Putin spokesman compares being gay to having sex with a table

In one of the best Daily Show segments ever, Jason Jones does an amazing report on gays in Russia.

Specifically, Jones talks to one of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s allies, and spokesmen, Sergei Markov, who compares gays to having sex with a table (which apparently, Markov says, you have the freedom to do in Russia).

Then Markov tells Jones to go ahead, have sex with the table right now.  Jones demurs.

sex-with-table

I’ve never felt very strongly about Jason Jones either way.  Samantha Bee has always been my favorite, along with Aasif Mandvi. But my god, Jones was simply amazing in this segment.  Funny, ironic, and when necessary, downright vicious. All I can say is: Thank you.

Here’s a bit of Jones’ interview with Markov.

Jason Jones: Let’s talk about gay rights, or as you call them in Russia, whatever the oppose of that is.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: I am tired of this issue.

Jason Jones: You’re tired of talking about gays?

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: A little bit boring from my point of view.

Jason Jones: Basic human rights for gays, pfft, who cares.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: There is real personal freedom in Russia. Nobody care with whom you want to have the sex. For example, you absolutely free to make sex with this table. Go ahead.

Jason Jones: Okay.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: From my point of view, even right now we can do it.

Jason Jones: I’m not gonna f*ck the table.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: But, you can many times repeat me that it’s normal, that it’s absolutely freedom, that it’s democracy, that it’s “human right” for you to making sex with this table.

Jason Jones: That’s a false analogy.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: Having sex between man and woman, normal. Having sex between man and man not normal. Everybody knows this, including gays.

Jason Jones voice-over: After listening to this nutjob, I only had one thought: Boy, do I owe Rick Santorum an apology. Because even though he’s said pretty much every homophobic thing imaginable, he’s never had the gall to say gay people agree with him.

The conversation continues:

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: No gay propaganda to childrens.

Jason Jones: Why, why?

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: Because the world too dangerous.

Jason Jones: Dangerous? It’s dangerous for gays to walk by holding hands in front of kids?  Who cares?

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: Parents of children, they care.

Jason Jones: I’m a parent, I don’t care.

Putin spokesman Sergei Markov: Sometime you will care, and you will say to me, Sergei you was right.

Jason Jones: I don’t have a lot of certainties in life, but the one absolute certainty I have is that I will never say Sergei you were right.

Jones then goes on to the street to talk to real Russians, because certainly they can’t be as bas as their government:

Jason Jones: Why don’t we have a gay pride parade, followed by a homophobic parade, followed by a f’g idiot parade. Then the kids can see all viewpoints.

Russian on the street: I can only imagine taking my kid to school and seeing two dads bringing a kid, and me trying to explain to my kid what’s going on here.

Jason Jones: Right, I mean it’s tough to explain that that kid has two daddies.

Russian on the street: How to find the words?

Jason Jones: Well, other than the words I just used.

Russian on the street: You, you did?

Jason Jones: Yeah.

Russian on the street: I cannot find the words.

Jason Jones: Repeat what I said.

Russian on the street: What?

Jason Jones: That kid has two daddies.

Russian on the street: No way.

Jones does find one courageous woman, willing to defend gays – she was pretty need, and he ended the show with her.

You wonder if Putin even realizes how badly he messed up by having the Olympics in Sochi. The world knew little of Russia after the Soviet days. Then came the Olympics, and for the past year the world has been watching and listening. And the results have been devastating. Russia is coming across as a third world backwater.  And that can’t be helping Putin’s dream of the Olympics introducing a modern 21st century Russia to the world.

Oh, the world got introduced to Russia all right.  Then quickly excused itself, and ran off to take a shower.


(I’m told that in order to better see my Facebook posts in your feed, you need to “follow” me.)


Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown (1989); and worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, and as a stringer for the Economist. Frequent TV pundit: O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline & Reliable Sources. Bio, .

