Alan Keyes thinks Jesus will help GOP impeach Obama

Former Republican presidential candidate Alan Keyes is hoping that Jesus will help the GOP impeach “hardcore socialist” President Obama, putting an end to the President’s “destructive socialist coup d’état,” RightWingWatch reports.

Keyes proclaimed all of this in a recent piece published on far-right GOP propaganda organ, WorldNetDaily.

Putting aside for a moment the fact that President Obama was elected to the presidency twice in recent years (Keyes calls those “sham presidential election[s],” presumably because his guy lost), Keyes claims Obama is a “socialist ideologue practic[ing] gangster government” with the goal of “impos[ing]  the ‘dictatorship of the proletariat.'”

Senator Jesus presides over President Obama's impeachment. (Jesus and goats via Shutterstock: Jesus (Renata Sedmakova / Shutterstock.com), and goats.

Senator Jesus (D-MA) presides over President Obama’s impeachment trial in the Senate.
(Jesus and goats via Shutterstock: Jesus (Renata Sedmakova / Shutterstock.com), and goats.)

Keyes laments the fact that today’s crop of Republicans in the US House and US Senate don’t have the backbone to impeach the President. In his typically-constipated literary style, Keyes explains:

This self-defeating view of things has a specious ring of truth that allows the GOP’s elitist faction quislings to belittle and ridicule the very idea of impeachment/removal. This discourages many of the conservatives who long for an end to the Obama nightmare, while slyly belittling their intelligence and common sense.

Keyes suggests that “the people” can overcome the GOP congress’ love of Marxism by turning to Jesus, who everyone knows was, like the GOP, far more in favor of corporate tax cuts than helping the poor and less fortunate:

[T]hose who believe in Jesus Christ’s permanent resurrection of hope, look unflinchingly into the abyss, sure that if they remember and trust in God’s law of love and mercy, He has the power to restore their nation to the better path of human destiny. It is especially (though not exclusively) among such people that the movement to impeach and remove Obama and his cronies from office arises

Renata Sedmakova / Shutterstock.com

Bankster Jesus
(Jesus via Renata Sedmakova / Shutterstock.com)

Finally, to seal the deal, in case you weren’t quite yet convinced of his insanity, Keyes closes his screed by quoting abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass, who apparently would be in favor of removing from office the first black president: “Who would be free, themselves must strike the blow.”

All kidding aside, I’m always somewhat amazed by people like Keyes, who obviously aren’t stupid, yet are clearly somewhat crazy.  Though I suppose mental illness, or whatever infects the far right of the Republican party, isn’t limited by intellect. Still, you’d think someone who could string together a decent sentence would be smart enough to see through the bs, rather than be the one spewing it.

When it comes to the leadership of the Republican party, you’d be wrong.


(I’m told that in order to better see my Facebook posts in your feed, you need to “follow” me.)


Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown (1989); and worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, and as a stringer for the Economist. Frequent TV pundit: O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline & Reliable Sources. Bio, .

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  • TXPatriot

    Your faith in what the government says is commendable. There have been nothing but a parade of impostors presented after the last real video of Bin Laden in December 2001. Check out the video of him from that month. He was suffering from kidney failure, diabetes, and Marfan’s syndrome. Then compare him to any photos or videos purported to be him, including the laughable guy with the remote control. He was kept alive by occasional impostors to give meaning to the War on Terror. There was no real evidence that he died in Abbattobad. DNA? Hard to fake??? Seal team 6, almost all dead 3 months later. Can agents of the government keep secrets and lie when they are called on, you betcha. Bin Laden is dead all right, but if he was shot in Pakistan they would have had to dig up his bones from the mountains of Afghanistan. Please, show me real photo or video taken after 2001. I have looked hard and found only stand-ins.

  • AmericanReal

    What is your evidence that Obama is a bisexual? I have never heard that claim before.

  • AmericanReal

    Dear Mr. TXPatriot – Incontrovertible DNA evidence provided by our most-patriotic American Defense Service Personnel prove that Osama Bin Laden is most reliably and most certainly dead – Even Conservatives in our elected House and Senate acknowledge this. Conservative soldiers who were part of the mission to kill him have written books about this – What is the evidence for your claim?

