Woman stabs husband with squirrel for not buying beer Christmas Eve

This is a story I somehow missed a few weeks ago, but it’s just too good to pass up.  A South Carolina woman, Helen Ann Williams, was arrested on Christmas Day for stabbing her common-law husband with a ceramic squirrel the night before.

His crime? Heading out to buy beer, finding the store closed, and thus returning home to his wife empty-handed – it was Christmas Eve, after all.

His wife was apparently so incensed about her husband being beer-less, she picked up a ceramic squirrel (who doesn’t have a ceramic squirrel?), hit him over the head with it, then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest.

Helen Ann Williams

Helen Ann Williams

According to NBC, it was no joke.  The police found the man covered in blood with cuts on his shoulder and face, and a huge gash in his chest.

But the best part of the whole thing?  The final line in the NBC story online:

The condition of the squirrel wasn’t reported.

Such domestic squabbles apparently aren’t anything new in South Carolina.  A 34 year old woman stabbed her fiancé on Christmas day after they argued over what color scheme to use at their upcoming wedding.

Then there’s that horrible story from Florida of the man who was shot, and killed, for texting during a movie.  For the record, I’m opposed to the death penalty for texting in movie theaters. And WTF was anyone doing bringing a gun to a movie anyway?

Putting aside the whole murder thing, the number of people who are either on their phones or texting during movies has really gotten out of control. Last time I went to a movie in downtown DC I got to witness non-stop cell phone use, and a fight, which caused the front half of the cinema to jump out of their seats and run to the back to watch.

Do we live in a great country, or what?

(I’m told that in order to better see my Facebook posts in your feed, you need to “follow” me.)

Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Instagram | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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  • Moderator3

    I never questioned your intelligence until now. We have special tools to check for multiple usernames. How are you able to do that?

  • MikeOverHereAgain

    As a moderator, you are pretty harsh. How insulting you are by questioning my intelligence.

  • Moderator3

    Are you able to view what the person wrote while using the two other usernames? Apparently, you believe you can, but I find it doubtful.

  • MikeOverHereAgain

    That’s just ridiculous. Everything this person said wasn’t even offensive. She is merely pointing out a fact that people say the most disgusting things in here against people who have different opinion than their own. If you do indeed have the power to ban this person it only goes to show how biased you are.

    Now will you ban me also for my own personal opinion?

  • MikeOverHereAgain

    America gets the spotlight for random people with a sidearm only because the media reports it when something goes wrong. Where I’m from there’s people walking around with machine guns and shotguns. When you walk into the mall, you only get a slap on the ass and they let you on your way. Oh Americans have it so easy yet they cry about everything. Wahhhhhhhh.

  • MikeOverHereAgain

    A three year old texting her parents who are at the movies. That’s something of pure intelligence there.

  • cole3244

    makes sense but they may want to update that policy considering what this nut did.

  • Anonymous

    Actually, according to the Law Enforcement Officers Safety Act of 2004, a “qualified law enforcement officer” or “qualified retired law enforcement officer” is allowed to carry a concealed firearm WITHOUT a state-issued concealed carry permit.

  • Casey/Anne/anna, you are banned.

  • anna

    You HAVE to love liberals. I do NOT agree with HIS OPINION so he is a _________________(fill in filthy disgusting name here) Always!

  • sane37

    the US is an armed society.

    Are we polite by any means?

  • sane37

    ” People it is not the guns, it is the fucked up wacko crazies with the guns!”

    Are you saying the result would’ve been the same if there wasn’t a gun present?

  • sane37

    “…everyone on the left knows…”

    how droll

  • glasper9

    As usual, a sexist double standard applies. Despite the supposed comedic elements, John Aravosis only dares to play the first story for laughs because it was a woman viciously abusing a man, and everyone on the left knows that while men violently abusing women is unacceptable, women violently abusing men is funny.

  • Thack

    …or it’s the gun with the wacko crazies.

  • mgs2ss

    Then reporters trivialize the whole thing with lines like “The condition of the squirrel wasn’t reported.”
    Imagine the backlash if they had said something like that, and the victim was a woman.

  • mgs2ss

    You feel sorry for the woman? Not the guy who was forced to go out on the most dangerous day of the year for driving, only to be stabbed when he got home?

  • We’ve all heard the fallacy… just haven’t seen any evidence that it actually applies to reality.

  • Glaze

    When I see people texting during as movie, they get flung with popcorn until they leave.

  • Kien Tran

    The fear of getting shot is supposed to encourage more courteous behavior. Ever heard the phrase “An armed society is a polite society”?

  • sj

    Smart 3 year old.

  • Tara Crayford

    You don’t have to turn your phone off until the baby crying ad…. he was doing nothing wrong. He was texting his 3 year old daughter, while his wife sat next to him during the damn previews. For this some wacko takes his life, a father from a little girl. A beloved husband from a wife. You should think things through first before speaking.

