In one of the more vulgar bastardizations of the word of Christ in recent times, one of the lead religious right groups, the Family Research Council, suggested that the Second Coming of the Lord will involve a testosterone-filled Jesus sporting an assault rifle.
And because Jesus’ blood lust apparently knows no bounds, he’s not just coming back with any assault rifle – the son of God’s apparent weapon of choice is the AR-15, the assault weapon used to kill nearly two dozen teachers and small children at Sandy Hook Elementary.
After this many years of reading and watching the filth and the lies that come out of the religious right hate groups – and make no mistake, the Family Research Council was officially designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center a few years ago – they still manage to surprise me with just how un-Christian and vile they really are.
Jesus packing an assault rifle. Really.
And even better, Jesus is apparently rabidly heterosexual, his veins pumped full of testosterone. Here’s the FRC’s Executive Vice President Jerry Boykin at a “men’s prayer breakfast,” few months back (I suspect RightWingWatch just got the audio to some of this, that’s why we’re hearing about this now).
As Boykin explained, Jesus was a carpenter and stone mason for most of his life, which required him to be constantly lifting heavy pieces of wood and stone. All this lifting, in turn, meant that Jesus had calluses on his hands and “big, bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms, thin waist, [and] strong shoulders.”
“He was a man,” Boykin said. “He was a man’s man, but we feminized him in the church … He was a tough guy and that’s the Jesus that I want to be like. That’s the side that I want to be like. But we’ve feminized Jesus in the church, and the men can’t identify with him anymore; not the kind of men that I want to hang out with, they can’t identify with this effeminate Jesus that we’ve tried to portray. He was a tough guy. He was a man’s man.”
Get a room, already.
Oh, and you might not be surprised to find out that Porno Jesus was actually the architect of the Second Amendment. More from Boykin at a separate event:
The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 is says when he comes back, he’s coming back as what? A warrior. A might warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe … I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies ’cause he’s coming back as a warrior carrying a sword.
And I believe now – I’ve checked this out – I believe that sword he’ll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15.
He’s “checked this out.” Oh ok.
And not to put too fine a point on it, but Jesus is about as likely to arm himself with an assault rifle as would Dumbledore. When you’re almighty, you don’t need the weapons of man in order to make your point. Ergo, Noah’s flood. God could have bought a Glock, but instead he went with water. Same thing happened when it came time to deal with the Pharaoh in Egypt – you didn’t see Moses walking around with an Uzi (though it would have made for some beautiful anachronistic poetic justice). No, Moses and God did just fine with locusts and hail.
Oh, but there’s more:
Now I want you to think about this: where did the Second Amendment come from? … From the Founding Fathers, it’s in the Constitution. Well, yeah, I know that. But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples ‘now, if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.’
I know, everybody says that was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR! He was saying in building my kingdom, you’re going to have to fight at times. You won’t build my kingdom with a sword, but you’re going to have to defend yourself. And that was the beginning of the Second Amendment, that’s where the whole thing came from. I can’t prove that historically, and David [Barton] will counsel me when this is over, but I know that’s where it came from.
And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don’t have one, go get one. You’re supposed to have one. It’s biblical.
No, not biblical. Just nuts.