Jim Carrie made Big Gun mad.
Ten days ago, actor and comedian Jim Carrey did a satirical video with “Funny or Die” about gun control, called “Cold Dead Hand.”
The video is a take-off of the old country-music-loving comedy show from around 1970, Hee Haw. In the clip, Jim Carrey plays both the roles of NRA superstar Charlton Heston, and a gun-loving country boy from the sticks, singing about why he needs a gun. The video is at the bottom of this post.
Here’s the iconic Heston clip, at an NRA convention in Charlotte, NC in 2000, that Heston’s title, and caricature, is based on:
The pro-gun noise machine kicked in immediately, with, of course, Fox News leading the pack. Here’s Fox’s Greg Gutfeld:
“[Jim Carrey] is probably the most pathetic tool on the face of the earth and I hope his career is dead and I hope he ends up sleeping in a car. [...] This video made me want to go out and buy a gun. He thinks this is biting satire going after rural America and a dead man… He’s a dirty, stinking coward… He’s such a pathetic, sad, little freak. He’s a gibbering mess. He’s a modern bigot.”
Twitter was typically atwitter with the usual immediate misinterpretations and incredulous denunciations by the morally righteous. Carrey was having none of it:
I’d like to respond to all the conservative bundits out there personally but I’m far too busy NOT stumping for the g… say.ly/uaP5rh8
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 24, 2013
After Fox’s attack on him, Carrey also had some harsh words for them:
I’ll just say this: in my opinion Fux News is a last resort for kinda-sorta-almost-journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme and intolerant views; a media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue.
I sincerely believe that in time, good people will lose patience with the petty and poisonous behavior of these bullies and Fux News will be remembered as nothing more than a giant culture fart that no amount of Garlique could cure.
I wish them all the luck that accompanies such malevolence.
Now I really have to quote the refrain and ending of Carrey’s Funny or Die video – he basically says gun nuts are compensating for small, um, members:
It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger. It takes a cold dead heart, and as near as I can figure, with your cold dead aim you’re trying to prove your dick is bigger, but we know you’re chariot may not be swinging low.
Cold dead hand, cold dead hand. Cold dead hand, cold dead hand.
You’re a big big man, with a little bitty gland, so you need something bigger with a hair pin trigger. You don’t wanna get caught with your trousers down when the psycho killer comes around. So you make your home like a thunderdome, and you’re always packin’ everywhere you roam.
But the psychos win no matter what you do, cuz they’re gonna buy way more guns than you. And while you’re stumbling out of bed, they put five rounds in the back of your head. And you get depressed because the money runs out, and put your old shotgun in your mouth, and they find you there like a headless lump in your underwear, and they move the gun and it kills them too, and your wife just doesn’t know what to do, so she takes the hand grenade from her shoe and she pulls the pin. And it’s all on you.
And here’s the video. It’s actually quite catchy.