Will gay marriage destroy America as we know it?

With Michael Snell and Steven Bridges becoming the first same-sex couple to marry in Maine this past Friday night, it has become only more apparent that the nation’s traditional values are destined for extinction.

Indeed, across the nation, traditional families have been devastated by Obama-loving, amoral leftists imposing their anti-Judeo-Christian values via the ballot box. The damage has been clearly evidenced by the recent events of the past few weeks. Let’s walk through them.

Former GOP VP nominee Sarah Palin’s son Track gets divorced

The Palins have been valiant defenders of traditional marriage, most evident by unwed mom Bristol’s brave stance on the importance of a “mother/father” environment for kids (even if her own kid doesn’t have one). Following the passage of pro- gay marriage legislation in four states during the past election, gays (specifically Dan Savage) forced Track Palin to divorce his wife of less than two years. Track and his wife have been married 18 months, and they have a 1-year-old child.

And if that pregnancy math doesn’t make sense to you, in a family values kind of way, you’re obviously a liberal.

Mormon Republican family values Senator Mike Crapo Gets a DUI

Mike Crapo, a Mormon legislator from Idaho was arrested this month for drunk driving after downing vodka shots, clearly a ploy concocted by gay activists due to Crapo’s anti-gay views, including his opposition to the repeal of the now-dead “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, and his stance in favor of a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage across the land. A self-described social conservative and family values candidate, Crapo obviously mistook the vodka for the blood of Christ, shortly after mistaking himself for a Catholic.

Newt Gingrich Loves Big Gay Brother

gay marriage

Gay marriage via Shutterstock

Crapo isn’t the only brave conservative to be targeted by gay activists. Former Speaker of the House and failed 2012 presidential nominee Newt Gingrich has now shockingly suggested to the Huffington Post that gay marriage is, in his own words, “inevitable.” This is a drastic change from Gingrich’s long history as a moral authority, most clearly evident by his decision to marry his most recent mistress Callista in 2000.

“The momentum is clearly now in the direction in finding some way to accommodate and deal with reality,” the brainwashing victim added to the Huffington Post. “And the reality is going to be that in a number of American states — and it will be more after 2014 — gay relationships will be legal, period.”

Gingrich’s first, second, and third wives could not be reached for comment.

Assorted Violence

Finally, gays have been responsible for forcing Americans to commit random acts of violence across the nation. Republican House candidate Gary Smith was recently arrested for slashing the tires of multiple New Mexico residents, including his campaign manager (who claims to have lost almost 40 tires), the campaign manager’s spouse, a GOP party chair, and the primary opponent who defeated him. The Santa Fe Reporter added that Smith was caught on camera in at least one incident, and will be charged with a fourth degree felony. As of date, Smith has invoked his right to remain silent and has made no statement to police.

“I had a hunch it was him,” his GOP primary opponent told the paper. “People tried to tell me it was the work of Democrats, but I knew that wasn’t the case. This isn’t the normal kind of political retribution you might expect. This is scary. We need to get him off the street and get him some help.”

America will face even more challenging days ahead, as Illinois is all but guaranteed to usher in same-sex marriage in January. But who will step in to defend the heterosexually-superior marriage of Michele and Marcus Bachmann? Of Rick and Karen Santorum? Of the very heterosexual, gay-sex-obsessed Peter LaBarbera?  What if Lindsey Graham decides to marry some day? Who will defend him from the gay?

Can abominable, all-powerful evil like this be stopped?


Gabe Ortíz is a San Francisco-based writer. He has contributed to the Mission's bilingual newspaper "El Tecolote," and the political blogs AMERICAblog, AMERICAblog Gay, and Veracity Stew. He's also a Stevie Nicks lover and shameless catlady. Follow him on Twitter: @Tusk81.

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  • unclemike

    Equality is always difficult for bigots.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Moron.

  • God help us!

    No you will not leave us alone you are already changing our schools….We are taking our kids out of public schools and scouts because of you…it is not enough for you to have benefits you want to be us …you are not and nothing will validate your psyche enough because you know you are messed up!

  • God help us!

    How many kids have you produced together!!!! if you are normal then man and women are not and you should not be here….end of story! And which one of you carries the egg and which one the sperm??????