  • TXPatriot

    May 2011, Obama committed his most impeachable offense, lying to the
    American people for political gain. It was a whopper. Osama Bin Laden
    died in Dec 2001. Not a shred of proof, not a video or photograph, has
    shown that he existed after that. Obama knew he was dead, but decided
    it was time to “close the book” and gain important poitical advantage in
    the 2012 election. This “killing” was a monstrous, baldfaced lie
    delivered in deadpan to a gullible public. There was no proof presented
    that any of the events of the raid took place as described. Obama has
    committed many transgressions, but this one tops them all.

  • trayvonmartin sux

    I’m so glad Treyvon Martin is dead.

  • cootieboygirl .

    Obama will eventually be impeached. This blog is what’s wrong with liberals: anti-religion and anti-patriot. Americans now know Obama is a Marxist, Muslim, bisexual who is hell-bent to destroy a great nation. He was elected by liberals who don’t work and don’t care about his eligibility.

  • Lizard

    if you like Obama you can keep him .. I think Obama Muslim scum bag …….

  • http://fighttherightwingnuts.blogspot.com/ mike31c

    RWNJ’s and their lemming followers really need to remember that thing their holy book about “Beware of false prophets” and all that.

  • Ninong

    If it were left to “conservatives,” we’d all be singing “God Save the Queen” today.

  • Monoceros Forth

    Eats memory reliably at least.

  • Monoceros Forth

    “Your all about redistribution of wealth and socialism.”

    Sounds like a recipe for building a great nation to me. It’s not like Objectivist selfishness has succeeded anywhere other than libertarians’ fevered brains. America’s greatest period of expansion and innovation occurred when it was taxing the everliving shit out of the top bracket.

  • Monoceros Forth

    The repugs had the mistaken belief that Keyes could beat Obama.

    Oh, I don’t believe that for a second. Running Keyes was like how a football team will start running its third- and fourth-stringers when they’ve been slaughtered so badly that they know there’s zero chance of winning. Keyes was and has always been a complete joke to everyone, including his GOP friends.

  • liberals SUCK!

    And they say this website is for a great nation that deserves the truth. You stupid liberals don’t even know what a great nation is. Your all about redistribution of wealth and socialism. Why don’t you all do America a favor and start aborting only liberals!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Ninong

    Whenever someone called Alan Keyes a carpetbagger, since he had never lived in Illinois, he said that it was his duty to accept the Republican party’s plea that he come in and save their state from Barack Obama. After the GOP’s previous nominee, Jack Ryan, was forced to pull out of the race because of a sex scandal, they called on Alan Keyes to come in and save them.

    Keyes said he prayed on it and God told him he should run. So all he was doing was following God’s will. Then he went on to say that Jesus would never vote for Barack Obama. And this nutcase is a Harvard Ph.D.

  • vickif

    Keyes is still pissed because he was brought in from Maryland to run against Obama when he ran for the Illinois Senate. The repugs had the mistaken belief that Keyes could beat Obama. He lost big.

  • Dakotahgeo

    I am constantly amazed at how often Microsoft and IE change their programs without cause. It seems they are hellbent on screwing things up that work perfectly fine. All in the name of keeping the jobs of R & D alive at any cost. Disqus is getting worse all the time also. I tire of their constant updates of failure.

  • Dakotahgeo

    Let these far right Neanderthals keep vomiting up this stuff and soon even the Republicans will be sick of it… methinks they have already had their fill of it. It’s no wonder the right wing is committing political suicide by foisting these jokers upon us!

  • http://hunteratrandom.blogspot.com/ rmthunter

    Firefox. Works every time.

  • HeartlandLiberal

    Allow me to quote from Balloon-Juice blog lexicon on the 27 Percenters. I think the principle quoted below sums it up succinctly.

    27 Percenters – Those Americans who will predictably vote against their own best interests. In his seminal post on the Crazification Factor, John Rogers used the 2004 Obama/Keyes senate race as a measure: “Keyes was from out of state, so you can eliminate any established political base; both candidates were black, so you can factor out racism; and Keyes was plainly, obviously, completely crazy. Batshit crazy. Head-trauma crazy. But 27% of the population of Illinois voted for him. They put party identification, personal prejudice, whatever ahead of rational judgement. Hell, even like 5% of Democrats voted for him. That’s crazy behaviour. I think you have to assume a 27% Crazification Factor in any population.”

    http://www.balloon-juice.com/balloon-juice-lexicon-a-h/

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    It’s worth an alum T-shirt at least.

