Christian couple refuses to tip gay waiter because “Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD”

A “Christian” couple eating at an Italian restaurant in Overland Park, Kansas refused to tip their water because they somehow deduced that he was gay.

Oh but it gets worse. Instead of a tip, they left the 20 year old young man a long note full of anti-gay slurs.


I’m adding asterisks in the note below, as sometimes words like this can kill our ads – the authors of the note made no such hedging:

“Thank you for your service, it was excellent. That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD. Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours. We hope you will see the tip your f*g choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. It is never too late for GOD’S love, but none shall be spared for f*gs. May GOD have mercy on you.”

The incident happened this week at Carrabbas Italian Grill, where the kid and his mother both work (she’s the hostess).  Mom told a local new site that the “Christians” were lucky she didn’t see the note before they left, or there’d have been a bit of a scene.

And while Carrabba’s issued a statement saying it opposes discrimination, it refused to say what action, if any, would be taken if the anti-gay couple came back. That’s rather scummy of Carrabba’s. It’s rather simple to say that you will not tolerate harassment or discrimination against any of your staff, period. By refusing to answer, Carrabba’s makes clear that there’s still a problem in Kansas.

Sadly, this is what goes as “Christianity” in America, and most of the world, today.  Yes, there are good Christians (and Jews, and Muslims).  But most of the biggest churches and faiths are run by intolerant bigots who spend far too much time deciding who to hate.  Or in the case of the Catholics, bigots and pedophiles.

Here’s more coverage from local KCTV, which is a tad odd, as the reporter first talks about the gay waiter’s “lifestyle,” and then interviews another older gay man and mentions the man’s “homosexual partner.” (We rarely use the word “homosexual” any more, as it’s generally perceived as a pejorative and the word itself entails bias – read the story I link to). Then again, this is Kansas, I suppose., GA News Weather

Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Instagram | Google+ | LinkedIn. John Aravosis is the Executive Editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown; and has worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, the United Nations Development Programme, and as a stringer for the Economist. He is a frequent TV pundit, having appeared on the O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline, AM Joy & Reliable Sources, among others. John lives in Washington, DC. .

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  • Rob

    What you are saying is not what someone believes as god but if they except your beliefs or not. I grew up the Baptist south and church, And all I have to say is Christian, Muslim or what, you are all the cookie dough just some of the chips are different. Your all nuts!

  • Lisa

    This bible bangers should stay the F#c* home if they can not deal with the out side world. Crazy ass David Koresh fans.. Makes me sick. I am surprised someone has not beaten the piss out of these christian strokes..

  • Lisa


  • Lisa

    They are wack jobs and belittle human beings. These bible bangers need to be nailed. If I were the restaurant owner I would tell them to never come back again. Crazy ass people like that should stay home and eat a tv dinner

  • bortron

    “Christian” is right. While I am agnostic, these people are not; I have to say it’s comforting to know these bigot scumbuckets will be judged and systematically tortured for eternity by their vengeful God.

  • Debi Worcester

    Do not forget that the leaders of the Jewish faith denounced Jesus because He healed,
    ( violated the no work law ), on the Sabbath, (among other things). In history, just as today, people are lured to the misguided and yes, the evil way of living their lives based on adherence to biblical LEGALITIES rather than what Jesus actually said about living our lives. The old testament spoke with intolerance, but Jesus did not denounce being Gay. Today’s Christians need to be open and affirming toward ALL who follow His writings, not just what they choose to obey.
    In my opinion, Jesus would be ashamed and infuriated with the “no tip” couple and all who agree with their persecutory actions!!

  • J P

    “Friend”…’s not word of God that is portrayed as offensive in this story. It’s sanctimony and unkindness by so-called “Christians” who refuse to tip a young man they assume to be gay. There is nothing Christian about that kind of incivility. they stand on no principle but their rights to be jerks. they dishonor the Lord by linking their faith to their rudeness…..this has nothing to do with God’s holy and wonderful word. Just fallen human ego trying to hide behind it. shame on such “Christians”!

  • ducdebrabant

    Glad to know you’re so proud of these people’s note and their behavior, but where in the Bible does it tell you to stiff a waiter, and leave an insulting note instead of a tip?

  • ducdebrabant

    I think that’s why he put the word “Christian” in quotes.

  • FaceUpToIt

    Hey Christian- I suppose you have never cut your hair either, because apparently God forbids that too in Lev. in the bible. So funny how people easily spread “The word of God” when what they are really doing is spreading the words of God they want people to pay attention to.

  • One of the good things about being the victim of a stereotype is it helps not to do the same to others. I am certainly glad that a relatively small percentage of Christians are filled with hatred. To condemn all Christians would make me guilty of not living up to a standard that I expect in others.

  • cleos_mom

    But none of that addresses the question of what a believer is being “saved” from. In most Christian churches you’re being saved from the very god you’re expected to want to spend eternity with.

  • cleos_mom

    That was the Bible’s explanation for the purported wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah: those biblical cities that an Internet missionary referenced elsewhere in this discussion.

  • cleos_mom

    They don’t call that part of the Kansas City metro area “Cupcakeland” for nothing.

  • cleos_mom

    So you have multiple accounts with slightly varying names? How many are there?