  • Alice

    Your reasoning is ridiculous and wrong. It makes less sense than a dog licking another dog’s butthole.

  • Don Chandler

    and your feet rubbed.

  • J.W. Swift

    No, really, when you listen to interviews of Newt and the people who know him very well, it becomes apparent that he honestly believes that he knows what’s best for everyone, but since he is so super intelligent and special, he believes himself to be above those rules that he thinks everybody else should be following, and they should not apply to him. He is the very poster-boy for the “do as I say but not as I do” mentality.

  • milli2

    Mike Crapo lol. That was funny.

  • lynchie

    Well having equality in more countries would help but don’t forget American Exceptionalism. We believe we are the best at everything and know it all so what the rest of the world really doesn’t matter to mouth breathers and religious zealots Equality and the ability to legally be recognized in your marriage and devotion to another they have made part of their religious dogma forgetting all about the 10 commandments and the teaching of Jesus (if you believe that crap). We have so many issues to overcome as a country and as a society that dwelling on whether someone marries same gender or not is just carrying the hate agenda to keep the sheeple engaged in bullshit and not the real problems.

  • UncleBucky

    What you wrote made me think of this, that traditionally, and for many cultures, marriages (a practical contractual agreement) were arranged even when the future spouses were still kids. Consider the song in “Fiddler on the Roof”, “Do You Love Me”, where, when he asks “Do You Love Me” she replies “Do I what? I’m your WIFE!” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A2MBneb7lc) Love and children came after, compared to what we want to think now that love comes first. In other cases in the Bible, there is neither love nor children, as in Levirate Marriage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levirate_marriage), where a man’s brother’s widow is taken in for her safety and the property and children of the deceased brother. In a case I am familiar with, my Grandmother (a widow at the age of 76) married her daughter’s best friend’s father (a widower). They DID love each other, and they did want companionship, fun (she was a hot lady) and to save housing expenses. People marry for insurance coverage, for the ability to co-habitate with some legal benefits and, yes, for love. But not always.

    And then one more thing, what about those who marry so that two people, each from a different country, can stay together in one or the other country, also taking advantage of legal benefits? Extend that to people of the same gender. Marriage is simply a contract for mutual kinship, inheritance and property management.

    It’s love. It’s families that need to co-exist. It’s children. It’s property. It’s inheritance. It’s companionship. It’s care for one another towards “the end”. It’s a lot more than what the thumpers and fundies want it to be. They have it all backwards regarding the contract of marriage.

    Ah well.

  • UncleBucky

    I’d like to see Equal Marriage alone change America, but it will take more than marriage between US people. There is the issue of those people who marry those of the same gender outside of the Nation to be treated equally with het’s as well.

  • UncleBucky

    Gingrich is still a super-Catholic? Did he get an annulment? Or is this recent trophy “wife” out of the Catholic pale? :)

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    I’m not a moderator or Admin here, Bill. I’d recommend you write to the proprietor for complaints about the site presentation.

  • Aleister Hermit

    You just have to look north to see the dreadful consequences. My wife and I have been married almost thirty years, and ever since same sex marriage was made legal here in Canada, about 7 years ago, our relationship has just gone all gay and stuff.

    It’s been FABULOUS!!! ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/BillFromDover Bill from Dover

    “Will gay marriage destroy America as we know it?”

    I certainly hope so as if it does not, then the christian bigots will have been proven wrong which would probably entail the entire universe being sucked into a black hole of their choosing.

    Count me out!

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Welcome to the Castro and upper Market.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    This coming June we will be twenty years!

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    ROTFL!!!!

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    I used to just love orgies, but then they got boring and finally, these days any partying after 7:00 is out of the question, because I’d rather have an electric blanket and a glass of warm milk.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Beautifully said Lynchie

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Indeed….lol

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    The Palinbillies have never heard of glad bags.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Thank you

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Hopefully his wife will have a wide stance.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Callista is a cool number though, no fool, she already has a stash of Tiffany guilt jewels.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    She’s the eternal Barbie model. So we will not be able to tell.

  • Anthony McCarthy

    He should marry Rush Limbaugh. They deserve each other.

