Is Hobby Lobby circumcised?

Hobby Lobby, an arts and crafts chain run by an uber-Christian family, says it should be exempt from the Affordable Care Act’s (Obamacare’s) contraceptive mandate because the store’s owners, and thus the store itself, is “Christian.”

As a person of faith, Hobby Lobby says it shouldn’t be compelled by the government to act against its Christian beliefs.

But I was having a hard time understanding how a store could be a person, let alone a person of faith.  And the more I thought about it, the more confusing it became.

So, if Hobby Lobby is really a person of faith, I have some questions for it:

Hobby Lobby photo via DangApricot. Pope clothes via Shutterstock (Maxisport /

Hobby Lobby photo via DangApricot. Pope clothes via Shutterstock (Maxisport /

  1. Is Hobby Lobby circumcised?
  2. Is Hobby Lobby baptized?
  3. When was the last time Hobby Lobby went to confession?
  4. If Hobby Lobby went to confession, what kind of sins would it confess?  (Dear Lord, I coveted my neighbor’s bridal shop?)
  5. Does Hobby Lobby only date other Christian stores?
  6. Are there Mormon stores too? And do they spend a lot of time telling coffee chains how to live?
  7. Has Hobby Lobby ever been married? (I’ll bet Walmart’s looking for an uptight Christian brand who knows its place.)
  8. How old should a store be before it can merge?
  9. How does Hobby Lobby feel about inter-racial mergers — you know, when, say, an arts and crafts store wants to merge with a sports store? Is that an abomination?
  10. Is American Girl a jezebel?
  11. Is Abercrombie kinda gay? And if so, do we now need a Defense of Corporate Marriage Act?
  12. Has Hobby Lobby ever been divorced?
  13. Is there a corporate hell that bad stores go to?
  14. Are Jewish stores going to hell?
  15. Are all Muslim stores terrorists?
  16. Is bankruptcy abortion?
  17. Did Entenmann’s kill Jesus?

(I’m told that in order to better see my Facebook posts in your feed, you need to “follow” me.)

Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Instagram | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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