  • cleos_mom

    That’s very nice; but those anti-lumping Christians maintain a deafening silence until something embarrassing and/or violent happens and it gets a lot of publicity. And even then, the concern seems to be less over the event itself than how it makes “all Christians” look’; appearances are everything.

    It was the same way during the 20th century civil rights era. Many churches openly defending Jim Crow on biblical grounds, a few churches supporting civil rights; but most just proceeding as it it wasn’t happening and hoping it would all just go away.

  • cleos_mom

    **Phew…you think I’m annoying what until God gets ahold of you….**

    It always comes down to that. Sugary words, with “my friend” tucked in somewhere, followed by MY GOD’S GONNA GETCHA when the speaker/writer doesn’t get the desired response.

  • LeFabe

    I’ll take my chances.

  • Jude Unotres

    Phew…you think I’m annoying what until God gets ahold of you….

    If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. 15 Truly I tell you, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town.

  • LeFabe

    keep telling yourself that and waste your life being annoying.

  • Jude Unotres

    A really short period followed by a very long one….

  • LeFabe

    meh, your truth has been wrong for 2 millennia now. I’ll stick to enjoying life on Earth.

  • Jude Unotres

    Friend I am sorry that you are so offended by the Word of God that you would rather kill a Christian than to hear it but for the record it is recorded in the New and Old Testament that God prohibits homosexuality. I however would not rather see you die than to allow you to be a homosexual as you would rather kill me than to allow me my religious freedom. No as a Christian our obligation ends at telling you the truth and that does not include destroying you if you do not comply, you would have us confused with Islam to believe that. The Bible states very clear that God never changes, he is the same today as he was yesterday and is how he will be tomorrow. That being said if God were to change his mind like the world has and proclaim that homosexuality is no longer a sin…he would have to raise Sodom and Gomorrah and apologize to them…
    If you reject the Word of God that is your business, you may even reject God but those are choices left to you, the Christian is being faithful to God when he tries to tell you that you are sinning against God and gives you the truth.

  • LeFabe

    funny how they only adhere to the one specific quote about homosexuality. Every other stupid rule from the old testament that dosen’t make any kind of sense in the modern world is totally dispensed with. Hey christians mind your own damn business or we’ll feed you to the lions again.

  • judybrowni

    Because Jesus was a tightwad.

  • maria

    True. Everyone so knew what Reagan’s favorite snack was that when Gen. Alexander Haig (he who claimed he was in charge when Reagan was shot) announced he was writing his memoirs, Johnny Carson claimed it would be titled “An Officer and a Jelly Bean.”

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    You’re repeating yourself.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    You wrote, ” It is clear that the blacks of this country (not all) are feeling emboldened by the leadership and are not mature enough as members of a civilized society to know this behavior is wrong and that it should not be encouraged.”

    Not mature enough as members of a civilized society? That is a racist comment.

    Clumsy use of scripture? In other words, it hit to close to home.

  • cant be identified

    i attended the inlaws christmas sermon to make them happy. as a non gay person i was pretty offended and looked at the preacher straight in the eyes with a look of “whats wrong with you” when, in front of the children and all, he said ” i have seen (this), (that), homosexuality, and other atrocities.

    i couldnt believe it, looked around at the other people, and none of them were shocked at all.

    you see, this form of christianity (this specific one is kelvinism) is complete brainwashing. supposedly based on logic this belief system pounds ideas into your head which they know are facts, like creationism , based on the fact that they know for sure that god exists. there is only one side of things, nothing else because they know its true.

    so, from the time youre very young, you are made to believe that you are hetero to start off and if you turn gay, its because you decided to sin and become evil. i guess its just to spite god?

    as for the name thing. homosexual is really the scientific word to describe it, but when you hear these people say it, it does sound like an offensive word.

  • ttruthiot

    Racists? Why, because I feel that black on white crime should be handled the same as all other crime? Wow…a clumsy response and an even clumsier use of scripture. All Christians are sinners, that is what it takes to be a Christian….repent and turn to God for salvation…its only the founding principle!

  • ttruthiot

    Racists? Because I don’t believe that black violence should go on ignored? Seriously? Is that the comments you are referring to? In no way did I insinuate that I am not a sinner as a matter of fact if you are a professed Christian….that is what you have professed to! A rather clumsy response and an even more clumsy misuse of a scripture.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Splinter? Log? Eye?

  • ttruthiot

    So who hates more the world that would allow you to go on in your lives pretending that everything is good or the Christian who would take the time to point out to you that you are sinning against God? If the person practicing homosexuality rejects that then that is on them but if the Christian does not tell them, they have not done what has been commanded of them. Christians don’t hate the sinner but the sin and you don’t need to go any further than the Bible to know how God feels about sin and he lists homosexuality specifically. I did not see any hate in that message only a wake up call to a sinner. It just goes to show how upside down the world has become concerning morality and how rejected God and His Word has become also.

  • Butch1

    No. you will NOT dismiss me when I tell you I do not like being called a homosexual!

    You can respect me for that or not. I do not like being called that and if you do not like it, that is YOUR problem and not MINE. I’m the gay person here not YOU! I get to decide what you get to call me not YOU. If I say it insults me then you should be listening to me. It isn’t up to you. If you don’t like it, fuck off. I do not need insensitive “friends” like you.