  • Anthony McCarthy

    Yeah, now I have no excuses for not being married except not getting someone to ask me. I’m going husband hunting. Someone with dental insurance and a pension.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    A couple of things. I rather like the idea of ‘disordered ‘as it applies to ninja anarchy sexual political cultural theater. The concept that homo folk are inferior is hilarious; Homo folk are almost always very skillful in sexual matters to the envy of conservatives who even fail at the ‘missionary position’. Further G.F. set the highest national standards for culture on all levels. A perfect example of this cultural dynamic is that Southern white trash still wear mullets brought into fashion by dike sisters in the seventies. Another example, is the proliferation of tattooed, pierced, bald straight dudes who look like gay leather folk of the eighties.

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Without gays America would still be eating off Melmac, walking on linoleum floors, wearing leisure suits and listening to Lawrence Welk ( opps PBS is already there.)

  • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

    Anything that will destroy the American Spectacle as we now know it is OK by me.

  • olandp

    I figure she’d be relieved that she doesn’t have to give him blow jobs any longer.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    As a woman married to another woman, having just celebrated our fourteenth wedding anniversary, no, we will not listen to your bigoted hateful spew.

    You will find few who agree with you here on this progressive blog.

  • Tex

    You can already see the financial ruin it tends to cause. A gay couple moves into an old house in need of attention and then turns it into a showplace, saving the property values. Then the straight couples start paying attention to their properties, and the street starts to look rather attractive. People walk dogs, and kids ride their bikes. Look at all that money people now start to spend. It boggles the mind.

  • unclemike

    None of those “reasons” stand up to reality, John. If you don’t like gays, fine, leave us be to have civil marriage and we’ll leave you alone in the stone age.

  • nicho

    No, it’s the “family values” crowd, the pedophile church of Rome, the Mormon cult, the “protect marriage” movement, and about 99.99 percent of the GOP that is a joke.

  • nicho

    That must be those “Catholic values” they both adhere to now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Ritchie/502235138 John Ritchie

    There are many good reasons why same-sex “marriage” is harmful to society. Will America only listen? http://www.tfpstudentaction.org/politically-incorrect/homosexuality/10-reasons-why-homosexual-marriage-is-harmful-and-must-be-opposed.html

  • Jim C.

    Is this article a joke?

  • monroecolby

    In my opinion, the most vile offender in this post is Crapo. “Mike Crapo, a Mormon legislator from Idaho was arrested this month for drunk driving after downing vodka shots,…” Because of his wildly contradictory governing behavior and personal behavior, he deserves extraordinary punishment. He and every professional Mormon/Christian zealot that he has interacted with should have their careers and personal lives destroyed. Bring down Mormon Inc.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Perhaps it’s not so one sided.

  • http://twitter.com/JafafaHots Jafafa Hots

    Well, there is the claim from his 2nd ex wife that he has said that Callista doesn’t expect him to not cheat, that she doesn’t mind.

    So apparently Gingrich is now in, in at least a one-sided way, an open marriage.

  • ComradeRutherford

    You are right, now that he’s married her he’s had to go out and find a new mistress.

  • ComradeRutherford

    When he was the front runner last spring the media called him the “disgraced former speaker of the house”. I turned that around and called him the “formerly disgraced speaker of the house”.

  • ComradeRutherford

    My ‘wife’ and I got married for one reason only: to get her covered on my employer’s insurance.

    Yes, we’ve been together for 15 years and have three kids, but that’s no reason to get married.

    So whenever we hear extremists rend their clothes because same-sex marriage ‘damages’ the institution of marriage, we look at each other and laugh and laugh! As if our gay and lesbian friends ability to (finally) marry had ANY effect on our relationship.

  • ComradeRutherford

    “Track Palin to divorce his wife of less than two years. Track and his wife have been married 18 months, and they have a 1-year-old child.”

    What is it with the redneck Palin clan, haven’t they heard of birth control? And the Palin grift family has plenty of money, so it’s not like they can’t afford it…

  • 2patricius2

    Maybe we could rephrase the question thus: “What if Lindsay Graham decides to marry some gay?”