  • KC Jenner

    A recent article somewhere during Christmas quoted Luke of the New Testament saying Jesus was born in the City of David (the Old Testament would make that Jeruslam [sp?]) I thought my stories growing up said he was born in Bethleham? In a Manger, etc. etc…

  • emjayay

    Yes, it is.

  • KC Jenner

    John your newsletter is my favorite because it had several interesting and different subjects. I was an Luthern and became an Atheist when I was in the 7th grade. Then I became Agnostic. Now I think of myself as a spiritualist. Yes those religious right-wing NUTS (GOPS usually). However there are those southern baptist the are democrates. It is all BS to me when God or Jesus is used to be. It is very funny in this case with those photos and such.

  • majii

    Keyes is full of sh*t. The fact that he is allowed to write this kind of sh*t and have it published in World Nut Daily proves his freedoms are still intact. All of the yahoos ranting about President Obama taking their freedoms away should move to Russia and experience firsthand what Putin would do if they pulled some BS there like they do here. The only thing I have in common with Keyes is that we’re both black. The major difference is that I’m not insane.

  • Butch1

    Pretty much, though I think he takes the cake.

  • Ninong

    And have you noticed that when Republican fundamentalist preachers translate those private conversations, the bottom line is always that Jesus wants them to buy another Rolls-Royce or maybe even a private jet.

  • Ninong

    God talks to Alan Keyes and Alan Keyes listens. Remember when Jesus told Alan Keyes that he would not vote for Barack Obama? That was back in 2004 when he was the Republican party’s senatorial nominee running a losing battle against Obama. A few weeks before the election Keyes not only said that he was running because it was God’s will, he went on to say that Jesus would not vote for Obama because of his support for abortion.

    Remember when he went on Michaelangelo Signorelli’s radio program and Signorelli baited him into calling Mary Cheney a “selfish hedonist?” Signorelli started out by quoting something Keyes had said, that all gays are “selfish hedonists.” Then he said, does that mean that Dick Cheney’s daughter, Mary, is a selfish hedonist? And Keyes, said, “of course, she is.” That made headlines. Keyes said he was tricked into saying that.

    Keyes said it breaks his heart that he kicked his lesbian daughter out when she came out to him but he was just following God’s word. Apparently God tells him a lot but none of it helped him win any of this elections. He has lost races for the Senate from Maryland (twice) and from Illinois (once). He has unsuccessfully run for president three times. I think he just likes watching himself on TV. He probably has tapes of all his debate appearances.

  • Ninong

    So much for the value of a Ph.D. from Harvard.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    All I can figure is that for all the things they say God and Jeebus absolutely demand or else, the Christian deities sure do seem to be substantially less than omnipotent.

    I mean, heck, even Hanuman knows his limits and is usually satisfied with nothing more than a good laugh.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Somewhere in America, a padded room is missing its inmate…

  • Monoceros Forth

    True, the Lord speaks only for Republicans, but at least he has the saving grace of never making good on any of his promises to them. He’s a massive troll.

  • Monoceros Forth

    He just continues to babble on and on running out the clock not giving the other person a chance to speak or he will interrupt and talk over a person.

    Doesn’t that describe every right-wing zealot who ever appeared on television to debate someone?

  • Anonymous

    Have you ever noticed how Jesus only speaks for the Republcian party? Can we call this the “Jesus card”?

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    LOL oh god, still doing that? I give up. But yes, IE is often asking for trouble. They’re almost always the problem child when we try to fix things on the site.

  • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

    Has to be ads.

  • Laura Davis

    my&nbspfriend’s&nbspsister-in-law&nbspΜ­­­­­­а­­­­­­K­­­­­­е­­­­­­ѕ&nbsp$­­­­­­­­82&nbspevery&nbspհ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­r&nbspon&nbspthe&nbspі­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­е­­­­­­τ.&nbspShe&nbsphas&nbspbeen&nbsplaid&nbspoff&nbspfor&nbspsix&nbspΜ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ&nbspbut&nbsplast&nbspΜ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ&nbspher&nbspincome&nbspwas&nbsp$­­­­­­­­19479&nbspjust&nbspW­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­King&nbspon&nbspthe&nbspі­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­е­­­­­­τ&nbspfor&nbspa&nbspϜ­­­­­­е­­­­­­W&nbspհ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­rs.&nbspvisit&nbspthe&nbspwebѕ­­­­­­і­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е,…&nbspWW&#x57&#46Googleproject2014getactivityreceipt&#x2E&#113&#114&#46&#x6E&#x65&#x74&#47&#109&#x4Bl&#x6A/

    �☭☭☭☭ ☭☭☭☭☭�☭ ☭☭☭☭ ☭☭☭Allen West, Herman Cain, and Clarence Thomas in a room together–then lose the key.