  • GRMule

    Oooh, burn! The irony of calling someone a name because you think they are calling you a name… WHEW!

    You know I picked the name “Mule”, right? And, like… I know what the synonyms are?

  • GRMule

    Aww hell no. You did not just “they” me. I am not a “they”. You’re doing the same crap that the right wing does — assume anyone who does not agree with everything is a “they” and fit to be scorned. I expect that from a tea bagger. I don’t expect that from a progressive and a person fighting for people to realize the exact opposite about people, fighting for people to LISTEN for a change! If you can’t even have a small disagreement with a person who is -on your fucking side-, what hope do you have for convincing someone who *really* disagrees?

    Sorry, I’m not your boogeyman. I just don’t agree that the word is pejorative, and I think that getting bogged down in a “what the right word is” fight is a waste of time, effort, and emotion. I am entitled to my opinion. I’m not going to stand around and call you a word if you don’t like it — even though you’re completely willing to “they” me and ascribe whatever beliefs and views fit your bill. How absurd! But I’m also not going to tiptoe around how I refer to my friends’ sexuality (for all the times that it comes up between platonic friends) because it is all weird now, or because “they” decided on the internet that now all the sudden a clinical and scientific term that is rarely used in conversation among normal people is now suddenly offensive.

    I’m not saying “HRR HOMOSECKSUAL NOT GAY HRR”, nor am I insisting that I’ll call you want I want. I won’t call you anything. But if I am talking about sexuality, I will choose the continue to use the word that I want to use, and know, for a fact, that anyone who is being reasonable won’t be offended by it because the intents and emotion behind any language is what really matters.

    I could call you a fork, and if I meant it to be pejorative, it would. You can “they” me all day, and you’d only be a hypocrite for your troubles. Fuck it, you probably won’t even read this. Blah blah blah, one they talkin’ to another they, eh?

  • misfitsoda

    Hahaha, man, what a bunch of epic a22holes. Wow. To take the time to write that? I mean, “epic a22holes” is putting it lightly. Ha. Wow. Ah well. F Em. Let them be bitter and hateful in their lives. Still though, ha. Wow.

  • Butch1

    They like to play games to irritate us. It’s puerile and expected when they think they are on a stage looking down on us and we are begging them for rights. They really don’t realize they are on the wrong side of history and do not understand science, medicine or even staying in this decade with relevant information about gays. They live in the past and choose not to educate themselves. Yet, they continue to pontificate to us like they are authorities and use religion and any outdated source that has been dismissed by real science and medicine. Unfortunately, they vote and they hurt gays and lesbians who are still struggling in the states that discriminate against us. There are many and this has to be fixed.

  • slinky

    Some people are just mean spirited and don’t have much to offer.

  • I do think it hurts the cause for equality. You don’t want people to call you the “right” thing, you want people to treat you like any other person

  • vickif

    You’re right about that. In my daily newspaper’s letters to the editors, some man is always saying in the comments that it’s HOMOSEXUAL NOT GAY. He’s is one who is also so anti-gay. My son and his husband call themselves gays.

  • LanceThruster

    That’s pretty local to where I used to live. Probably have been there myself. Sorry, from our community that they did not meet expectations. It’s funny because it’s one of the strongest points of chain restaurants is uniform quality standards. Since seeing all the pics and tweets of disgruntled fast food workers, I just hope they haven’t messed with my order. One of my first jobs was KFC (before they were KFC). The worst thing we did was make a drumstick out of all batter and put it in the order, but would make up for it by putting in extra pieces, and we only did it to other kids.

  • Melve


  • Melve

    I agree, they should disclose some online account for that but I think he has chosen to keep his identity private

  • Melve

    They could identify his sexuality simply by looking at him apparently, just not in time to refuse the meal he served them. Christian Hypocrites at their finest

  • Melve

    I don’t much care for the word ‘gay’ or the rainbow flag as the symbol for that matter. I feel it portrays such a trite stereotype

  • Melve

    Cant face the repercussions? Don’t commit the cowardly act

  • cheap and stingy for Jesus.

  • You have hit on a major heresy of Christianity: original Sin and atonement of sin as an act of faith. The ultimate corruption of this early heresy can be seen in fundamental churches to today. Make an act of contrition and you are off the hook. Catholics and the magic confessional booth.

  • Then there is the literature of the false Paul.

  • Can’t be bothered. Move along.

  • caphillprof

    uh, actually it is a perjorative

  • Karma_hitman

    I am not sure your name is correct, mule you seam more like an ASS to me.

  • Moderator3

    There wasn’t, so it is gone.

  • Stev84

    No True Scotsman fallacy. Yes, they are Christians. Especially if they follow the Nicene creed.

  • UFIA

    I even tip Christians.

  • Butch1

    It’s a clinical word that should be left for clinical studies. The right and the bigots love to use it only to deny us the words we prefer to call ourselves. It’s their little game to play.

  • Butch1

    It is used by the right to deny us the term we prefer calling ourselves which is gay. The right refuses to use that term and insists to use the clinical term, homosexual instead because they know it bothers most of us.

    We will decide what we want to be called NOT the right wing or those bigots who are homophobic and we will NOT be lectured on what is appropriate and be dismissed.