  • jasper

    How do we actually know that she is his ‘most recent mistress’?

  • UncleBucky

    It will be a gay marriage. Simple and true. ;O)

  • UncleBucky

    I predict that he will have at least ONE MORE dallience! And yet one more divorce. And that will seal the fate of those who claim authority in these matters…

  • UncleBucky

    “heterosexually-superior marriage of Michele and Marcus Bachmann” ???

    Honeys, that’s a gay marriage! She married one, my gaydar assures me! ;O)

  • nicho

    Actually, I had a lot more orgying before I got married.

  • nicho

    Two-time adulterer? He didn’t marry everyone he committed adultery with.

  • olandp

    How do we know that Callista is his latest mistress? They have been married for a while, although she has not developed a life threatening illness (it is just a matter of time, one cannot use that much hairspray and not be effected) she did say that she didn’t care what he did. Leopards can’t change their spots. If she is indeed his last mistress, it is just a matter of time before he finds another one.

  • lynchie

    Will it change America–God I hope so. If we as a country can’t get beyond having the “hate du jour” we really are doomed. Every day there is some drama with something new to hate all usually wrapped up in some religious dogma which justifies it for the mouth breathers.

    I feel terrible sadness that a lot of people in America have relegated the Gay community of being unworthy of respect. They simply can’t get past a marriage as having nothing to do with religion. As a nation we are unable to govern with those elected to do just that. We are unable to stop violence and gun related deaths. We are unable to look after the poor, elderly and sick. Sadly we can’t accept that someone would want to wed the person they love. So please hurry and change America we need all the help we can get.

  • David_in_Houston

    “This is a drastic change from Gingrich’s long history as a moral authority, most clearly evident by his decision to marry his most recent mistress Callista in 2000.”

    Marry his most recent mistress. I love that phrase. I’ll definitely be using it in future blog posts. I usually refer to Newt as a “thrice-married, two-time adulterer…”, which also has a nice ring to it.

  • Naja pallida

    If your neighborhood is suddenly filled with pillars of salt, you know what happened. Invest in some window blinds. :)

  • Sweetie

    “It will replace that America with one in which the scientific fact (proven in 1956 by Hooker’s work) that homosexuality isn’t a disorder and thus isn’t a problem or a quality that makes homo folk inferior to their hetero counterparts is properly recognized.”

    (sentence completed)

  • Sweetie

    It will destroy America as a country of heterosexist bigotry in which marriage is a special privilege for heterosexuals only. It will replace that America with one in which the scientific fact (proven in 1956 by Hooker’s work) that homosexuality isn’t a disorder and thus isn’t a problem or a quality that makes homo folk inferior to their hetero counterparts. In other words, a backward nation that defies its own constitution’s prohibition on theocratic law (1st amendment) and defies its own mandate for equal rights in all states (14th amendment) will be less backward and hypocritical.

  • Tyke

    We would, but we are waaaaay too busy orgying.

  • FLL

    “What if Lindsay Graham decides to marry some day?”

    That would be problematic for Graham, I suppose, confronting aggressive gay critics after finally finding a wife. Some commenters have used an old Southern expression by way of saying that when Lindsay Graham is confronted with unpleasant situations, he is prone to having “the vapors,” by which I think they mean that he feels dizzy and faint. Well, if he didn’t wear those whale-bone corsets, I’m sure he wouldn’t feel faint so often.

  • SkippyFlipjack

    A couple years back I sent this blog a link to a website of an anti-marriage-equality group in Maine that was unique in that it actually explained the specifics of how gay marriage would destroy “traditional” marriage. I’ll see if I can find it again because it was funny (if it wasn’t so sad) — apparently gay relationships are basically nothing but big orgies, so gay marriages would also be orgy-fests. As soon as hetero couples saw the orgies of fornication next door they’d be thinking “I gotta get some of that!” and head out the door for the nearest orgy, causing marital strife and a tidal wave of divorce.

    Anyone in Maine free to report on whether that’s happened yet?

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Y’know, messing up people’s hetero marriages and instigating minor felonies sure is a step down from super-hurricane disasters. We are SO wasting our near-omnipotence.

  • Sally

    In response to your headline: I cetainly hope so!

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