Share This Post

  • 2karmanot

    Whatever………………

  • 2karmanot

    Change your diaper and we’ll touch you with a ten foot pole. Next…………..

  • heavy rules

    “the world got introduced to Russia all right. Then quickly excused itself, and ran off to take a shower.”, Yet they are all in russia participating in the Olympics. Aravosis or whatever is your name, go take a shower to wash all the bitterness and stupidity, then go back and soak your self in a bit of logic and intelligence.

  • heavy rules

    How did the stupid writer of this article conclude that the olympic games where devastating for Russia?? The games are very successful until now and Russia does not care what othe people think about their position on gays. It is not like they are pitting gays in prison or sentencing them to death, they just said they don’t want gay propaganda for children. This whole issue makes the US look like a dictator trying to impose his will on other people: Hypocrisy.

  • heavy rules

    What is the big deal? If Russians say that gays have all he rights in russia but they don’t want gay propaganda to children, it is fair and it is their business not the US business. Jon stewart and his show are stupid, he and the reporter should have sex with a table and just mind their own business. They should respect other people beliefs and opinions.

  • FUFatherEisenman

    Maybe he’s just not doing it right.

  • 4th Turning

    Turns out it was that fantastic Dallas sports announcer.
    There is so much to try to keep up with and discuss in order to stay informed
    and alert. A very curious coincidence that we began the week with Mike Sam
    and end it with news of Jonathan Martin. Whether Russia or Miami everything
    is related. Happen to be reading Darwin’s Sacred Cause and was reminded
    that they were dissenters, evangelicals, fundamentalists in England who
    succeeded in ending the slave trade and slavery itself in the colonies-not
    the church of england.

  • 4th Turning

    If I heard right, Mike is on Ellen at 5 (here)?
    Will get back to you later…

  • Tom in Lazybrook

    It looks like Russia has just realized that the world is repulsed by them and the Olympics are making things worse. But instead of trying to change things, they just punished their own orphans and lots of straight westerners by attacking STRAIGHT adoptions to those countries. Yea, that’l make it better. The Russian state is a laughingstock. Boris and Natasha from Bullwinkle are less of a charcature than the clown running Russia

  • Badgerite

    Ok. I watched it. You’re right. Very much so, in fact. And it is clear to me, at least, that the laws proposed in these states are just exactly what Cenk says they are. A way to enforce a Jim Crow status on gays under the guise of religious freedom. And, of course, were the principle to be accepted as constitutionally permissible, where would it end? What level of religious intolerance are we supposed to allow people to be subjected to? Once Jim Crow status is accepted for anyone, it is accepted for everyone. So, obviously, it cannot be accepted as constitutionally permissible. This shows precisely why the Commerce Clause was the proper vehicle to use to restrict a system of private bigotry in society from denying the right to enjoyment of life that everyone has.
    On the plus side, Dubois and Olsen just won their case in Virginia. The court ruled the state ban violated equal protection and the full faith and credit clause.

  • 4th Turning

    Glad you watched the vid. Your point taken if fairly obvious.
    Hope you are focusing more on the undercurrent/backwash
    this pathetic effort represents ( to what end I am entirely
    uncertain but seems to require our “eternal vigilance”).
    Sec. Kathleen Sebelius is also from Kansas…

  • Badgerite

    It is not supported by the federal government and you are free to disagree with them openly and in public and not end up without a job or in prison. Is that enough?

  • Badgerite

    Maybe he was trying to have sex with a table and just didn’t know how, because, who does?

  • The_Fixer

    I’m in! Together we shall defend the honor of wood and wood-like tables while seeking to restrict the proliferation of the dreaded steel tables into our lives!

    After all, they’re unnatural and have a lifestyle that is antithetical to all wood lovers everywhere…

  • Zorba

    Here’s what we do. I accept (reluctantly) formica tables, you accept wood tables, and we both form an alliance to go after those damned steel tables. We can work together to get laws passed banning them!

