Pope Francis says he’d baptize a Martian (video)

The Pope revealed that he’d be willing to baptize Martians, if the Martians asked him to.

Stephen Colbert covered the latest sacrilege from the far-too-human-appearing new pontiff. Here’s the exact quote:

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All humor aside, it is an interesting comment, packed with far more meaning, as Elizabeth Dias of TIME points out:

Pope Francis brought up Martians as he was preaching about a specific New Testament story: early Christians were wondering if Jews and Gentiles could associate, and God gave the Apostle Peter a vision that salvation extended beyond the deepest cultural divides. It was a moment of internal crisis for the early church. “That was unthinkable,” Francis explained. And, to show just how unthinkable it was, he added: “If—for example—tomorrow an expedition of Martians came, and some of them came to us, here…Martians, right? Green, with that long nose and big ears, just like children paint them…And one says, ‘But I want to be baptized!’ What would happen?”

The Catholic church has a long way to go on a number of issues, from the sexual abuse of children to its hurtful polices on gays and women.  But change often comes, begins, in small steps.  And Pope Francis keeps taking those steps.  Considering how hateful the Catholic church has been over the millenia, this is change we should welcome.

I’m not quite ready to name Francis an honorary amicus Theodora just yet, but I am becoming increasingly Pope-curious.  So far he’s a heck of a lot better than most who have come before him.  And that kind of change is welcome.


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  • Diana German

    13:10 into it. Hilarious…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGCEeln0OBQ

  • The_Fixer

    Bill, it appeared just fine. Remember to refresh the page after you upload it, otherwise it won’t appear.

  • http://www.americablog.com/ Naja pallida

    They always like to claim the 1.2 billion number, without mentioning that repeated studies show that only about 25% are actually actively practicing. It isn’t just Catholicism, many people may identify with a certain religion, for familial or community reasons, but don’t actually have any interest in participating in it. That being said, even at the 25% number, I don’t know a media outlet that wouldn’t kill for even a significant fraction of a ~300 million level of readership.

  • Bill_Perdue
  • Bill_Perdue

    Here’s the photo.

  • Bill_Perdue

    Here’s the photo

  • Bill_Perdue

    Wherever you look the roman cult has deep interconnections with Italian and Spanish fascism and Nazism. The previous pope and his family were deeply connected to the Nazi regime. This pope is linked to the fascists who murdered thousands of leftists, union organizers and youth in Argentina in the 1970′s.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22064929

    On Sunday, an Argentinian newspaper published a government memo that seems to definitively prove that Bergoglio did indeed provide information to the murderous dictatorship, informing authorities about allegations against two Jesuit priests who were kidnapped, tortured and imprisoned for five months for allegedly contacting anti-regime leftist guerrillas.

    On March 13, Digital Journal published a lengthy article detailing Jorge Bergoglio’s– and the Argentine Catholic church’s– alleged role in collaborating with that country’s brutal, US-backed military dictatorship, a regime characterized by kidnapping, torture, murder and disappearance. As many as 30,000 people, from students, trade unionists, journalists and leftists and their sympathizers to children and even pregnant women (whose babies were stolen), were killed or disappeared during the 1976-1983 ‘Dirty War,’ which was fully supported by the Carter and Reagan administrations. http://www.globalresearch.ca/smoking-gun-memo-proves-pope-francis-collaborated-with-military-junta/5327354

    The photo below is from the UK Daily Mail “Pope Francis (left) with Jorge Videla, head of the Argentine Junta, responsible for the death, disappearance and torture of tens of thousands of Argentines in its so-called Dirty War

  • The_Fixer

    Well, there are, by most educated estimates, 7 billion people on the planet. 1.2 billion is a sizable minority, but still a minority.

    In an attempt to answer my own question, I think it has something to do with money having influenced the conversation. The Catholic church has a lot of it, and money can buy a lot of publicity.

    I could also propose a number of other theories, but won’t. My comment was meant to note the out-sized influence that one particular belief system has on the international conversation, and the undeserved credibility that the Catholic church seems to have gotten.

  • 2karmanot

    ppppfffffttt!

  • 2karmanot

    ppppfffffttt!

  • Indigo

    Oh, of course! Good ole’ Dorothy (Kilgallen), aka Miss KondiNastie.

    Nastiest line ever: upon the occasion of Marilyn Monroe’s suicide is whispered to have quipped, “Brilliant career move!” As Frank Sinatra once said . . .”As a parting remark, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to leave you with
    one thought. If you happen to run into Dorothy Kilgallen, be sure you’re
    in your car.”

  • Jerry

    Latin for Friend of Dorothy.

