you should be the first to leave, Connie.

  76. skeeball says:

    As a New Yorker, I signed both. If Texas wants to go, let them, especially if they’ll take Alabama and Mississippi with them. I would happily keep Austin too

  77. ayekamercury says:

    free loading? Please.

    Texas is in the top 5 states who pay in more. If TX freeloaded so much it wouldn’t have the 15th largest economy in the WORLD.

    And this petition is absurd.

    Illegal immigrants dont even get deported.

    So why would the individuals who signed this petition have their citizenship stripped and be exiled for doing what is a right given to them by the US constitution?

    I.e; Peacefully voicing our opinion in a petition

  78. lilyannerose says:

    As an Austinite I proudly signed both! Let Texas go and leave Austin in peace!

  79. Well I’m happy to see that massive amount of fraud and corruption throughout the Obama administration, in the media and in the people is fine with you. The country is over.

  80. slappymagoo says:

    Fight stupid with snarky, that’s what I always say.

    Seriously, I always say that. It’s incredibly awkward especially at funerals and parole hearings.

  81. Brogue says:

    Doubling down, eh Chris?

  82. UncleBucky says:

    I say, send all these secession petition signers SOUTH. Mwahahahaha!

  83. Nomad says:

    Well, this does put a new perspective on dry civil war history doesn’t it?

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