  • The_Fixer

    Ahh, but you don’t understand…

    Since that fateful day when my table, I call him “Formi”, became the center of my universe, I have begun to accept any and all kinds of tables for who they are. All it took was for me to run my trembling finger over his slick, picturesque top and I began to understand that Formi might have been different – but he was still a table. A table deserving of love and dignity. I am not a furniture bigot!

    Yeah, he may have had a little work done, and some may call him fake, but he’s mine and I accept him for who he is.

    I know, a lot of guys prefer real wood. And that’s fine. But real equality knows no limits, be it wood or Formica.

    Except for steel tables. I hate those bastards!

  • FLL

             Khrushchev’s Shoe Versus Wooden Podium!

    Here are the full details of the S&M incident that occurred between Nikita Khrushchev and a piece of furniture. It wasn’t a table. It was a podium at the United Nations. The topic at the plenary meeting of the United Nations on October 12, 1960 was hypocrisy on the part of the Soviet Union, and the speaker that apparently infuriated Khrushchev was the head of the Filipino delegation, Lorenzo Sumulong, who questioned the motives of the Soviet Union. Sumulong stated:

    “It is our view that the declaration proposed by the Soviet Union should cover the inalienable right to independence not only of the peoples and territories which yet remain under the rule of colonial powers, but also of the people of Eastern Europe and elsewhere, which have been deprived of the free exercise of their civil and political rights, which have been swallowed up, so to speak, by the Soviet Union.”

    Khrushchev then flipped out and started pounding his shoe on his podium. Although the shoe-pounding incident was never captured on video, the sequence of events is summarized at the 0:30 mark in this video:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yho1Eydh1mM

  • 2karmanot

    Opps Disqus again

  • 2karmanot

    “unsubscribe”

  • 4th Turning

    John! Help! Just saw a cnn trailer running this. Can you detect even a mm’s difference between
    sergay’s deeply held “religious beliefs(?)” and what’s ongoing back here on the homefront?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn8nEMwDhmY&feature=c4-overview&list=UU1yBKRuGpC1tSM73A0ZjYjQ

  • pappyvet

    Oh groan,,,or is it groin? I get them confused ;]

  • 2karmanot

    Yep, but can attract a lot of heels.

  • 2karmanot

    Bifurcated door swing both ways.

  • pappyvet

    Yes but it was sooo worth it. A beautiful table.

  • quax

    Next up: Russia bans tables for being gay.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    It’s not real. It’s just padding.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Just avoid loving a venetian blind. They’ll just tear you apart.

  • 2karmanot

    Was that an end table?

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Heck, you’re talking an entire boat. All I had was a 6’x3′ slab, plus a custom trestle base… Refinishing a boat is a TON of work. (Plus Chris Crafts are awesome to start with.)

    I’ll admit it took me two tries to get the finish right, not having much experience with this kind of treatment. I’d gotten the slab oiled up fine, then started with the blended poly coats and suddenly the whole thing went kablooey. I got impatient and didn’t wait long enough after the 3rd coat. Had to sand it all off and start over.

    After that, I made sure to wait at least 3-4 days between coats and put on nearly a dozen before I was done. Tedious work, but worth it in the end.

  • Sameboat1

    nothole!

  • Stev84

    Burn in hell, pervert.

  • Stev84

    Shoe fetishes are pretty common

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    I alas have a cheap World Market table that I do love, it’s quite pretty and dark wood, but not exactly Great Sequoia. I do love my Emeco chairs however, that I got for like $27 each because the DC schools didn’t want them anymore. That was a steal (and I had no idea what they were! – a friend told me, buy them, trust him – so I did).

  • pappyvet

    I refinished my 52′ chris craft one summer , I know what kind of elbow grease it took to complete your project to such perfection.
    On a somewhat related note; deciding which side should be up has been a continual problem for me,so don’t feel to bad Sis. ;]

  • pappyvet

    Like I said , you did a really wonderful job. an absolutely beautiful hunk of wood. And I love my hunks. ;]

  • pappyvet

    LOL !

