Merry Christmas, from Chiron Beta Prime

One of the best Christmas videos ever.

Chiron Beta Prime

This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid.
That hasn’t undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it’s almost Christmas by the marks we make on the wall.
That’s our favorite time of year.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.

On every corner there’s a giant metal Santa Claus, who watches over us with glowing red eyes.
They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good.
Not everybody’s good but everyone tries.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It’s like a Winter Wonderland.

(They tried to decorate and make it look more Christmassy, but what they did was more like Christmas in hell.
They nailed a Santa to a cross in front of everyone,
It wasn’t pleasant but I’m sure they meant well.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It’s like a Winter Wonderland.)

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.

That’s all the family news that we’re allowed to talk about.
We really hope you’ll come and visit us soon.
I mean we’re literally begging you to visit us.
And make it quick before they [MESSAGE REDACTED].
Now it’s time for Christmas dinner – I think the robots sent us a pie!
You know I love my soylent green.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
Note: lyrics in parentheses are from the alternate version of the song.


Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Instagram | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Feliz Navidad!

    The other half of me says, “Merry Christmas!”

  • Zorba

    Thanks, John! I always used to look forward to this every Christmas. And have a καλά Χριστούγεννα and Καλή χρονιά!

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Thanks. This is one of my Christmas traditions.

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