Hobby Lobby, an arts and crafts chain run by an uber-Christian family, says it should be exempt from the Affordable Care Act’s (Obamacare’s) contraceptive mandate because the store’s owners, and thus the store itself, is “Christian.”
As a person of faith, Hobby Lobby says it shouldn’t be compelled by the government to act against its Christian beliefs.
But I was having a hard time understanding how a store could be a person, let alone a person of faith. And the more I thought about it, the more confusing it became.
So, if Hobby Lobby is really a person of faith, I have some questions for it:
- Is Hobby Lobby circumcised?
- Is Hobby Lobby baptized?
- When was the last time Hobby Lobby went to confession?
- If Hobby Lobby went to confession, what kind of sins would it confess? (Dear Lord, I coveted my neighbor’s bridal shop?)
- Does Hobby Lobby only date other Christian stores?
- Are there Mormon stores too? And do they spend a lot of time telling coffee chains how to live?
- Has Hobby Lobby ever been married? (I’ll bet Walmart’s looking for an uptight Christian brand who knows its place.)
- How old should a store be before it can merge?
- How does Hobby Lobby feel about inter-racial mergers — you know, when, say, an arts and crafts store wants to merge with a sports store? Is that an abomination?
- Is American Girl a jezebel?
- Is Abercrombie kinda gay? And if so, do we now need a Defense of Corporate Marriage Act?
- Has Hobby Lobby ever been divorced?
- Is there a corporate hell that bad stores go to?
- Are Jewish stores going to hell?
- Are all Muslim stores terrorists?
- Is bankruptcy abortion?
- Did Entenmann’s kill Jesus?