British embassy in Kabul using chair that searches anus, vagina for weapons

12/31/2013 9:00am by 50

It reads like a hoax, but I did some Googling, and prisons apparently have been using “anal” scanning chairs for a while now.

Reportedly the British embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan is now using the creepy chairs as well.

(How long before we have to sit down for an anal exam at the nation’s airports too?)

Oh, the chairs do vaginal exams too. (No word on whether they offer you a cigarette after.)

Here’s an example of one such chair, sold by a company called Xeku, that looks a bit too much like the electric chair for my tastes:

anal vaginal exam chair

I know what you’re thinking – why didn’t we know about this BEFORE Christmas?!

And they apparently are using chairs like this at the British embassy in Kabul. Oh, and get this – the Brits say they’re using the chair out of respect for conservative Muslim religious values:

In Afghanistan, it also means that visitors to Britain’s fortified embassy to do not have endure a pat-down of intimate areas – an important consideration in a conservative, Muslim society.

Yeah, because nothing says “I respect you” like a vaginal exam.

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@aravosis | Facebook | Google+. Editor of AMERICAblog, joint JD/MSFS from Georgetown, worked in the US Senate, World Bank, Children's Defense Fund, and as a stringer for the Economist. A frequent TV pundit, he has been on The O'Reilly Factor, Hardball, World News Tonight, Nightline & Reliable Sources. Full bio and .

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  • http://www.facebook.com/imlegend7377 Vicky Maheshwari

    Nice Article! I hope this chair helps to fight terrorism in kabul. We all need peace not war!

  • trinu

    What a waste of money. I understand that they’re prisoners and thus have little to no privacy rights, but it would be cheaper to strip search them and them use surveillance possibly even having someone inspect toilet contents. This is about one thing and one thing only, making money for the security company.

  • anonguest7619

    It’s easy to mock this stuff from the comfort of your Georgetown condo. Since I’m sitting here in Afghanistan, I have no issues with this.

  • Carol S

    Hey — just do what I do. I don’t call it a groping pat down; I call it a free massage. And maybe the scanner chair can take the place of my annual gyno exam; whaddaya think? Talk about multi-tasking! Gotta look on the bright side, as they sing in ‘Spamalot.” . .

  • benb
  • arcadesproject

    Worst fear if the New Year: This chair and what it represents (barbarism, cruelty, lawlessness) will with time become routine and acceptable and only the occasional dirty hippy will call it barbaric, cruel and lawless, whereupon said hippy will be beaten up, tasered and imprisoned.

  • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

    Y’all didn’t really need those privacy rights and presumption of innocence, did you?

    The purpose of Security Theater is to promote the assumption that you must submit to authority, no matter how ridiculous the demands, and to make morons feel safer.

    Anyway, I see that this ‘BOSS’ (Orwellian much?) device is essentially a metal detecting device. There’s quite a lot someone can do with ceramics only…

    • UncleBucky

      Corningware?? Oh, darn, now that’s gonna be a problem. No hot pads.

      • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

        Oh, I was thinking more like these:
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceramic_knife

        • UncleBucky

          Ho ho! Yes, that would be something… but then consider ceramic-bladed box cutters… It gets worser and worser… don’t it? Happy New Year, Becca!

          • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

            Happy post-Mayan Apocalypse to you, too, Uncle Bucky!

      • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

        Plus, because they are made in China now, they explode in the oven.

        • UncleBucky

          Corningware? Or was it Pyrex and Anchor Hocking? But no matter, they are ALLLLL made in China or some low-wage place where employees are “parts” in a machine. ;o) Happy New Year!

  • http://www.facebook.com/MarkKelleyBraswell Mark Kelley Braswell

    At least the chair is not physically invasive. We know that drug smugglers have long used body cavities to avoid detection. Spanish authorities arrested a woman earlier this month for trying to smuggle cocaine in her breast implants. If drug smugglers can do it, so can suicide bombers. This is the world we live in.

    • Sweetie

      Imperialistic US policy that instigates suicide bombing could be looked at. But, no, we’d rather irradiate everyone.

    • nicho

      First they got us used to going through the metal detector — using your arguments. Then, they got us used to taking off our belts, jacket etc. — using your arguments. Then, they got us used to taking off our shoes — using your arguments. Then, they got us used to full-body rapescans — using your arguments. Now, they’ll ask us to have our butts and vaginas scanned — using your arguments.

      Has anyone considered that there was one guy with a “shoe bomb” who got on a plane in France — and failed. Since then, everyone has to take his/her shoes off. Then, another failed “bomber” had something in his crotch. Now we all have to go through rapescan machines.

      Since 1999, there have been 35 horrific mass shootings in the US with hundreds of deaths. Add to that tens of thousands of shooting deaths on a smaller scale. However, if you mention controlling the cause of that clear and present danger — guns — the screams can be heard in outer space.

    • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

      It is impossible to keep every dangerous thing off planes, even items ostensibly banned. And off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen items allowed past security which could be made into a weapon on-board, starting with laptop batteries.

