Demon-cat nearly departed the world of the living last night

I wrote the other day about my mis-adventures with my nephew’s demon-cat.  Well, demon-cat nearly left the world of the living last night.  And she has only me to thank for her chance to terrorize America another day.

It all started a little over a week ago when I came to Chicago to spend Easter at my parents, and then stayed on since my nephew Illias was getting married this past weekend.  His younger brother Anthony was in the process of moving back in to his mom’s place, while looking for another apartment, and he couldn’t keep his cat at his mom’s (my sister) because she’s allergic.  So, grandma got it.


Well.  We’re on day 10 of KC, aka Khaleesi, aka demon-cat, stalking me through the house, rolling on her back (the way cats do when they’re flirting with you), right before trying to swipe a chunk out of my leg.

Fast forward to yesterday.

Though the day began with demon cat chasing me through the house in order to rub up sweetly against my leg before looking up and hissing maniacally at me, things seemed to get a bit better for the first time since I arrived at mom’s over a week ago.  Demon-cat didn’t hiss at me throughout the rest of the day, and even let me pet her while she slept on the couch. (Though the third time I tried to pet her she, of course, tried to rip my hand off.)

In the meantime, Sasha, who has been routinely trapped by demon-cat in various corners of the house, finally started fighting back.  Twice my little ten-pound girl growled at demon-cat, who was blocking her way, and was able to scare the cat off.


Sasha, in her earlier sand-in-the-face days.

Well, last night demon-cat finally met her maker.

Mom and I had run off to Portillo’s to get an easy and yummy dinner, and we’d just finished eating when I decided I want to save half of my cake-shake for tomorrow. So I open the freezer, mom makes some room in the back, I jam the shake in, and notice demon-cat dart under the freezer drawer. (Mom has one of those pull-out freezers underneath the fridge.)

I ignore demon-cat, figuring she darted out the other side, and go to shut the freezer drawer and it sticks about halfway in. I just had a bad feeling about it, shook it a bit, and looked underneath to make sure demon-cat wasn’t still under the drawer. Phew, she wasn’t.

So I try to shut the drawer again, and again it’s sticking, like it’s hitting the Costco-sized package of frozen sweet potato fries. Mom says, “just jam it hard,” but again, silly me, I just had a bad feeling about it.

Where’s the cat, I asked. What do you mean, mom replies. I start looking around the kitchen, and don’t see the cat anywhere – though that doesn’t mean much, cats can run and hide anywhere.

Then, I bend down again, and look under the drawer, and there, BEHIND the drawer, INSIDE the freezer, is demon-cat.  Yes, the drawer was getting stuck because she was behind it.


I don’t know how people keep these things as pets.

But let me just say, to all those who branded me a cat-hater (in addition to a sexist, misogynist, racist, bisexual-hating, transgender-hating, military-hating, foreskin-hating, white, cisgender, man), I could have sent demon-cat to whatever level of hell bipolar feral felines inhabit.  And I chose to double check.

So there.

PS Anthony is likely going to have to get rid of demon-cat, as mom is not happy about the prospect of demon-cat spending a few months here.  Mom’s shedding-animal days are over.  So if anyone in the Chicago area might be interested in a one-year-old calico cat, who apparently loves everyone except me, feel free to let me know.  Not kidding.  He’s asked his friends and no one can take her.  Thanks.

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  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    My little girl has a very sweet disposition. She has not been outside since we adopted her. We have a large screened in porch, so she’s happy with that. However, she’s a hand wrestling enthusiast, so I sometimes have scratches on my hand. I figure that’s not too much to do for her. She is always with me, which is why I call her a velcro cat. She’s very loving, although a series of head butts is startling when I’m fast asleep. I have never heard her growl or hiss, but she has a large vocabulary of meows, purrs, and trills. When the doorbell rings, she races me to the door. She loves all people and dogs. She just glowers at other cats.

  • mnphouka

    lol, funny. Tayler hisses at me when I bring her inside after her running wild and free,,,,and helping me be late for work! yeah she growls and I laugh as she is mine and I know how she acts. I wonder if it is when people show fear (since if I did not know yt cat she sounds fierce!) but one of my cats..Phouka was terrified and used his weapons. As a Vet Tech I will not leave my cats at a clinic ever. Trust no one

  • mnphouka

    yeah. hello! my cats both scratch and bite me at times….because they are cats…we play! they hiss (so cute, spitting is better….) One of my cats(avatar) is blind so I try to play differently with them…but he is a mean kitty and will go attack her and she attacks him. maybe i need to get a pony… lol I love them both and we are all stressed out cause I need to find a job!!!

