Valentina Petrov /

Putin commentary in The Onion: “Thanks for being so cool about everything”

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“Thank you for ensuring that I can just concentrate on doing whatever I want.”
Chris Christie, via L.E.MORMILE / Shutterstock

Onion on Christie: “Do I look like a corrupt, vengeful, openly antagonistic bully to you?”

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“I could never, ever be capable of endlessly obsessing over every last criticism leveled against me.”

Shrieking white-hot sphere of pure rage is early GOP front-runner for 2016 (Onion video)

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“This thing is young, exciting, it feeds off fear and terror, it’s no wonder conservatives are raving about it.”
The Onion on the Pope

Onion: Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward

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“I am no longer capable of impeding social progress with the energy and endurance that is required.”
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