  • Butch1

    I see no humor in this one bit.

  • Butch1

    I’m sure Jesus would be real proud of them.

  • scarletbarchicago

    Everyone just needs to lighten up. Here’s a little humor.[email protected]/2108591036/

  • scarletbarchicago

    i agree.

  • The Mule

    The word “heterosexual” doesn’t describe all the complexities of a relationship between a man and a women, and yet that is not pejorative.

    The matter under discussion is simply whether the word is a slur. You’re setting up a straw man here — the word isn’t *intended* to entirely encapsulate the nuances of your interpersonal relationships. It is a clinical term. You’re either heterosexual or homosexual. There’s no value statement, no sentiment, and those are two requisite attributes of pejorative words.

    If you want to spend your time and energy on manufactured outrage, it doesn’t hurt me at all. But I do think it hurts the cause for equality. You don’t want people to call you the “right” thing, you want people to treat you like any other person. But, if you’re more worried about words, best of luck to you. You’ve not changed my mind by calling me a troll, that’s for sure.

  • Maureen Lindenberg Bradford

    Don’t lump all Christians in with these bigots. Some of us who identify as Christian believe that God loves *all* of us and we are to treat everyone as we want to be treated, which clearly these “Christians” did not.

  • Katie

    Personally I am an unbeliever, but I couldn’t agree more with the sentiment you express. We should all be accepted as we are.

  • dolleyes5

    Oh, cause I’m sure they are “perfect” in the eyes of God while they humiliate and demean someone that they don’t even know.

  • TheOriginalLiz

    My point exactly about not having the courage to own up to their actions. It would seem that if they really believed in what they claimed, they would proclaim it to the world, not hurriedly crawl back under their rock.

  • ckg1

    Because they don’t have any balls.

    That’s why.

  • UncleBucky

    Religion is fair game. Right?

    ‘Cause any religionist who finds a person outside of their specifications fair game? Just because you say you are not as bad as this couple doesn’t mean that by your previous silence that you religion is forgiven.

    BTW, this is all bar talk. And if you can’t take the bar talk, go to a a milk bar.

  • UncleBucky

    More so, they are Paulists. The guy Paul turned Jesus upsided down and shook out all his change. Then he fleeced Jesus for all the good he could have done and made it a paying religion.

    Come to Illinois. But only some parts. Other parts are the same or worse than anywhere in the South.

  • “because there are just as many assholes on the the “other side” of this issue that would harass and possibly harm them.” Mule waves tail…..

  • scold troll

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    The word homosexual focuses on only one aspect of our lives. When we were 19 years old, we may have been capable and willing to have sex all the time, but time changes everything. The word does not consider the emotions. I didn’t stick with the snoring machine for 28 years just for the sex. I loved him. Now, how does the work homosexual begin to describe that love?

  • Monoceros Forth

    Yeah, let’s not think at all about the difference between denotation and connotation. Language is such a simple thing, isn’t it?

  • The Mule

    And because there are just as many assholes on the the “other side” of this issue that would harass and possibly harm them. There’s no purpose served in their volunteering to the be objects of an internet shitstorm.

  • The Mule

    Point of order: “homosexual” isn’t a pejorative. You can call it one, but it isn’t. Insisting on superfluous labels as placeholders accomplishes nothing — you merely establish a code word which serves the same role as the original term. Beside that point, any new phrase or term you invent to refer to the group collectively, rather than “homosexuals”, is every bit as likely to be used or inturpreted as a pejorative.

    Just stick to the real cause of equality and don’t get bogged down in semantics. It accomplishes nothing in the way of equality, and uses your time ineffectively on manufactured outrage.

  • TheOriginalLiz

    Because the type of people who would do something like that are bullies and cowards and neither of those types ever take responsibility for their own actions.

  • 1jetpackangel

    I heard someone once say, “How many gay people does God have to create before you people decide that maybe he wants them to stick around?”

  • emjayay

    No, not being deliberately obtuse. Like the comment below, they probably won’t come back. The publicity over the incident has probably insured that anyway. And in general I don’t see what more the restaurant could do. Maybe buy an ad in the local gay paper, if there is one. Maybe send a check to Lambda Legal or a marriage equality group or a gay center and mention it in ads or signs. I don’t quite see them posting rainbow flags around the middle class chain restaurant.

    But beyond no-shirt-no-shoes-no-service there’s not much they can do about the individual customers unless they create a disturbance or something.

  • emjayay

    The problem is that the Christianist contingent has given all of the Christians a bad name, which they don’t necessarily deserve. There do seem to be a lot of them in this country, however.

  • emjayay

    To be fair, the restaurant is paying commercial rents which in an urban area can be shocking, is paying for the dishes and grills and heat and water and electricity and tables and chairs and bathroom and cleaners and cooks and waiters. You didn’t pro-rate all those things into the cost of your home meal.

  • silas1898

    These Christo-baggers are firmly convinced that if only they could somehow get their “message” out that the sane people would suddenly agree with them. So these nuts were scribing for the cause. And its 2 bucks they can give to the preacher who is banging the 14 year old girls in the “parish” Ugh

  • KitC

    Why don’t the “Christians” who wrote the letter step up and identify themselves?