      We really needed only three things after 9/11/2001 to stop future hijackings and in-air sabotage, based on the current screening technologies at the time. One happened automatically — passengers will no longer cooperate with hijackers, no matter the threats made. The second was fought hard by the airlines due to the cost, but eventually they gave in — and that was to install reinforced cockpit doors which are kept locked during the flight. The third hasn’t happened yet, and likely won’t because in addition to the airline companies, there’s big money in cross-country shipping, and they continue to lobby against being forced to inspect and scan all the cargo that goes into the bellies of planes, along with passengers’ checked luggage.

      So instead of taking this last step, we have the TSA casting about for more ways to get money from the Feds in their budget — so now they’re trying to install even more invasive, untested scanning technology and expand their mandate to include buses and trains.

      This world we live in — and America especially — is afraid of irrational, often imaginary dangers and acts illogically in dealing with them.

      • nicho

        If a bomber gets as far as the xray machine, security has already failed.

  • Stev84

    At least it doesn’t have robotic arms that literally probe your orifices

    • UncleBucky

      Remember the scene in Brazil? Eeeek!

    • nicho

      Once they get you used to being anally scanned, that will be next.

    • Krusher

      Yet.

  • dula

    I going to start wearing lead underthings.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    Reading things like this makes me want to lock myself in the house and not even answer the door. I took a red eye out of LAX on Saturday. The porno scanner picked up a medical implant in my lower back, so I was patted down. When I was unpacking, I found a note saying my suitcase was searched. I feel like Big Brother is stalking me.

    • Naja pallida

      Stalking and violating you, apparently.

    • nicho

      I have locks on my luggage than can be opened by the TSA. They have an indicator that shows if the lock was manually opened. So far, so good.

      • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

        I fly out of DC, my bags get searched pretty much every time.

        • UncleBucky

          Man, you’re dangerous stuff!

        • Mike_in_the_Tundra

          Which airport? I use Reagan on a regular basis, and haven’t had any problems. Of course, if TSA wants to search through my dirty laundry, they can go for it. Whatever, floats their boat.

        • nicho

          I’m pretty sure the TSA is selling your underwear on eBay. It’s pretty expensive.

          • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

            They wouldn’t price it that high if it wasn’t selling. ;-)

          • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

            OMG, who knew.?..John Johns—a hot item on E-Bay! :)

    • shocktreatment

      I ship my luggage to where I’m going to be staying. Cheap, relatively hassle free, no lines. I carry reading matter, reading glasses, little else on board. A little forethought, my stuff arrives before I do.

      • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

        Ironically, your shipped luggage likely receives far less screening (if any at all) than you yourself and your carry-on do.

        • Fireblazes

          It might even fly on the same plane.

      • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

        same here

  • RepubAnon

    I’d be interested in knowing what technology is used in the scanning process, and how much radiation exposure results. How long before the paparazzi plant these chairs in the restaurants of the rich and famous?

    • nicho

      Apparently, they already put one in Mitt Romney’s house. The only thing he had up his ass was his head.

    • http://AMERICAblog.com/ John Aravosis

      They claim it’s fine for pregnant women. I would be concerned.

    • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

      According to the company website, they’re close-contact metal detectors.

      So the chairs would not, in fact, detect sealed condoms or balloons filled with glycerin and potassium permanganate, for instance. Or vials of ricin or other biological materials. Or radioactive substances.

      • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

        Or terrorist steamers.

  • HolyMoly

    Weird…I had submitted a post and it didn’t post. I must have pushed a wrong button somewhere.

    I was saying that it all depends on how much money a congressman’s spouse can make off of it. And, coincidentally, it’s that very congressman who will be shouting at the top of his/her lungs about some new and unstoppable threat — quite coincidentally, I can assure you. Maybe it’ll be about poisonous flatulence or something like that!

    • Naja pallida

      Sometimes when you post it won’t show up right away, like it gets caught in a spam filter or something. Consider it like a secondary screening by the TSA, after they decide that they can’t see enough with their porno scanners. :)

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcrEqIpi6sg Moderator4

      Your original post did show up, HolyMoly- see below. Some posts do not show up right away.

  • angryspittle

    I wonder how much stock that creepy former director of Homeland Security owns in this company.

  • HolyMoly

    How soon before they find their way into our airports? How much profit can be made off of them by some congressman’s spouse?

    Get ready to hear about how they’re needed ASAP because of some new unstoppable threat…poisonous flatulence or something like that.

    • http://www.rebeccamorn.com/mind BeccaM

      Get ready to hear about how they’re needed ASAP because of some new
      unstoppable threat…poisonous flatulence or something like that.

      I think airport and airline food already pretty much guarantees that.

  • nicho

    I’m sure some corporatists are already grooming a “butt bomber,” after whose antics these machines will be in every airport in the country within hours — just like what happened with the “crotch bomber” in 2009. There’s money to be made here.

  • Cletus

    Wonder if you have to open wide and say “Ahhh” first…

    • http://adgitadiaries.com/ karmanot

      Fortunately, it only hurts the first time.

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