Onion on Christie: “Do I look like a corrupt, vengeful, openly antagonistic bully to you?”

Brilliant take on the Chris Christie bridge scandal from the Onion.

In case you missed it, Christie is in some trouble for one of his top staffers having shut down traffic on the George Washington Bridge for several days, endangering emergency services and inconveniencing thousands of commuters, in order to retaliate against a local mayor who didn’t endorse Christie for re-election.

The discussion now is whether Christie had anything to do with it.

Anyone who has followed Christie at all knows that he’s a supremely angry man. Christie routinely calls reporters and constituents “idiots,” and loses his temper at the drop of a hat. So it’s not really that out of the realm of the possible that Christie himself went all Tony Soprano on the local mayor and ordered the bridge-hit himself.

Photo by Dave Weigel.

Photo by Dave Weigel.

That’s where the Onion takes over…

The Onion:

chris-christie-evil-eyeI must admit, the past two days have been the most humbling of my entire career. I was shocked and disgusted to learn of the deplorable conduct of a member of my staff, who, without my knowledge, orchestrated lane closures on the George Washington Bridge, deliberately causing major traffic congestion in order to exact political vengeance against a local mayor who didn’t endorse me for reelection. Though I promptly fired the aide in question and repeatedly stressed that I had no prior knowledge of her actions, many have continued to accuse me of being complicit in this incident. And to those who do, I can only ask that you simply look at me, right now, and just ask yourself one question: Do I look like a corrupt, vengeful, openly antagonistic bully to you?

So if you’re one of the many people who is currently wondering whether I knew or didn’t know about the vengeful actions perpetrated by administration, just remember my overall demeanor, how I interact with everyday people, and how I respond to questions from the media, and you’ll quickly realize that I could never, ever be capable of endlessly obsessing over every last criticism leveled against me, nor could I ever bring myself to actually use any and all resources at my disposal to attack everyone who either proved an obstacle to my election or endorsed any of my political opponents. And the idea that I would go to incredible lengths to continue exacting political retribution at any available opportunity, even years later, is just inconceivable given the way I’ve famously carried myself both personally and professionally.


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Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Google+. John Aravosis is the editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown (1989); and worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, and as a stringer for the Economist. Frequent TV pundit: O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline & Reliable Sources. Bio, .

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  • sugarmountain

    The next dumb question he asked was, do these pants make my ass look big?

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    #key words: fetus, Mormon, priest, Benghazi, Catholic, liberal, bigot= troll bait.

  • newbroom

    While we indeed know that the Governor’s office was involved in planning and ordering up this chaotic lane closure, we do NOT know the motivation. It says in this article it was payback. I think we all know that it was payback. What we don’t know is what it was payback for?

  • Moderator3

    As we said when we were children, “Takes one to know one.”

  • NotConvinced

    Americablog has become infested with trolls.

  • Jett

    All kidding aside, after having the calm, cool, collected President Obama in office, the thought of Christie in the White House sends shivers up my spine.

  • Monoceros Forth

    Christie’s been infected with Demmycrat cooties, though, so I’m not sure that he’s going to get the full benefit of GOP tribalism.

  • cole3244

    the onion had better watch out christie might just eat it.

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    Interesting. It used to be Democrats who did this to each other and Republicans who stuck together no matter what.

  • pappyvet

    Chris Christie bridge scandal

  • doug105

    No like sharks a little blood in the water and they can turn on their own, Maybe not as much as they should but it does happen.

  • pappyvet

    Intimidation. A republican standard for anyone they have no respect for. Which is anyone not part of the tribe.

  • Monoceros Forth

    No wonder Republicans always complain about the gummint exists only to screw people over. When they’re in government then never do anything else with it.

  • Indigo

    I’m suddenly thinking about having a Snickers candy bar for a snack.

  • Damien Scott

    Ouch!

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    “Shocked and disgusted” . #hysterical laughter

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