  • Monoceros Forth

    There also were right wing protests against a stamp depicting Horatio Alger, the late 19th century rags-to-riches author, because he was “gay.” These same letter demanded that the government instead issue a stamp depicting actor John Wayne, even though he’d already was on a stamp at the time.

    You know, it isn’t just the stupidity of the protest against commemorating Horatio Alger or even the stupidity of demanding a John Wayne stamp when there already was one. What I really don’t get is how anyone could think that John Wayne was somehow an equivalent or parallel to Horatio Alger. I find myself recalling a story from several years ago about how right-wingers at some university were angry that Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed was on a class reading list and demanded that Sam Walton’s autobiography be assigned to counter it.

  • ArthurH

    Jelly Belly was Ronald Reagan’s favorite candy. He always kept a huge jar of the candy on his desk. So what do you expect from the CEO of that company, especially one who cleared a flavor for a line of jelly beans tied to candy mentioned in the Harry Potter novels that included a flavor called “vomit”?

  • labman57

    I always have to heave a sigh and roll my eyes whenever self-proclaimed Christians indignantly declare that homosexuality and gay marriage defy “the word of God”. This argument is both cowardly and disingenuous — using biased interpretations of cherry-picked biblical passages to justify their brand of social intolerance and religious self-righteousness.

    Socially-regressive Christian conservatives will always contend that homosexuality is a choice. Rational discussion is pointless. They HAVE to maintain this point of view, because the alternative — the idea that homosexuality is a congenital, perhaps even genetically-based behavior — would mean that God made gays the way they are. Which would imply that to condemn homosexuality would be to condemn God’s will.

    It’s enough to make their narrow-minded heads explode.

    Bottom line: the problem with many Christian conservatives is that they are long on self-righteousness and short on selflessness, long on callousness and short on compassion, long on intimidation and short on tolerance.

  • ArthurH

    Right wingers have long been nutty about postage stamps. Linn’s Stamp Weekly once ran an article back when the postage rate was raised from 5 cents to 6 cents and the 6-cent stamp depicted FDR. The right wingers wrote letters to newspapers advising that the 6-cent stamp be changed to depict an “American” (they had birthers back in the 1960s?) and in the interim use two 3-cent Statue of Liberty stamps despite that stamp having been discontinued five years earlier and the current 3-center depicted Frances Parkman. There also were right wing protests against a stamp depicting Horatio Alger, the late 19th century rags-to-riches author, because he was “gay.” These same letter demanded that the government instead issue a stamp depicting actor John Wayne, even though he’d already was on a stamp at the time. Apparently these people have no historical or cultural literacy to speak of.

  • TheOriginalLiz

    Those people are not christian by any stretch of the imagination. They wouldn’t recognized the message of Christ if it bit them in the ass.

  • Thom Allen

    But, nick, then why is it OK for you to judge these people as “psychopaths”? What do you know of them other than what they are reported to have done? So it’s fine for YOU to judge others, just not OK for others to make judgments, is that it?

  • chris10858

    I REALLY hate the word “homosexual”. It’s the gay version of “colored” for African-Americans. Whenever someone uses it in the media, we need to pounce on them and make that word as bad as the “n” word in the eyes of the public.

  • HarpoSnarx

    “Cheap: That’s the long and short of it.”
    And with a mean streak. With Goopers, the sado-gasm is always the get-off especially if it’s a pain-free (for them) driveby.

  • evodevo

    A lot of fundie Xtians do not like the James section at ALL. Ignore it when they can. Completely contradicts Paul, dontcha know. I know of at least one local fundie church that split in two over this controversy.

  • evodevo

    And the couple “knew” he was gay … how, exactly? Unfortunately, typical for for today’s Xtian right wingers. We had a local teabagger idiot come into the local little PO where I work last year and demand we take the Ellen DeGeneres Humane Society stamp poster out of the window because it was an “abomination”. We didn’t. Typical teahadist behavior.

  • 1jetpackangel

    Jif and Smuckers, by the way.

  • 1jetpackangel

    I was raised by Southern Baptists, and it’s crap like this that made me stop going to church, and stop being supportive of Christianity in general. My stepdad, a licensed preacher, even worked a “sinners go to hell” speech into his own father’s funeral, and I very nearly walked out of the church. I decided that I like Buddhism better: do good not out of fear of punishment but simply because it’s the right thing to do and it will make everyone else’s lives better.

    And in semi-related news, while grocery shopping tonight, I found myself switching brands on a few products because some of my regular purchases have started sporting “proud sponsor of the Olympics” graphics on their labels. Blech. Only way that peanut butter and jelly could get any less appetizing was if there was half of the product gone so there’d be room in the jar for a Brazilian Wandering Spider.

  • JayRandal

    When I lived in Florida, before moving to Georgia, I had a coffee shop and cafe in St. Augustine.
    Some residents shunned my cafe because I am Gay and had a male partner living with me there.
    I never had any direct confrontations at my cafe by customers about it but some glared at me at times. A few customers didn’t leave any tips because they were cheapskates. One time a group of about 8 persons left without total payment of their bill and no tip. Worst thing was vandalism of my building at night by unknown persons. Knocked over chairs and tables and smashed plants on my deck.