  • Jerry

    “So far he’s a heck of a lot better than most who have come before him.”
    John, I agree with you, but that is a pretty low bar to jump over!

  • Indigo

    Good question.

  • olandp

    Ok. I googled it but didn’t come up with a meaning for amicus Theodora . What does that mean?

  • goulo

    ” Jesuits are known to be cunning and manipulative.”

    Really? This matter-of-fact blanket statement is known to be true about Jesuits? It’s not just a cliched derogatory stereotype?

    I’m surprised at such a smearing generalization. Seems analogous to saying “Jews are known to be conniving and greedy” or “Muslims are known to be violent terrorists”.

  • Indigo

    He was joking, I’m sure of it, but one thing not brought forward is an effort to understand why in the heck a Martian would want to be baptized? They’re already Buddhists, you can be sure of that.

  • Indigo

    Oh. At least it’s not L. Ron.

  • bpollen

    Hell yes! Scientologists and Mormons on Mars. They need saved too.

  • goulo

    Lots of interesting science fiction has been written over the decades about Christianity and alien races. E.g. the classic Hugo-award-winning novel A Case of Conscience by James Blish.(Coincidentally the main character is Jesuit!)
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Case_of_Conscience

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Heinlein reference, if I recall correctly. Might not be though.

  • Ninong

    He was hoot, that’s for sure, but he began to take his position seriously in his later years and actually did stuff pope stuff. I think the Academy Award for most outrageous performance as pope has to go to John XII, who reigned for 8-1/2 years beginning when he was barely 18 years old. He died at the age of 26 or there might have been no limit to his talent. Just google him, he’s a riot. And yes, he was legit.

    P.S. — Every time someone mentions Alexander VI, I see Jeremy Irons now, thanks to that TV series.

  • Straightnotnarrow

    An absolutely amazing series of books.

  • doug105

    The nuns where very much ahead of the church with mostly the same stances this pope is paying lip service too, I think the truth is in the way they are still being treated.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Mainly because in economic and most* social policies, Francis is utterly unlike either of the last two popes. And probably some folks are openly wondering if he’ll be offed, as many feel happened to John Paul I, for the transgression of threatening to be too liberal for the entrenched Catholic hierarchy.

    * = I have to say ‘most’ because concerning gay rights, women, and assuming real culpability for the Catholic priest pedophile scandals, Francis is nearly as much a hard-liner as all of his predecessors.

    I mean, let’s not forget how Pope Ratsy kept insisting that gay people were not only going to burn in hell, according to him our mere existence was somehow a threat to the entire human race.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Someone should send Francis a copy of The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell.

    Attempting to send missionaries to an utterly alien, non-human culture is not likely to go anything like he might imagine…

  • PeteWa

    there being 1.2 billion catholics in the world might have something to do with it.

  • Indigo

    That was his statement in Argentina a few years back while the Argentinians were debating the topic. More recently, he’s said “Who am I to judge?” The bottom line is clear enough, Catholics are habitually hateful about same sex relationships and that’s not going to change but PF1 is prepared to equivocate for the sake of public relations. No surprise there.

  • Indigo

    Ha-ha!

  • Indigo

    Yes, but Alexander VI was more fun (hint: he was the Borgia pope).

  • jomicur

    He is adamantly opposed to letting gay people adopt (http://www.towleroad.com/2013/12/pope-francis-shocked-by-gay-adoption.html#comments), and several of his recent appointees to high clerical office had made horrible statements about gay marriage and gay rights generally. By their works ye shall know them…

  • jomicur

    Silvester II was not only a pope, he studied under (gasp!) Muslims in Cordoba and was a scientist. Among other things he is credited with introducing the use of Arabic numerals, including zero, to the Western world. Most of his successors have given the world zero, too, but not in the same way.

  • jomicur

    It would be kind of nice, though, if he’d concentrate on making his church treat women and LGBT people decently instead of worrying about sci-fi scenarios, no?

  • pappyvet

    It burns ! It burns ! ;]

  • Indigo

    Alexander VI was more fun.

  • Indigo

    I did not know that. Is that from The Onion?

  • Indigo

    They’re probably here to adopt American babies.

  • Indigo

    Oh but he makes the most wonderful cover for ignoring the Israeli attack on the Palestinian people and the fraking of North Dakota wheat fields and the Russian invasion of Stalinist-occupied eastern Ukraine and the incredible ignorance that surrounds NASA and a whole bunch of other stuff.