  • Butch1

    According to Pat Robertson and that other bumpkin from Lynchburg, Falwell who met his just reward.

  • Butch1

    He wears a person out when he speaks because he hasn’t learned when to put a period at the end of any of his sentences. He just continues to babble on and on running out the clock not giving the other person a chance to speak or he will interrupt and talk over a person. He is one of the rudest persons on the face of this earth.

  • Butch1

    I guess that rock he crawled out from under wasn’t heavy enough to keep him trapped underneath it. We must find a way to put a heavier bolder over him next time. This noisy cretin doesn’t deserve any air-time.

  • Phred

    Why should we pay attention to him just because he has an imaginary friend?
    –Richard Dawkins

    Or, to paraphrase the sadly-departed Linda Smith, “I’m not as much worried about giving him the oxygen of publicity–I’d rather not give him the oxygen of oxygen.”

  • SharonB

    Oh, and Obama is not socialist, either.

  • Rob

    If anything, the ACA is anti-socialist, it mandates that people pay for their own healthcare.

  • Monoceros Forth

    He didn’t have an answer. Pelosi had not done anything, my father’s life was unchanged, and Alan Keyes’ life is similarly and completely unchanged.

    Indeed. There’s nothing for them to point to. The closest thing to an actual Obama policy they can cite as proof of his desire to enslave America is the ACA. And even then all you get is vague generalities about the evils of socialized gummint medicine (which the ACA isn’t) and, if you’re lucky, nutty conspiracy theories about how they heard Obamacare will require us all to get radio-frequency Number-of-the-Beast ID tags and crap like that. Always it’s something they heard is about to happen, or secretly planned to happen, or has already happened but to someone else.

  • AnitaMann

    My immediate answer is, he has funds to raise for something and needs to stay in the spotlight. Whether he believes them or not is irrelevant. Plenty of people believe bs, but they don’t have a public forum to spew it, unless they’re crazily shouting from street corners. That he has a public forum for this and is able to keep running for office (but losing) says more about our society.

  • AnitaMann

    Smarter carpetbagging grifting imbeciles please.

  • Monoceros Forth

    A couple times now I’ve had AmericaBlog quit working properly in Chrome, but I think it’s a Disqus problem really. Anyway, clearing browser information (cookies &c.) seems to cure the difficulty for a time.

  • nicho

    You pretty much lost me at “Alan Keyes thinks…” I have yet to see any evidence of that.

  • AdmNaismith

    I hear you.

    About two years ago my father was going on about Nancy Pelosi and how she was taking away all his freedoms, or some such nonsense.
    I asked him, ‘What specifically has she done to change your life/business/etc for the worse’.

    He didn’t have an answer. Pelosi had not done anything, my father’s life was unchanged, and Alan Keyes’ life is similarly and completely unchanged.

    Where all this socialism/tyranny/dictatorship nonsense is coming from I simply have no idea, and the Keyes’s of the world could not tell you either.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    True, Keyes in white- face approximates tragedy.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Now it’s bridgegazhi.

  • emjayay

    I believe Chrome will steal your soul so I don’t use it.

  • http://www.americablog.com/ Naja pallida

    If he was living in any tyranny, even a little bit, he’d be locked away in a gulag by now for speaking out. The fact that reasonable people have to put up with him at all disproves his nonsense.

  • Peter

    I agree. I do not think Obama is the best President, far from it. I was hoping that the change would be sweeping out all the incompetent Bush appointees with people with an actual education, but it saddened me that he kept so many of the Bush era in their positions, and appointed to his cabinet.

    Not that I wanted money bags to be President, but Obama was the less worse choice, and I feel that every time I go to the voting booth.

  • http://www.americablog.com/ Naja pallida

    Wait… I thought gays were responsible for weather events?

