Bacon condoms, yep. An American company (God bless American innovation) has created the bacon condom. It looks just like bacon, and if you use their bacon-flavored lubricant, it even tastes like bacon.
I’m not kidding.
The company, J&D’s, says that of the 5 billion condoms sold worldwide every year, none look or taste like bacon. Until now.
The company announces that the condoms are “proudly Made in America,” because you wouldn’t want some cheap foreign knock-off bacon condom.
As for the bacon-flavored lubricant, it’s apparently a lubricant and a massage oil. I love a good massage, and I love bacon. I’m not however convinced that I’d want to have bacon-scent rubbed all over me.
Interestingly, the company says that the idea did in fact originally start as an April Fool’s joke. But they had so many people write in interest, that they decided to create the product for real. Unlike Scope’s bacon-flavored mouthwash that was indeed an April Fool’s joke that apparently a lot of people didn’t get.
I’ll give them credit for taking something that can kill you and melding it with something that can save you.
Oh, and you vegans can put your minds at ease, the company notes that the bacon lubricant, and I suppose the bacon condom as well, are “vegan-safe.” Well, that’s a relief.
And once you’re done enjoying your bacon condom, make sure you bacon floss (wish I were kidding, I’m really not):
And just in case all that bacon activity kills you, the bacon condom company also sells a bacon coffin for $2,999.99.
The description is, understandably, a bit odd:
Is there a better way to show your love of bacon forever than to be buried wrapped in it? We don’t think so.
This genuine bacon casket is made of 18 Gauge Gasketed Steel with Premium Bacon Exterior/Interior, and includes a Memorial and Record Tube, Adjustable Bed and Mattress and Stationary and Swingbar handles. It also includes a bacon air freshener for when you get that buried-underground, not-so-fresh feeling.
There are all sorts of unusual caskets out there – motorcycles, PBR cans, iPhones, tanks, Star Trek themes and more. We think that your final resting place deserves the eternal glory that is bacon.
No returns accepted.
No returns accepted because, you know, that would be gross.