  • Freday63

    That is the funniest sh*t I’ve seen all day! Thanks for that!

  • keirmeister

    My cat is an awesome hunter and likes to play fight with me. I have tons of cuts and scratches on my hands. But she’s a sore loser and will get angry if she doesn’t have the upper hand.

    My cat was a rescue, and it took years for her to finally be comfortable sleeping on us.

    But she’ll still attack me if I try to bring her back inside against her will. She’s an animal, after all. But she’s still precious and her purr is intoxicating. :)

  • mnphouka

    Monophylos Forikos…<3 love your comment, I will copy this. it makes me so sad that people can be so hatefilled about cats,dogs or any group. Bless you. I would love to have more as well! When I was married I had 6 cats (and more fosters) and 2 dogs. 2 many. Bless you

  • mnphouka

    I don’t get what is wrong with you people! I have had cats for a long time and none of mine are mean, crazy so it has to be you people. Leave the cats to us and get a dog. bye now

  • mnphouka

    a bit bigger…

  • mnphouka

    so you got scratched? poor baby. a dog I helped rescue attacked me and almost bit my thumb off, I don’t hate dogs…but I don’t like people who try to make cats conform. Find the cat a new home….please.

  • woodroad34

    What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense at all. Doing drugs?

  • mnphouka

    well jan, don’t have cats. pretty fing simple

  • mnphouka

    I have been a CVT for 19 years. Owned cats for all my life. I have not ever had a demon cat. I have had scared cat, terrified cats. worked with feral cats who were so scared they would rather jump/jump/smash onto cages because they were terrified. I have worked with dogs who do the same, after trying to chew my face off…animals get scared. All my cats have been amazing. my dogs have caused problems.

  • mnphouka

    whatever. so why not be plain and simple and honest? WTF are you speaking about? are you a lib or not? angry much? and leave the cats out of politics. you are seriously not making a good argument for either party. meow…hiss.spitttttttttttt

  • woodroad34

    About the cat? Obviously no…c’mon. About John Boner…yes; The Orange Baby plays everyone.

  • cole3244

    like i said your compassion and understanding stops at your own particular self interests, to be a true person of conscience you have to have tolerance and understanding for not only yourself and those like you but all individuals large and small.
    your dislike for this innocent animal(s) just shows what type of person you really are under less than pristine circumstances, you can glorify yourself while castigating the violent homophobes among us but you might try looking in the mirror you might be more like them concerning your personal prejudice.
    congratulations and do pat yourself on the back since you haven’t done harm to the (demon) cat (yet), enlightened and gandhi you’re not but you are not alone so take solace in that.

  • 2patricius2

    They are running episodes on Saturdays.

  • LOL it’s alive!

  • Add it to the list. Oh that’s right, cat-hater is already there :)

  • The post was obviously light-hearted. Not to mention, I didn’t kill the damn thing after a week of it terrorizing me, and drawing blood. I even went out and got it cat treats, that it of course hated. So, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to accept the “you hate cats” bs after I spent a week wooing the beast. I take a lot of shit from people, and sometimes even put up with it, but not on this one. The post is obviously light-hearted. Respect that, take a breath. Not everything is a human rights violation.

  • Cats are AWFULLY easy to care for as compared to dogs. But damn, the bad ones are just awful.

  • LOL no, I’ll look.

  • Well, after hissing at me again last night and this morning, she actually scuttled up to me today, then let me pet her. We shared a moment. Which wasn’t repeated.

  • FatRat

    Dinero: Why cats are better than dogs

    Dogs > Cats
    A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. Josh Billings

  • mnphouka


  • mnphouka

    my calico/tabby is the sweetest nicest kitty I have owned.

  • donna fern

    well be assured that there are no mice behind the freezer door. poor insecure kitty has been shuffled from pillar to fence post and has no adoring human to cater to her every need. i hope she finds a human soon for everyone’s sake. i am glad you were smart enough to think about the cat before slamming the freezer, we lost a gerbil to a dresser drawer in a rather gruesome way with a broken back. it was completely horrific. so, on behalf of demon cat and all cat lovers (yes, i have a nice little carin maltese dog too so no judging) i thank you for saving her. :)

  • cole3244

    i wish!

  • ericxdc

    rest assured demon cat couldn’t care less that you saved her life.

    Cat’s so utterly confuse and scare me. Impossible to read their mind. Dogs, on the other hand…

  • 2patricius2

    Sounds like the wisest thing to do.