    Shortly before moving to Georgia I was pulled over by a female police officer claiming I ran a stop
    sign nearby my property which did NOT happen. I was on my way to go dancing at Gay club in Jacksonville so dressed in leather pants and fancy dance shirt. I told her to give me the ticket so I could continue driving to club. She called for backup police vehicle and I was told to get out of my car.
    I was not happy about it but complied. As I was signing ticket I told her I wanted her badge number to file complaint with chief of police. Backup male officer said to me “When I am looking at your Gay butt
    you will show her respect. ” I turned to him and said excuse me guy. Give me your badge number too.
    I am a merchant in this town. I know the mayor and chief of police too. They let me go but humiliated
    by what happened to me. Since I moved away from Florida I have never been back there.

  • pappyvet

    These people are religionists.They like the Taliban use religion as the tie off to shoot more hatred into their veins.

  • Brenda Burow Hare

    We are all different in many ways. We cannot tell our heart who to fall in love with it just happens. Also we can’t change who we are, we are God’s children and he does not make junk.

  • I don’t know that I’m better equipped than anybody, save that I came to value critical thinking even in my faith and beliefs.

    I wouldn’t say that the concept of ‘salvation’ itself is a harmful doctrine, but rather the application of it as re-interpreted by Paul (and his followers). If you go back to the Gospels, the messages are simple: God or the Divine does the saving (and any and all necessary judging and forgiving), all you have to do is surrender to grace. Furthermore, it’s beyond crystal clear the admonition is not to pay the least attention to other people’s spiritual status or progress, but only your own. “Judge not” and all that.

    Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. Emphatically not “Treat others as you have decided they deserve.”

    As far as I’m concerned, that couple who wrote the hateful anti-gay note did exactly that: Treated the waiter as THEY had decided he deserved.

    Yet that’s also what Paul did. Judging, all the time. Some of his letters aren’t so bad (some are quite positive, IMHO), but he loved condemning entire peoples for the actions of some who offended him personally. And he furthermore tied salvation — which is supposed to be between you and the Divine only — to culturally-based customs and mores, most of which were based on ancient Abrahamaic tribal laws.

    In other words, Paul took the idea of surrender to the Divine and made it into surrender to him and his rigid and narrow-minded (and misogynistic) views on proper behavior. The very idea of surrender to something greater than yourself, something beyond humanity, was an amazing concept for the time. In my opinion, he took that and redefined it as following his archaic and culturally arbitrary rules on how to live an earthly human life. The opposite of spirituality, really.

  • Denver Catboy

    The best behavior here is to treat others with respect, as long as they treat you with respect. You have a Jesus Fish on your business, I won’t have a problem with you. If you proselytize to me, then you’ve shown you don’t respect me, and I’ll cease showing you respect.

    It helps when you treat your labor right, too…shows you take that whole ‘do to others as you’d have done to you’ thing seriously.

  • Denver Catboy

    While I do agree that we need to be careful not to lump in the innocent with the guilty, I can’t get over the amount of CONCERN you have for us, Nick. :)

  • Nicholas A Kocal

    This may have been a religious couple but anyone calling them Christian would be lying.

  • Monoceros Forth

    …Paul was a self-righteous, judgmental prig who annoyed the hell out of nearly everybody he encountered…

    And the pattern was set! OK, OK, that was a very cheap joke.

    You’re undoubtedly better equipped than I am, Becca, to answer this question: don’t ultimately we have Paul to thank for the harmful doctrine of salvation, at least in its contemporary sense–that is to say, the notion that atonement for sin isn’t a process but simply an act of faith. I know it’s a bit more complicated than that.

  • I spent a lot of time researching early Christian beliefs in my late teen and early adult years — encouraged to do so, actually, by a Jesuit brother who became a good friend and spiritual-philosophy sparring partner. And your conclusion there was the same as mine (and the same as Brother Benedict’s): That Paul was a self-righteous, judgmental prig who annoyed the hell out of nearly everybody he encountered, save those who were (1) male and (2) willing to live as complete ascetics.

  • Bomer

    Same here. I’ve been a waiter three times (and never want to do it again) and I hated the Sunday morning after church crowd. It was pretty much a given that if I was working Sunday mornings I wasn’t going to be making squat.

  • Monoceros Forth

    The fellow who taught me introductory ancient Greek had me translate a bit of the Epistle to the Romans as a bit of a break from classical passages and he said something like, “Paul sounds like he’s mad for not getting invited to all the cool parties.”

    I’ve come across, by the way, the curious idea–that will never be anything but intriguing speculation, I’m sure–that the Gospels were finally written down as a sort of rebuttal or correction of Paul. Earlier than the 3rd century surviving texts of Christian documents get few and fragmentary indeed but Paul can be traced back a bit further with what we have. So the general idea is that Paul came first and then other writers decided that they needed to counter the s–t that Paul was slinging and write down what really happened.

  • vickif

    You know if you said that to people like that, they wouldn’t even know who you were talking about.

  • Monoceros Forth

    Do you really want a list of all the other stupid things that have happened in Kansas in recent years? The list is getting pretty long…

  • And, was a rabid misogynist.

  • Yawn

  • Cheap: That’s the long and short of it.