  • Tara Crayford

    The man was texting his 3 year old daughter who was at home, his wife sitting next to him tried to shield her husband and was shot through her hand. People it is not the guns, it is the fucked up wacko crazies with the guns!

  • Maestro

    “And WTF was anyone doing bringing a gun to a movie anyway?” Ahem, James Holmes ring a bell. God bless ‘murica.

  • Tusto

    I feel sorry for the poor squirrel

  • zenman3606

    I think he’ll own the house once her conviction is imposed. lol

  • He shouldn’t be shot. And he shouldn’t be texting at all once the lights go down. It’s reached epidemic proportions. The man was wrong. And he shouldn’t have been shot for it.

  • mcregan26

    He was texting his 3 year old daughter for pity’s sake. He was a good Father letting his 3 year old know he was away but not gone.

  • E Carpenter

    I feel pity for a woman who’s life is so messed up that she finds herself attacking a man with a squirrel for not bringing her beer.

    I suspect she was having the kind of Christmas you or I would find impossibly nightmarish.

  • cole3244

    yes but just because someone carries a weapon doesn’t mean they’re legal, but an ex police officer should have a permit you would assume.

    i will be interested in seeing if he had any problems as an officer or since he retired.

  • It’s also a requirement for carrying a real squirrel too. Unfortunately, ceramic squirrels are entirely unregulated.

  • Ninong

    Isn’t that a requirement for everyone carrying a concealed weapon?

  • trismagestus

    “I can fully understand why the guy shot him. People have total lost the ability to be courteous to other people.”
    Shooting people is courteous behavior?

  • Darlene P. Monroe


    ♋♋♋♋♋ ♋♋♋

  • barada

    If it was only during the trailer, then it’s OK. No crime.
    Florida Law.

  • barada

    Slammed with a squirrel?
    Beats being pummeled with a porcupine.

  • LanceThruster

    It might be funny if it weren’t so sad that we share the planet with many like her.

    “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.”

    ~ Henry David Thoreau

  • cole3244

    i was raised in small town america and i equate small town with small minds at least that’s my perspective.

  • cole3244

    i’m guessing he had a carriers permit also.

  • K L Holm

    Not condoning shooting but what is the difference whether its the trailer or the movie. Your not supposed to be doing either one in a movie theater. They have signs everywhere in every theater I”ve been in for the last 10 years or so. Go to the lobby if your so inclined to being rude to everyone around you. I can fully understand why the guy shot him. People have total lost the ability to be courteous to other people.

  • Squirrel sues white trash Duckster for emotional distress.

  • Ninong

    The South Carolina man who was the victim of the ceramic squirrel assault, should find himself a new sugar mama. She owns the house. Still, just not worth it living with a crazy woman like that. Let her go out and buy her own beer on Christmas Eve from now on.

  • Ninong

    The shooter was a retired Tampa police captain, therefore he feels entitled to take his gun with him everywhere, including into movie theaters that have specific rules banning guns. And yes, apparently he is claiming a stand-your-ground-defense based on the fact that he felt threatened with imminent great bodity injury or death because the deceased threw some popcorn at him.

    Florida is really, really strange.

  • Anonymous

    Small towns are notorious for shoddy trials. Government so small, one person can “lose” all the evidence. Especially if the accused is rich.

  • Anonymous

    Guns don’t kill people, squirrels kill people. Unsuccessfully.

  • Ourhy4104

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  • On any given day in parts of America Wal*Mart looks like an asylum.

  • judybrowni

    I could be wrong, but I believe that man was shot not during the movie, but for texting during the trailers before the movie.

    Either way, still a bit much for the death penalty.

  • cole3244

    my days of being around crowds were over years ago, this is called red state justice and the fla incident is stand your ground once again also the fla shooter was a retired police officer, america the ugly.

  • nicho

    The veneer of civilization is exceedingly thin. This is the sort of crap we see during relatively good times. Imagine what it’s going to be like if things get a little bit tougher. If the powers that be ratchet back a little on the fuel supply, or there’s a slight hiccup in the food supply, we are so screwed. The Walmart will become a killing field.

  • Claudia Saurusrex McElya

    Well that escalated quickly…

  • perljammer

    Well, at least we don’t have post-game soccer riots. Yet.

    As for shooting a movie texter — I agree, that’s way over the top. A simple strangulation would be far more appropriate.

  • UncleBucky

    Oh the expletives are circling in my mind… SC _____s….

  • SkippyFlipjack

    which caused the front half of the cinema to jump out of their seats and run to the back to watch.


  • Indigo

    Welcome to America. Did you ever think it could be so great?

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