  • 2patricius2

    John, have you ever seen My Cat from Hell on the Animal Planet. You might enjoy it. Talk about demon cats….

  • Fireblazes

    Check your shoes carefully.

  • 2patricius2

    I never thought I would have three cats. I had two cats for years, so one would keep the other company and not get lonely if I were gone for a while. But a little over a year ago, one of my two cats ran away. She was gone about six weeks, and I thought I would never find her again. So I adopted a new kitten, and the day after I brought her home, I got a call from the Humane Society that someone had found my runaway cat. So now I have three. Happily, they get along together pretty well, for the most part.

  • Fireblazes

    Yoda, not you, is it?

  • Fireblazes

    I once had shlitzophrenia. Cheap beer made me do crazy things.

  • Fireblazes

    The demon cats I have owned have all been Calicoes. I had one that I swear could fly 6 inches off the ground for 50 feet and claw deep cuts into your legs.

  • cole3244

    look in the mirror fool and see if you like what you see, boyo.

  • cole3244

    you dislike homophobes i dislike catophobes, enlightened you are not.

  • Tysalpha

    Ironic, in a post about how horrible cats are. ;)

  • FuzzyRabbit

    “it’s his house, and the rest of you just live here.”

    That’s really true. The dog or cat in any home is the real boss of the house. Unless there is a new baby human, then the new human is the boss (for awhile, until he is old enough to be trained by the cat).

  • Some dogs have masters… others have pack-mates, and still others have buddies.

    The dog I still miss and sometimes dream about, my Newfie who passed on about ten years ago, was this last type of dog. She was my best buddy.

  • Zorba

    “Dogs have masters. We (cats) have servants.”

  • Zorba

    I’m not so sure that he is. ;-)

  • Zorba

    Not all cats are “demons.” Far from it.
    Our last cat was the world’s nicest cat. He never tried to scratch anyone, never bit, never even hissed. He was almost exclusively an indoor cat. We never let him out unsupervised, but he liked to occasionally come out with us and accompany us on walks around our property. He would stick by us like a dog. Sometimes in back of us, sometimes in front, while frequently glancing back at us, as if to make sure that we were still following him. When he got tired of walking, he would simply lie down in the path in front of us, and we would pick him up and carry him back to the house.
    The last two years of his life, he developed a type of inoperable cancer, but there were chemo and other drugs that kept him going, quite comfortably, for those two years. He had to go to the vets frequently, to get poked and prodded and have blood drawn. He never gave the vet or the techs a bit of trouble. And he never gave me a bit of trouble when I had to give him his pills. I would sit down next to him on the couch, lift his head and open his mouth, and shoot the pill into the back of his throat with a “pill shooter.” No problem. He didn’t much like it, but he accepted it quietly.
    When he finally stopped eating, we knew that it was time to have him put to sleep. He sat in my lap, purring (even though obviously not feeling at all well) while the vet administered the shot.
    Afterwards, several vet techs came up to me, with tears in their eyes, and said that he was the nicest cat that they had ever seen.
    I wish I could have cloned him. I still miss him.

  • woodroad34

    Sounds like the cat is Republican. Sending mixed messages–hissing at you when it wants to make friends (or something); getting into trouble only to have a Democrat get it out of serious harm; making people sick with it’s weird hair; being places it has no right to be…..

    Send Demon Cat to John Boner–he fits all of the above, especially after having scolded conservatives about immigration and then telling them it was all a joke….’cause you tease the ones you love:

  • Elijah Shalis

    yes thanks for making fun of schitzophrenia

  • Monophylos Fortikos

    You’re not so pleasant an example of humanity yourself from the looks of it, boyo.

  • Teedy

    P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; }

    As a general rule I do not post
    comments, here there or anywhere, but in this instance I had to make
    an exception. My sister and I were sharing a house when my niece
    brought that thing home. Kitten. She found it in a dumpster.


    My sister named it, “Meow-say-dung!”


  • I think that’s true of people with dogs as well. Legally we are the owners of these creatures but are you really the owner when you go out and work to pay for food, toys and vet bills and also have to walk around with a baggie to pick up another one’s poop? Who owns whom? As I used to say about my parents’ dog, “it’s his house, and the rest of you just live here.”

  • I’ve enjoyed the stories of demon cat. It mirrors my cat experience. Generally I get along with all animals but cats baffle me with their schizophrenia. One minute their purring contentedly as you gently stroke their fur and the next they are clawing you deep enough to leave scars. This is a pet. And the cat owners always chuckle and act like this has never happened before even though you already know full well what that scar on their nose is from (the very same cat who “never” does that.)

