Onion: Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward

Reporting on the Pope’s decision to resign at the end of this month, as only the Onion can.

The Onion on the Pope

“It is with sadness, but steadfast conviction, that I announce I am no longer capable of impeding social progress with the energy and endurance that is required of the highest ministry in the Roman Catholic Church,” Benedict reportedly said in Latin to the Vatican’s highest cardinals. “While I’m proud of the strides the Church has made over the past eight years, from thwarting AIDS-prevention efforts in Africa to failing to punish or even admit to decades of sexual abuse of children at the hands of clergy, it has become evident to me that, in this rapidly evolving world, I now lack the capacity to continue guiding this faith back centuries.”

Read the rest of it here – the Onion at its best.


Follow me on Twitter: @aravosis | @americablog | @americabloggay | Facebook | Google+. John Aravosis is the editor of AMERICAblog, which he founded in 2004. He has a joint law degree (JD) and masters in Foreign Service from Georgetown (1989); and worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, and as a stringer for the Economist. Frequent TV pundit: O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline & Reliable Sources. Bio, .

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  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    But does the Queen of Heaven get to keep the perks?

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    It is said that the old Rat has a pacemaker: one day forward, one century backward. I agree.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Alas, there are dozens of ultra-conservative orthodox Cardinals who will gladly take up the RCC’s proud banner of human regression, hypocrisy, and moral turpitude.

  • Bill_Perdue

    The law, and public opinion about his undoubted and overwhelming guilt, were closing in.

    This scandal terrifies the roman cult.

    A week or so ago the cardinal archbishop of LA was forced out and now Der Papenfuehrer himself.

    Ratzinger should be charged with crimes against humanity for promoting an international conspiracy to rape children.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    The best Onion articles always do. And so much of what they post is ‘the best.’

  • jomicur
  • Indigo

    We live in an era where social media is/are developing skill(s) at cutting through the malarkey. Lucky us!

  • nicho

    Another tweet: The pope isn’t the first person to lose interest in his real job so soon after joining Twitter.

  • Drew2u

    Discovered Twitter; quits talking for god.

    Between the pope finally getting on Twitter and the Arab Spring, who knew social media was so powerful?

  • HeartlandLiberal

    On my personal political blog, I finally added “The Onion” to the links to news sources and political blogs because, well, I just could not tell the difference anymore most of the time between what the “The Onion” wrote, and real life.

  • MyrddinWilt

    Best snark I have heard so far: Women tell pope he must carry papacy to term.

  • kingstonbears

    Although it’s meant to be sarcasm it certainly has a ring of truth to it.

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