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    I’m a huge fan of tung + boiled linseed now. I can even make lumber-yard fir look good with it.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Thanks Pete. I’m still quite proud of the result. I had NO idea I was going to get that flame pattern in several locations across the surface. The oil-flooding seems to have been key in bringing out the depth.

    The underside has some unique features, too, and made it difficult to decide which side I wanted to be up.

  • PeteWa

    I keep coming back to this page to, as Gary put it, oggle your desk.
    There are a lot of woodworkers in my family, that’s a work of art.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    The top coat was an oil & polyurethane mix — I’m very well protected indeed.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Yes, I did. From a slab of old-growth redwood we salvaged on our former Santa Cruz mountains property, a tree that had been downed by lightning probably sometime in the 1980s. (A lot of it was rotten, but some was still good — quality redwood is like that.)

    Well, in truth, my wife did help with some of the project. She built a custom sliding router jig so that we could level it properly, since the hand-planing alone wasn’t working out.

  • PeteWa

    does anyone ever truly get over their first love?
    deepest sympathies, pappyvet.

  • pappyvet

    Memories may be beautiful and yet…. STOP it Pete , I’m getting way too excited. Rocking chair , it was my first. Threw me over for a chiffarobe. the Bitch

  • pappyvet

    It’s a lemon pledge thing. Just blows my doors off.

  • pappyvet

    I’m curio curious

  • pappyvet

    A table ? What , knotty pine ? The splinter factor would be enormous. Perhaps Mr. Markov does not understand the real meaning of getting a woody.

  • PeteWa

    I know… but… just look at it!

  • http://www.americablog.com/ Naja pallida

    You lazy boy you.

  • 4th Turning

    You funny mon, too! Keep this stuff coming-at least till spring.

  • PeteWa

    those oversized cushion couches are quite tempting!

  • Zorba

    Formica??? Really???
    Sorry, but the only acceptable furniture is real wood furniture, Fixer. ;-)

  • Zorba

    Ow, ow, ow! Splinters! ;-)

  • Jim Olson

    We were talking about tables and chairs, and now you want to talk about getting your rocks off with stones?

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    LOL I thought you were a spammer, then I got the joke!

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    OMG, you DID That?

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    I was a bit older. It was that big $5000 oversized cushion couch from Restoration Hardware that I can’t afford and that makes your legs stick out like Ruth Ann or whatever Lily Tomlin’s character is.

  • 4th Turning

    IKEA stock just shot up 69%.

  • Zorba

    OMG! It’s lovely!
    Many years ago, Mr. Zorba and I acquired an unfinished redwood coffee table, which we spent some time finishing.
    So……the two of us, the redwood coffee table, the planing and sanding and tung oil, etc.
    It was a really passionate threesome……..
    I’m getting hot all over again, just thinking of it. ;-)

  • 4th Turning

    Hold on, hold on! Didn’t Prop 8 pass in California? or was it Wisconsin? News from them
    foreign countries takes awhile to reach us down here.

  • http://musephotos.wordpress.com/ GarySFBCN

    It’s rude to oggle.

  • http://heimaey.us/ heimaey

    Come on John you can’t like chairs and tables. ;)

  • PeteWa

    I did find it a little *ahem* gay of Sergei Markov to beg Jason to have sex with the table they were both sitting at. oh well, to each their own.

  • PeteWa

    don’t worry about it – everyone who’s being honest with themselves remembers the day they made the choice to be attracted to furniture or not.
    I was five, and what a couch it was!

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    Just tested it, you’re right, the f’ers

  • PeteWa

    I can see why you fell in love, your desk is quite lovely.

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    Ruh roh, just made a curious joke – and the stoning will commence in 5, 4, 3…

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    I’m chair-curious.

  • PeteWa

    omg I love the grandma who quotes Angel.

  • http://www.americablog.com/ Naja pallida

    Okay, it’s about time I come out and be honest with all of you. I prefer chairs.

