Welcome to the Chris Christie Super Subpoena Bowl!

Welcome to the Super Subpoena Bowl!

And New Jersey Governor Chris Christie starts the biggest game of the season as the overwhelming media favorite.

He’s a no-nonsense bully who belittles women who ask reasonable questions, what’s not to like?

Photo by Dave Weigel.

Facing up to Christie are the massed ranks of state and federal prosecutors, who are also the referees. Yes, this subpoena-bowl will be talked about for years to come.  Oh look, the game is on.

6:00pm The crowd is much thinner than expected today. Seems someone closed two-thirds of the stadium turnstiles. Christie denies all knowledge.

6:20 Christie takes the field. And the New York State Attorney General has thrown a flag! Christie can’t do that, he has to give the field back so the game can start.

6:25 Could be trouble for Christie here, wide receiver Wildstein, who Christie personally recruited for the team, doesn’t want to play for his side any more!

6:30 The game is underway and Christie is off to a good start. He did not know about the bridge being closed! He was told it was a traffic study! He did not have sex with that woman! He is not a crook!

6:35 The game isn’t going as well as Christie had hoped, so he throws Wildstein and Kelly off the team, under the bus, whatever.

6:37 Christie backs up the bus and runs over Wildstein and Kelly again.

6:43 Wildstein announces that he’s prepared to play for the other side. Mid-game transfers, a common occurrence at the subpoena bowl.

6:44 Wildstein says Christie knew about the turnstiles being closed down.

6:45 Christie says he never knew about the turnstiles being closed, and if he did know about it, it was until after they were reopened, unless it was before they were reopened, in which case that was always Christie’s story from the beginning.

6:46 Christie says Wildstein is the worst player in the NFL, and he can’t believe anyone ever drafted Wildstein to play professional football in the first place!

[To be continued]

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