  • Peter

    The same tired meme from the right, Marxism is not socialism, communism is not socialism. Most of Europe is socialist, it is not a bad thing.

  • TheOriginalLiz

    BTW – americablog keeps crashing in Chrome for me – anyone else having that problem?

  • TheOriginalLiz

    These idiots, aside from not being familiar with the constitution, are also not familiar with the teachings of Jesus. The guy was a socialist, for pete’s sake (weak pun intended). He’d be supporting Obama, not the national idiot brigade.

  • GoBlue

    Somebody please lock Alan Keyes, Allen West, Herman Cain, and Clarence Thomas in a room together–then lose the key.

  • Monoceros Forth

    It’s stable work, for those who can get it. Not very honorable work, nor good for the sense of self I would imagine; surely Keyes must have known, for example, that when the the GOP propped him up to run against Obama in Illinois it was practically an open admission that they’d written off the race and didn’t want to waste the effort running a serious candidate. But being a Republican pet or court jester is probably a cozy enough job to have.

  • Monoceros Forth

    Not that it makes any difference.

    That it doesn’t. If there’s any one word I’d use to describe the transition from Lil’ Bush presidency to Obama’s, that word would be “continuity”. Many key aspects of the Bush regime, particularly its fundamentally warlike foreign policy and its insistence that all things are excusable in the name of fighting “terrorism”, have changed scarcely at all. The most significant changes are on the domestic front and even there Obama’s been exceptionally timid. But, no, apparently there was some dramatic coup d’etat when I wasn’t looking.

    The whole mess has something of the unreal, fevered intensity of a sports rivalry, in which the sight of a wrongly colored jersey can drive presumably sane men into a rage and even to murder.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    He can’t rest at night, because he knows the proletariat is at his back . Keyes is a water carrying, step and fetch it collaborator.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Same here!

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    the “dictatorship of the proletariat.’”——-the sooner the better!

  • emjayay

    Obama the Dictator is a repeated right wing commenter accusation. Never anything to back it up.

    I like to point out that a certain previous president was an advocate of the Unitary Executive theory (the Executive Branch is in charge of everything and preempts the other two branches) and did lots of signing statements (nice bill, going to ignore it) and appointed lots of unqualified except for that they were Bushies and Christianists people in positions like at Justice that were supposed to be nonpartisan and professional, and on and on. Not that it makes any difference.

    I guess it comes down to the President occasionally enforcing some regulations strictly, or more strictly than the previous non-enforcement, like those oppressing America and controlling Real American’s lives by reducing pollution or something. Or unfairly forcing health insurance companies to include stuff like hospitalization in their policies. Or something.

  • chip in Fl

    God proved he wanted Obama elected. He sent a tropical storm to cancel one day of the GOP Convention in Tampa. He also sent Sandy to prove how Presidental Obama really is.

  • Indigo

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “I deliberately voted for Socialism and, damn it!, this ain’t it!”

  • Monoceros Forth

    When I first saw this juicy tidbit of political insanity on Joe My God, what struck me is how often Keyes kept insisting that we were now living under “tyranny” and a “dictatorship” and I just couldn’t stop thinking, what exactly is happening in his daily life that makes him feel tyrannized? I want to ask that of anyone who laments and beats his breast about how Obama’s grinding the country under his bootheel: what exactly has changed for you since Obama’s taken office?

    I just think it’s so bizarre, all the people who insist that they’re being brutalized and oppressed when really their lives have changed hardly at all since the days of Bush the Small. All of the things that socialist oppressor Obama was just itching to do like triple everyone’s taxes and seize their guns and all that–none of it’s happened, not even close. Not to say that we’re living in peace and light–far from it. But all of the stuff that’s worst about the country now was just as bad six years ago. Surely if I were living in a dictatorship now, it’d inconvenience my life in some notable way?

  • iamlegion

    So, if Obama isn’t ever impeached, does that mean Jesus doesn’t exist?

  • emjayay

    An intelligent, funny, excellent middle aged coworker thinks Alan Keyes makes all kinds of sense. Yet every sentence he has ever said would definitely give my college Aristotelian Logic prof a stoke, after which he would be left sputtering something about syllogisms and Univerals and Undistributed Middle Terms.

  • http://heimaey.us/ heimaey

    I first read that as Alicia Keyes.

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