  • LanceThruster

    Yeah, but what if the table was asking for it…all gussied up in a fresh coat of Pledge?

  • http://heimaey.us/ heimaey

    Jason looks super hot with a beard.

  • FLL

    And to think that Nikita Khrushchev, angered by the American UN ambassador, famously took off his shoe at the United Nations and started pounding the table with it. According to Sergei Markov, what sexual complications would that represent?

  • Anonymous

    I used to think so until I started asking Europeans’ honest opinions of Americans. We’re just used to the idiocy here. 3rd party perspective is sobering.

  • jomicur

    We all know what sluts lesbians are. I heard about one lesbian who actually fell for a folding card table! And she even gave it a new coat of wet paint–how tacky!

  • http://musephotos.wordpress.com/ GarySFBCN

    I bet you are pining for those halcyon days when you could go against the grain without protection.

  • jomicur

    Absolutely! A good friend of mine got infected with termites after a night of wild sex with a gate-leg table. Lesson learned.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    In 2012, I spent a torrid summer of passion with what would become my redwood slab desk. From initial shaping, to planing, to endless hours of sanding and slathering with oh-so-sexy Tung & boiled linseed oils, ours was a love that knew no bounds.

    Here’s some table porn for y’all–

  • The_Fixer

    I figured that it was something embedded in the code that you couldn’t control. Just wondering if it was just me, or if anyone else had the issue.

    Nice that they decide when the videos will play. We put them on pause for a reason, apparently, they can’t figure that out.

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    Comedy Central is horrible. Their videos start playing afetr a while if you pause them too

  • The_Fixer

    I hope that you’re all practicing safe table sex. I am lucky that the love of my life is a formica-covered dining table. No splinters to spoil our more passionate moments.

  • http://musephotos.wordpress.com/ GarySFBCN

    Good for you for branching-out.

    I once loved an end table. It broke my heart when I was dumped for a younger drafting table.

    I still have the scars.

  • The_Fixer

    Oh, My.

    It’s amazing how many Russians rely on long-debunked theories and what are right-wing extremist talking points in this country. It’s true ignorance that shows Russia to be little more than a backwater with nukes.

    On another note, has anybody else found their browser to be redirected after playing a Comedy Central embedded video? Right after I played the second video, my browser whipped over to Comedy Central’s Daily Show video page. It happened with a Colbert Report video, too.

  • milli2

    I dunno. Its a close race.

  • milli2

    And those damn chairs. Always getting in the way.

  • jomicur

    I started with my end tables, moved up to the coffee table, then finally fell in love with the dining room table. Everyone knows that end tables are gateway tables and lead to much more destructive tablephilia. Loving comfy chairs is normal; loving tables is not. Someday you will agree with me.

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    Agreed. I’d be doing everything I could to get the hell out of there. Same for Uganda, Nigeria and pretty much any of the Muslim countries. It was bad enough growing up gay and closeted in East Texas. This is a hell of a lot worse.

  • http://musephotos.wordpress.com/ GarySFBCN

    Funny thing is that I won’t feel completely free until I can marry my dining-room table. As it is now, ours is the love that dare knot speak its name, and it is splintering my family.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Sergei Markov’s attitude reminds me a little of my father — full of bigotry like a bucket of rancid barn-slop, as well as making the confident assertion that I would one day agree with all of his ignorant prejudices.

    My father was wrong, too.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Or the ovaries. ;-)

  • LanceThruster

    In West, you pound table for satisfaction. In Soviet Russia, table pounds you!

    No wonder so much specialty porn comes out of Russia. They *really* know how to get their freak on!

  • Stev84

    It seems Russians tend to be even more uneducated and ignorant than Americans from the South

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    Imagine the balls.

  • 2patricius2

    I really admire the gay youths who are willing to stay and fight. And the woman at the end who is working to change things.

© 2014 AMERICAblog News. All rights reserved. · Entries RSS