    In this case, however, I see a specific problem. The cat has been moved to a new, unfamiliar place. And in comes an interloper who smells like dog. (I’m sure you have excellent hygeine but I’m equally sure demon cat can smell Sasha on you at all time.

    And yes, you get points for not killing the cat. I get more points for not murdering a roommate’s cat that peed on my mattress (and not just urine but that pungent “marking my territory” spray). I don’t get the appeal of these creatures. I realize dog’s are a lot higher maintenance but I’d rather have no animal at all than a cat.

  • That was from dogs ages ago

  • I do hope you’re joking.

  • January2009

    You are a far, far better man than I, Gunga John. That drawer would have closed even if I had to rearrange items to make it so. Had the paw been on the other foot, Demon Cat would have done the same.

    I’ve never met a person who hasn’t said “But my cat’s different” to my stated belief that cats are evil. Yet, somehow, I’ve yet to meet a cat who is anything but.

  • cole3244

    so we should commend you for not killing the cat you hate, as i have said before your empathy and compassion stops at the waters edge of your own personal trappings which is not being a person of conscience at all but looking out for your own self interests.

    ps – compared to humans any animal is a day at the beach.

  • I will just say that you haven’t been owned until you have been owned by a cat.

    For my experiences, see

    It galled me to be outhought by a critter with a brain the size of a wallnut

  • Luigi DaMan

    I have been lucky in that the few cats I’ve had indoors have been sweeties (except for the first one). Sorry, folks, I wouldn’t keep a cat that trying to take a chunck out of me, no matter what. Life’s too short. Besides, there are plenty of loving animals around.

  • dcinsider

    Love this.

  • keirmeister

    “I don’t know how people keep these things as pets.”

    What, you have an issue with having a selfish, bipolar, randomly violent, often cuddly, LOUD, scratching up the walls and furniture, varmint killing (and house in-bringing), bundle of preciousness?

    And despite these things, I LOVE my little bitch-kitty. :) It just requires some understanding: I work for her. Simple.

  • perljammer

    Several posters have referred to “owning cats” or “cat ownership”. Just a gentle reminder — cats don’t have owners; they have staff. I myself am administrative assistant to two felines. Over all, they have treated me well, if not always respectfully.

  • milli2

    I rent and I’m only allowed to have two cats. I don’t even want to think about how many I would own if I were allowed.

  • emjayay

    Have you completed the repairs on the red door yet? Surely before you leave….

  • Monophylos Fortikos

    …for the cat I have entertained a particular respect and affection ever since the earliest days of my infancy. In its flawless grace and superior self-sufficiency I have seen a symbol of the perfect beauty and bland impersonality of the universe itself, objectively considered; and in its air of silent mystery there resides for me all the wonder and fascination of the unknown. The dog appeals to cheap and facile emotions; the cat to the deepest founts of imagination and cosmic perception in the human mind. It is no accident that the contemplative Egyptians, together with such later poetic spirits as Poe, Gautier, Baudelaire, and Swinburne, were all sincere worshippers of the supple grimalkin.

    (H. P. Lovecraft, “Cats and Dogs”)

    My partner and I keep two cats and, despite everything, I find myself wishing we had a third. Without restraint I would become crazy cat person.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    “I don’t know how people keep these things as pets.”

    We’re ever bit as crazy as our pets.

  • milli2

    “I don’t know how people keep these things as pets.” That made me laugh John.

    Oh, and rule #345 of cat ownership – if you move any piece of furniture out (in your case a freezer drawer), cats will always run to investigate the newly emptied space. Its a law or something. I can’t clean behind the couch without the cat running behind it right when I’m about to push it back. It’s not just demon-cat. They all have a fatal flaw built in.

  • Krusher

    Clearly this is my brother’s cat Bella (named for Bella Abzug) reincarnated. She used to treat me (and everybody besides my brother) just the way demon cat treats you. And she lived to be 22, so that was a long lifetime of terrorizing da humans.

  • Drew2u

    “Have you heard the good word?”

  • rerutled

    I took care of a cat like this once, for a weekend. The owners insisted that this was a form of play — aggressive play, but play nonetheless — and that the way to manage it was, as soon as you first interact with the cat (on coming home, on waking up), you have to pick it up, wrestle a bit. You take some scratches, but then basically the cat calms down and is decent for a while. In my case, we simply stayed in our separate corners for the weekend.

  • Indigo

    And the cat expressed her deep gratitude by . . . ?

  • Quilla

    I think you should take her home as she’d make a nice companion for Sasha.

    I have your best interests at heart, John. Truly I do…

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