  • nick

    The auther of this article finds it unacceptable for a couple of psychopaths to make slurs at an innocent person, while in the same vein hold over two million people accountable because they happen to fall within a geographic imaginary line. And while we’re at it lets lump a whole religion in it two because of the two specific assholes…and heck, lets take a swing at Catholicism because they are within reach. You are just a much less offensive bigot than those two jackoffs. Overland Park is a very large city in the Kansas City metropolitan market…a proud gay-friendly city. Carrabas is a national franchise that so happens to be located in Overland Park. Nobody has any idea if these assholes are even from Kansas. And I can say with certainty that these two are not the official spokespeople for Christianity. You are shortminded like the two subjects in this article. Those are the only things that are certain, the rest is bullshit.

  • Same here. I might even complain about bad service, but I have never ever stiffed anyone on a tip. Also, how do they even know the waiter was gay?

  • Perhaps. But my meaning is they’re following the teachings of Paul — who supposedly never even met Yeshua — and who kept getting kicked out of villages, towns, and cities because he p*ssed off people everywhere he went.

  • crazymonkeylady

    Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s. Give to god what is god’s. Read your bible, jerks.

  • Sandbur

    Abusive Christians seldom follow the teachings; in this case:
    James 5.4-5 NRSV
    “Listen! The wages of the laborers who mowed your
    fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out, and the cries of the harvesters
    have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts.
    You have lived on the earth in luxury and in pleasure; you have fattened
    your hearts on a day of slaughter”.

  • woodroad34

    Hmmmm, is that a bird I hear: cheap cheap cheap? Not such a good revvvvvruhnd and I say that because of Mark 10:25″It is easier to pass a cable through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God “

  • GoBlue

    I’ve read elsewhere that customers are coming to the restaurant and specifically asking to be served by this waiter — their way of giving what-for to the bigots.

    If his tip income goes way up as a result, how long before other waiters start saying “I’M Spartacus!”

  • Typical bigoted “Christian” and their false god.

  • Anonymoose

    So where can we send the tip?

  • JLSR

    I agree. Because non-believers, it turns out, can be the better people and take a higher road. I have been “God Bless You”ed, (without sneezing), many times upon leaving an establishment, or after talking to a clerk in a store, or even on the phone–but that’s fine. I wouldn’t be rude or thoughtless, nor try to convince those people to think or believe the things that I do. (But, I will avoid going to and shopping at “Christian-owned” stores and restaurants, like Hobby Lobby and Chick Fil-A–I won’t give the owners my pagan lucre–and, obviously, they don’t want it anyway)!

  • Monoceros Forth

    I grew up in Southern California, mostly in San Diego, and I used to like In ‘n’ Out when they opened one up near Miramar. But a few years ago on a road trip I stopped at one near Azusa (just happened to be the nearest town when we were hungry) and it was mediocre. But I suppose that what happens when a chain gets too big.

  • That’s why we never eat at those kinds of restaurants. ;-)

  • Monoceros Forth

    But just think: if a state where workers are paid a ridiculously low minimum wage if they’re expected to get tips even so much as proposed a law to eliminate the tipping exception so that the workers would be guaranteed the same minimum wage as anyone else, you could count in hours the first hand-wringing statement from some right-wing restaurateur to the effect that he would now be forced to jack up all his prices, reduce all his workers’ hours and maybe sack some of them because Obama.

  • Drew2u

    Prices adjusted accordingly? You mean fairly? $10 for a burger and fries that’s essentially the same thing I make at home only now served next to a trombone and a picture of Tuscany on the wall? Lower the prices of the food, raise the wages of the staff, and lower the compensation of the 20 richest CEOs of the company.
    I’d love to tip, but when the bill comes to almost $50, that’s absurd.

  • Monoceros Forth

    Isn’t that the truth. It’s just become an excuse for restaurant workers to get paid subsistence wages (or less.)

  • Agree completely with this. Staff should be paid a decent wage, regardless of role, and prices for the food and drinks adjusted accordingly.

  • Drew2u

    The whole tying wages to tips needs to be gone away with.

  • Drew2u

    Well damn. And here it used to be my favorite rest stop when I make a usual-annual cross-state trek.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    When I was waiter, we tried to avoid the tables where people said grace before their meals. Chances were we were going to get stiffed, and not in a good way.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    The head of the company donated $5000 to fight against the law that was passed to fight against discrimination against trangender teens.

  • Well, that was my experience from my waitressing days at a local Friendly’s restaurant. Weekday and Saturday morning tips = Usually great. Sunday morning tips from folks coming home from church (obvious from the clothes) = lousy.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Does it count that my pastor went with a group of pastors to the state capital to urge the senators and representatives to allow same gender couples to marry? Does it count that he then led a group from our congregation to do the same? Does it count that he officiated at my husband’s and my wedding years before the state permitted it?

    Submit? Are you the new overseer of religion in the U.S.A?

  • Drew2u

    Jelly Belly!? Oh god, what happened there??

  • tomtallis

    That could be a group of Phelpses. Topeka is only about an hour’s drive from Overland Park.

  • FUFatherEisenman

    This is why I lost religion a long time ago.

  • cole3244

    kansas, bible belt, christian fanatic, bigotry, bingo!

  • tsuki

    Translation from Fundie: You are not getting a tip because I am a cheap SOB. It’s Gawd’s fault.