  • Indigo

    A Jesuit is a Jesuit is a Jesuit. Pope Francis is a pleasant face on a nasty institution but that doesn’t change the institution. What’s interesting is how quickly American bishops and Vatican PR leap to explain what the pope really meant. I suspect what he really means is exactly what he says but that what he says is not necessarily the same as what he will do. Remember, his native language is Spanish and we all remember the first stumbling block in Spanish 101, the difference between ser and estar. No hay problema (until there is one).

  • Thom Allen

    Francis is a Jesuit. Jesuits are known to be cunning and manipulative. Before jumping on the Popemobile consider the following.

    Francis may be trying to project the image that he’s a kind, loving man, and he may be. But there are a number of contradictions between what he says and what he does.

    He loathes the monetary inequality that exists. He says that trickle down doesn’t work. He really wants to help the poor. It is estimated that the Vatican Bank (interestingly the “Vatican Bank” doesn’t exist. It’s called the Institute for Religious Works.) has assets of well over $10 billion. That’s not counting the real estate owned within Vatican City and Rome. Nor does it consider the thousands of artworks the Vatican possesses. Yet, he has made no move to help feed the poor, provide medical care for them, assist with educating them by liquidating any of those assets. Why does a church need billions of dollars? To make more money? It made over 100 million in interest in 2011. Of course, money is a source of power. And control.

    Francis has publicly told the clergy that they should move away from their obsessions directed against birth control, abortion and same-sex marriage. He’s told them to show more interest in pastoral works like being more charitable, helping the disadvantaged, reaching out to others. As the Supreme Pontiff, he can remove bishops or cardinals from their positions for virtually any reason. Or he can transfer them to some office in the church that has relatively high visibility, but lacks any real power. Yet, he continues to let cardinal Dolan, Bishop Paprocki and many others speak out against gays, abortion and birth control with impunity. However, Francis showed that he could be very authoritarian when he accepted the “resignation” of the spendthrift “Bishop of Bling” in Limburg, Germany. But he lets others continue with their attacks on social issues. Interesting. If Francis is serious about getting the clergy off of their butts on social issues and herding them away from abortions, same-sex marriage and birth control, why didn’t Dolan, Paprocki and others who are not following Francis’ lead “resign”?

    For all of the love that he wants to bestow on the people of the world, he’s not happy with an organization that represents the majority of US nuns, the Leadership Conference of Women Religious. Francis, and Benedict before him, doesn’t like the stance that the group has taken with respect to supporting gays and supporting feminism. Their humanitarian work was favored by the Holy See, but it felt that they focused too much on “social issues” (aren’t feeding the poor, providing health care, etc. social issues a la Francis?) and were undermining the catholic faith. They also wanted to honor a nun (woman) who is a well-respected theologian who has views that don’t sit well with the bishops (men.) But Francis didn’t chastise them (much) in public. He sent one of his cardinals to do the dirty work. The group is now under even stricter control as a result. And Francis is unsullied by this. So he still appears to be the kind, gentle, loving father figure.

    It seems interesting that sometimes what Francis says isn’t reflected in what he does. My gut feeling is that some of what is going on here is purely public relations. Francis realizes that the church has been damaged by scandals (pedophile priests and cover ups, banking improprieties and more) and it needs to at least appear to be undergoing rehabilitation. I’m somewhat skeptical as to what, if any, substantive changes there will be. Someone who appears to be a benign, loving pope is a good place to start.

  • The_Fixer

    I fail to understand why anything and everything the pope does is worthy of a news story.

  • SomeYankInRio

    Talk is cheap – or not since it looks like the Vatican’s (Fox News alum) head of PR is earning his paycheck.

    http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/greg-burke-pope-pr
    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/25/world/europe/vatican-hires-fox-news-correspondent-as-media-adviser.html

    I’ll be impressed when they actually implement policy change.

  • dcinsider

    “So far he’s a heck of a lot better than most who have come before him.”

    That is a low bar indeed.

  • cole3244

    to the pope and all religious leaders its all about the money but that is especially true with the catholics, gotta pay those law suits.

  • http://heimaey.us/ heimaey

    What if all martians are homos tho?

  • Elijah Shalis

    I absolutely love this Pope. He is right to believe that God would grant his grace to other sentient beings if they exist.

  • milli2

    Tomorrow on Fox and Friends: “Sure, he wants to baptize martians, then he’ll be allowing them to marry and then what? We’ll have martians marrying toasters, lawnmowers and convincing our kids to marry toasters. It’ll be chaos I tell you, chaos.”

  • BrandySpears

    “Do you know that after the moon mission, the Pope issued through the official Vatican paper an announcement that it was the duty of the US government to put missionaries on flights to the Moon to convert other life forms?” – Madalyn Murray O’Hair

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