  • tomtallis

    My guess is that they won’t come back. They’re not going to soil their pure, lily-white souls patronizing a place that employs perverts, even if his mother works there. They’ll confine themselves to Chik-Fil-A and Jelly Belly.

  • LanceThruster

    I’m an atheist and though I try to avoid if possible those business with Jesus fish (or other mythologies) in their ads or on their business cards or vehicles (unless there’s other good reasons to patronize them), I’d never think to stiff waitstaff because of some religious emblem they were sporting (I suppose if I really thought about it there might be some theocratic designation that might piss me off enough but none come to mind at the moment).

  • mucholderguy

    People with high moral standards generally ARE cheap! This is because their morality applies to everybody except themselves. No worries there — because they’re “saved”, right?

  • Buford

    Not sure if you are being deliberately obtuse, but the context here is in regard to what the restaurant will do to support the staff if that particular couple comes back.

  • cambridgemac

    Actually, “Christianist’ is modeled on the term Islamist, as opposed to Muslim. Muslims adhere to the faith. Islamism is a POLITICAL movement. In the same way, Christianists are political actors, not religious. Their interest is in changing laws and subjugating others. That said, I uprated your post as you make many good points.

  • emjayay

    How can they back it up? Give a quiz to the patrons before serving?
    They could I suppose add a service charge to the bill so everyone gets a tip like happens elsewhere.

  • emjayay

    Mark Chapter 12

    One of the scribes, when he came forward and heard them disputing and saw how
    well he had answered them, asked him, “Which is the first of all the

    Jesus replied, “The first is this: ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord

    You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul,
    with all your mind, and with all your strength.’

    The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no
    other commandment greater than these.”

  • Jimmy

    The very definition of un-Christian behavior. People like this obviously have real understanding of the religion they profess to believe in. They need to to take a long look at the teachings of Jesus Christ the next time they feel the need to belittle and demean someone.

  • emjayay

    Paulite sounds like a fan of that father and son duo in Congress to me.

  • Betty McG

    He seems to have received quite a bit of support from the community. Another local station has stated in their comment section that they will be interviewing a friend of the server on their 6pm newscast. (The server has declined to appear on TV.) If you don’t mind wading through what passes in our area for news reporting, it will be live on

  • Monoceros Forth

    Who was it here that said that the more pious the customer the worse they tend to treat the restaurant staff? At least my mate’s said it and he’s got years of experience in restaurant work.

  • perljammer

    I’m with you. How these people can self-identify as “Christians” is a mystery to me. Makes as much sense as a Jewish neo-Nazi.

  • Monoceros Forth

    I used to try to make such a distinction but now I don’t bother. Any line you can mark down to separate between “Christian” and “Christianist” is going to be arbitrary. You can’t divide a continuous spectrum into easy categories.

    There’s this as well. At bottom the adjective “Christian” says nothing about behavior. To be Christian means simply to adhere to a small, central set of beliefs about the nature of the Universe and about godhood, most importantly the concept of the triune God. Strictly defined–and we should, I think, keep all definitions as strict as possible–there’s nothing in the word “Christian” that says you’re a good person or that you do good things. But implicit in the use of the neologism “Christianist” is an attempt to make “Christian” a term of praise rather than a neutral statement of religious beliefs.

  • It saddens me how in one breath these homophobic gits can talk about ‘God’s love’ and in the next use it as an excuse to spread hatred and bigotry. All because one Bronze Age culture said so.

    I’m with Mike: There are those who follow the teachings and higher ideals of Christian beliefs. And then there are the Christianists… although lately I’ve taken to calling them Paulites (after Paul/Saul of Tarsus) who decided to take all of the positive reforms supposedly associated with Jesus and instead make it clear that constantly judging the perceived sins of others (but not oneself) isn’t just okay, it’s apparently a requirement.

  • Duncan Watson

    I am a preacher’s kid but I am done with so-called Christians. If you want to make a distinction than please submit a list of your pastor’s sermons for the last year. Because I don’t believe anyone who hasn’t had their pastor decry the religious right or the actions of them.

  • There was some long-haired, brown-skinned, liberal pinko guy who once said something to the effect of: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

  • jomicur

    Yes, the statement is clear. What is not at all clear is what they intend to do to back it up. For far too many companies, non-discrimination policies exist for PR purposes, not as actual statements of policy and practice. For instance, the company where I was fired for being gay some years back had a strict non-discrimination policy in writing in the employee handbook. At the hearing on my suit, they argued in so many words, “You didn’t actually expect us to live by that, did you?” Alas, that attitude is far too common among businesses here in The Greatest Country in the World(TM).

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    This is one of the reasons I prefer to differentiate between Christianists and Christians. Christianists behave in such a way that Jesus would never condone. It sounds to me that this couple just wanted an excuse for being cheap.

  • Ninong

    I think the restaurant’s statement is perfectly clear: “We do not tolerate discrimination – from either our employees or our guests. We embrace diversity and believe in treating everyone with respect.”

    I seriously doubt that the stupid, biased, hateful, ignorant couple in question will ever return to that restaurant, especially now that they have learned that the young man’s mother is the hostess. That would be a greeting worthy of the evening news.

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